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Friday, January 30, 2009

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!


No, I'm not really giving out Chicken Dinners, and I wouldn't eat it anyway, yuck. BUT, I do have the winners for the Free copy of Lemon Tart contest. Thank you to everyone who entered, not only is my website now squeaky clean, but I've got wonderful online reviews and I, well, I just feel so darn loved!

So, here are the winners--I'll be e-mailing you as well, but BIG congrats.

1st copy--Melissa C
2nd copy--Ali C.

Thanks again for everyone that played, I so appreciate all the support and the wonderful comments you've left me. If you've already read Lemon Tart, please consider leaving an online review at either Deseret Book or Amazon--it really is one of the most effective marketing tools available, and one that I can not do for myself.

Thanks again!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Free Bio-35


I've made mention on this blog previously about how much I love the multi-vitamin Bio-35. I've tried many vitamins over the years (can you say Amway, Arbonne, Isagenix) but, for me, if I can't FEEL it, then it's not worth my time or my money. I've heard all the rhetoric about vitamins being full of fillers and not doing any good, and I beleived that until I tried Bio-Pro.

I've now taken it for about 4 years and definitely notice when I miss it for a few days. When I used it regularly I have more energy during the day and my mood stays more even. Along with other changes I've made in my lifestyle, I've managed to lower my cholesterol almost 50 points since I began taking it. My kids are better behaved, my laundry folds itself and my husband gives me nightly back rubs too! (okay, so not those last few, but still . . .)

So, for all these reasons, when I heard they were giving out two week samples--I thought of you; yes, you! If, like me, you think you ought to be able to FEEL the difference when you're taking all that good stuff into your body, and you've wondered if it's worth the money (about $18/month/person taking it) AND would like to give it a shot, here's your chance.

Click HERE for the link to get your free sample and/or to read more about it.

Monday, January 26, 2009

And I Married Him Anyway


Lemon Tart contest runs until January 30, click HERE for the post


Before I thought of Lee as my husband, I thought of him as the cute-guy-with-the-mullet-that-passed-the-sacrament-and-wore-the-pink-tie. We ended up in the same weight training class my sophomore year. He was a senior. We flirted--well, I flirted, he bench pressed--and giggled--okay, I giggled, he laughed at the wacky things I would say--but eventually we decided to go on an actual date.

It was the night of what was supposed to be Lee's high-school graduation. He'd found out a week earlier that he wasn't graduating. He was .25 credits short in English but they hadn't caught it in time for him to make it up. Sorry. Never mind that his counselor had told him a year earlier that he would never amount to anything and he may as well drop out. He didn't drop out, but now he wasn't graduating all the same. My sister was graduating that night too and we were SUPPOSED to go to the graduation and sit in the audience with my parents. But from the very start I knew that it would be incredibly easy for me to say I simply didn't see them there and sat somewhere else. This was before cell phones, and graduation was at the Huntsman Center. It wasn't a stretch. And so we didn't go to the graduation ceremony (please don't tell my parents or my sister) First of all, who wants to watch all their friends graduate when they've been cut out of it? And second, we were stupid teenagers. Instead of attending the graduation we broke into a cabin up little cottonwood canyon. We thought it was Lee's friend's uncle--which of course made it okay--but in a quirky twist of weird fate, it turned out to belong to the counselor in our bishopric, a point I learned a year later when we went up there for a Young Womens planning night. Creepy.

So, we go to this cabin and . . .FAST FORWARD . . . decided it was time to go home--the graduation ceremony had been over for about an hour. I put the leftover hot dogs and root beer in a bag (he's said I could HAVE it--is that sweet or what?) It was May, and there was still a lot of snow on the ground. There was a foot path that wound around some cabins up to the parking lot, but it was kinda long so Lee suggested we just go up the hill.

I say, "But I'm in a dress and I paid $9 at Payless for these white leather (i.e. plastic) boots with the cut out stars and the rhinestones on them that don't have any traction."

He says, "I'll help you, we'll be fine."

Then he holds my hand, and dang but I was happy to walk through three foot snow drifts in my traction-free cut out boots if I got to hold his hand. So we start up--and it's not too bad. The snow is frozen so I manage to stay on top of the crust and every time I slide he held on a little tighter. So far, this was totally working for me.

We're almost half way up and the snow drops down to where it melted away from the trunk of a huge pine tree. We're right next to the branches, but have about ten feet of no snow until the drift starts up again.

And then we hear the growl.

Not a small little whimpering growl that says "You're bigger than me and I'm scared" this was a low, long, deep growl that says "Dinner."

We both freeze and then we take off--except that Lee actually moves while I spin in place on wet soggy pine needles, holding tight to the bag of hot dogs and root beer. Somehow he lets go of my hand, which was nice in that it allows me to use that hand to help claw my way over the frozen snow drift, but bad in the sense that he'd totally abandoned me. I'm stepping on my skirt, clutching the bag and still getting no traction. Lee has now reached the top and yells down "Hurry."

So I pull up the skirt of my dress, drop the bag in hopes that the bear will find hot dogs ample substitute for my calves, and punch it. I sink in the snow this time--which was rather cold on my bare legs now exposed due to the fact that I've had to hike my skirt all the way up to move my legs, the snow is pouring into my star cut out boots but I claw, crawl my way up to the top where Lee is waiting for me.

The look on his face when I reach him clues me in to the fact that my skirt is cinched around my waist. I drop it, then he looks me in the face. "I thought you were right behind me."

"Whatever--you got to the top and yelled for me to hurry when I hadn't moved a foot! I'm in a skirt and stupid boots, for cryin out loud, you coulda helped me a little."

"Well, I knew one of us might need to go for help."

We're half an hour from "help", and the bear would be picking his teeth with my ribs by the time Lee got back to me. But his comment reminds both of us that we were running from something so we hurry to the car, get in and lock the doors. We drive a quarter mile before I make him stop so I can empty the snow out of my boots. My skirt is soaked, I'm freezing, AND I lost the hot dogs. I'm not a happy starry-eyed 16 year old anymore. Good thing we'd taken care of the kissing at the cabin cause I wasn't in any mood for it anymore.

But then he reaches across the emergency brake, takes my hand, and with his other hand turns up the MC Hammer Tape. I feel my desire not to kiss this guy fading as MC croons in the background. It's hammer go hammer MC hammer yo hammer and the rest can go and play, Can't touch this.

How can a girl hold her resolve in a situation like that?

"Are you okay?" he asks with those melty blue eyes.

I nod.

"Do you want to go out next week so I can make it up to you?"

I nod again. "A Drive-in, maybe?"

And the rest, as they say is history.

(Disclaimer--I in no way mean to condone not-graduating from high school, breaking and entering, pre-marital partial nudity, lying to family members, being alone with a cute guy in a cabin, or littering. I would also like to point out that Lee worthily served a mission six months after this, we married in the temple and it is now perfectly okay that he sees me half naked. And no, we never found out what was in that tree--we did go to the drive-in though.)

Friday, January 23, 2009

Lemon Tart Contest!!


I just got the release date for Lemon Tart, my first Sadie Hoffmiller Culinary Mystery. It will be released on March 4! Wohoo, I'm so excited and in order to share that excitement (and help gear up for my promotion phase) I'm hosting a contest.

There are three ways to enter, all of them can be taken advantage of through my website and you can enter any and all of the ways listed--basically quantidurpiling your chances of winning. (I made that word up :-)



So, here's how you enter:

1--Go to my website www.josiskilpack.com and click on the "Lemon Tart" menu option. Read the first chapter posted there, then e-mail me and tell me what time the timer dinged. kilpack@gmail.com

2--Leave an online review of any of my four most recent novels at Deseret Book Online. You can access the website via the "Buy the Book" Button on the pages for those books on my website (it will not obligate you to buy anything--just take you to the page where you can leave a review) Then e-mail me and tell me which book you reviewed. kilpack@gmail.com (If you've already posted a review, the website won't let you leave another one on that particular book--sorry)

The eligible books are:
Her Good Name
Sheep's Clothing
Unsung Lullaby
To Have or To Hold

3--Due to my computer crash in October, I have been unable to update my website. Now that I finished English Trifle (did I forget to mention that? I FINALLY FINISHED ENGLISH TRIFLE AND TURNED IT IN--HAPPY DANCE WITH ME, PEOPLE!) I took three whole days to rebuild my website from scratch. I'm sure there are several typos, dropped links, etc. If you find any of those things, e-mail me the mistake and you find yourself entered. I will fixing mistakes as soon as one person lets me know, so you'll want to be the first one. You get one entry per page that you find typos on--so if you find a mistake on three different pages, you get an entry for each one you point out. If you find three typos on one page, you get one entry--does that make sense? kilpack@gmail.com

In addition to the contest, I'll be having my Opening Night Party sometime in March--if you would like to receive a postcard invitation with a discount (only good that night), please e-mail me your mailing address.

AND there is an option on the website to pre-order autographed copies of Lemon Tart via the website as well.

So, there you have it--multiple chances to win one of the first copies of Lemon Tart. I will be sending out the copy as soon as I receive the books--probably the first week of March. This contest will go through January 30th, at which time I will draw two names and post the winners.

Thanks for playing!

(I had e-mail links, but Ali pointed out they weren't working--and I don't know how to make them work so I've fixed them. She got an entry for pointing out the problem :-)

Friday, January 16, 2009

Blonde Moment # 10,569

Wednesday I had a GREAT writing day. GREAT writing days have been rather hard for me to come by lately. I'm on my very first deadline and finding it to not be nearly as cool as I thought it would be. I've been writing like mad and cranking out the words--but it hasn't been fun, I've constantly questioned what I'm writing, and though I like what I'd created I knew it wasn't fabulous. So basically I was spending all my time working on something I wasn't liking very much. I've been writing on a timer--which means I make myself write for 30 minutes, then go do something fun--like clean a toilet, mop the floor, sort socks. What, those don't sound fun? EXACTLY my point. When things like that become the reward for writing, it says a lot about how much I've been enjoying the writing, doesn't it?

But Wednesday was a GREAT writing day. Tuesday had also been good, which made Wednesday even better. I wrote for almost four hours--didn't even think about laundry or flossing or anything like that. My wonderful, fabulous, cheerleading friend Julie had put me on a 1,300/day diet back in December so I could finish this book. I'd been following her plan, but calling every few days to whine about it (keep in mind Julie has two full time jobs on top of her own writing--and I'm complaining to her because I only have 6 hours a day to myself. Yes, I have fabo friends that put up with me).

I felt like I'd finally broken that barrier and I had to call her and tell her about it--knowing she would scream and squeal on the other end of the line and drop everything to tell me how happy she was for me.

So I dialed her number, waited three rings and heard, "Hello."

(Imagine this next part being said at 100 miles an hour in my high-pitched excited voice) Hi, it's me, I just had to call you because I knew you'd be so happy for me, I'm writing, and I love it and I resolved all those stupid plot holes and I'm so dang excited and I actually like this and it's finally just coming to me, ya know, and I feel like I could write for hours--I'm like some kind of super hero--and . . . hello? . . . hello?"

She'd hung up on me!

Well, that was rather anti-clamatic. So I hit redial and just happen to glance at the number before putting it to my ear. Was that a 9 instead of a 6? It's supposed to be a 6. Did I dial the wrong number?

Sure did.

Some lady with a prefix of 849 was just reminded that she needed to talk to her kids about the dangers of drug use again.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

School Daze--shudder

So, Jenna, at one of my favoritist blogs, Cranberry Corner, is going back to school. My neighbor (with 3 girls ages 1-7) is also back in class. And even my dear husband is doing the online thing. Ironically, all of them are going into nursing. My hubby is already an RN, but would like to get his Bachelor's degree. Even though he doesn't work in the field right now, he wants to shore (sure?) up his options and his nursing license has been a great security for us throughout our marriage.

I look at all these people--grown ups every one of them--and think, gosh, maybe I should go back to school, too. I mean, my kids are in school all day now and there are two wonderful universities within a thirty minute drive of my house; not to mention an IT school and an extension just ten miles away. It might be fun.

This lasts for about twelve seconds, then my stomach knots up, I have difficulty breathing, and I throw up.

It's not that I'm a bad student--I mean I was a solid C student through most of my schooling, except for my senior year when I went all Marion the Librarian and brought my GPA up to 3.6. I had some good teachers and some bad teachers, and one teacher in particular that said to me "I'll never understand why women go to college when they're sitting on a fortune." Think about it--it's pretty crude.

After high school, I attended a year of college and took all my writing classes. I was set toward getting an Associate of Science degree and decided to do my favorite classes first. I wrote two scintillating papers--one on the contagious aspects of a yawn and one on sex change operations--yes, I did choose my own topics, why do you ask?

Halfway through that year my missionary came home. We got married in April and three weeks later I kicked off my shoes and went about getting pregnant. I've been happily uneducated ever since.

Now, don't get me wrong, I loooooove to learn--love it. I love to be a know it all, I love knowing weird details about things like the fact that one pickle has all the sodium your body needs for a year--it's true, I read it in Reader's Digest. I love to read, I love, love, love, Wikipedia, and I have been a voracious student of writing skills (not that my blog reflects it, but still). However, do not put me in a classroom and make me take a test. Oy, the very idea gives me a headache. Truly, I don't think I could do things like complete assisgnments and color in bubbles on the little test thing--do they still do that?

I have returned to the classroom a couple times--I had to go to a three week class to get my Dietary Manager certification when we owned the Assisted Living facilities--hated every minute of it but I framed the certficate all the same and I'll admit to a sense of pride that I passed the test and could serve my pork roast with confidence, knowing it had been cooked to the optimal internal temperature. I also took a class on photoshop a couple years back. It was a pass-fail class based upon finishing the different segments. As soon as I'd completed 60% of the work I could stop attending if I wanted to--seeee yaaaaaa.

I do realize that if the economy gets worse and my books stop selling I might have to get a job--and truly I'm woefully unqualified for pretty much everything but daycare--however, I'm not a big fan of kids so I don't see that as a good option (neither to the parents that would entrust their little darlings to my care). I'm a great waitress though and would make a pretty good checker at a grocery store--neither of which require me to have any kind of special certification AND they pay like $6/hour. After making about $1.50/hour writing books and doing laundry and dishes for free these last fifteen years--that sounds like a lot of money!

So, yes, this is a hats off to those of you that have the discipline and dedication to go to school--I do admire it--and yes, this blog could also be construed as a plea that people don't stop buying books. But, mostly, this is me coming out of the proverbial closet and being grateful that I live in a country where I am free to be an uneducated lump if I want to.

Would you like fries with that? A baked potato is going to cost an additional $1.25 but the butter and sour cream is free.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Leaving, on a Jet Plane

So, my husband is on his way to Costa Rica on business today. We had tried to figure out how I could go so that we could find a hammock somewhere and have an entire conversation, but with $600/airline ticket and four kids, we had to give up the dream. His flight left at 8:00 and we live an hour from the airport, so last night I set the alarm for 5:05, giving him 40 minutes to get ready and then he'd arrive within an hour and a half of his flight. It's all good, right?

Well, it only works if you turn the alarm ON.

At 6:30 I wake up and I slug Lee in the shoulder. "It's 6:30!" I say as I scramble out of bed and then just stand there. How am I supposed to help him?

"It is not," he says, jumping out of bed, looking at the clock. "Crap, it's 6:30!"

He runs into the bathroom to stick his head under the tap and throw on the clothes he'd set out. I stand in the middle of the room for a minute, then go into the kitchen, then come back into the bedroom and then inspect the alarm clock. "I didn't turn it on," I say, finally awake enough to figure it out.

Proof that I married an amazing man="It's okay," he says after rinsing with some mouth wash cause he doesn't have time to brush his teeth. You have to understand that my husband is a little obsessive about his morning routine--he always showers, even if he's going to do yard work and knows he'll shower when he finishes, and he always brushes his teeth for a full 2 minutes (which is why he's had 2 cavities in his life--I've had dozens). If he'd done this to me I'd be totally ticked and making snide comments that could sound like I wasn't mad, but really left little room for any doubt.

He double checks his bags and puts on his shoes while I go back to standing in the middle of the room. I did pick up his lap top bag and hold it for him. He finishes up, kisses me, takes the laptop and disappears into the morning.

At 8:09 I receive this e-mail from his blackberry

I think i made it to the parking lot in about 45 minutes(i was flying and no traffic.) Bus was fast at parknjet. Check in was fast but they said we board in 2 minutes! I ran to security and the line was huge! I finally got through that and got to the gate just as my group was called. Thanks for your help. I will chat with u later...miss u already

Did I totally luck out in the husband department, or what?

All this reminded me of an essay contest I entered last year--it's very fitting right about now. And Even though I've gotten used to Lee being out of town, and he's going to be back on Tuesday, for some reason it's different when he's going that far away. So, although some of you read this when I won the contest, I'm gunna post it again because I miss my sweetie.

My Ideal Day
By Josi S. Kilpack

Seawater clings to my skin and the tropical flora seem intent to convince me nothing in the world exists but this—right here, right now. Somewhere up the beach fish is grilling while beans boil in a covered pot. Mangos are in season and their ripening scent competes with that of the flowers all around me.

Can you smell it?

The call of a thousand sea birds fills the sky and my hammock creaks amid it’s swaying. The Ocean breeze creates a whispered symphony as it travels through the palm leaves above, behind, beside me. His footsteps approach while the waves crash and crash and crash upon the shore. They keep rhythm with my breathing until he whispers in my ear and breath deserts me entirely.

Can you hear it?

The air is thick and salty, each wave sending a tribute of itself toward the heavens when it breaks upon the beach. The sand is soft and supple on my feet and the world is moving back and forth as the hammock sways. Back and forth, back and forth. His hand lingers on my cheek, my neck, my shoulder and we try and see if it's a hammock built for two.

Can you feel it?

Sky as big as it’s ever been, the flat and flawless countenance broken only by the constant motion of the sea. His eyes are as blue as the ocean surrounding us and the grasses and ferns are so green it's as if the color was invented just for them. The sun is made brighter by the reflection of whitened sand as his footprints are sucked back into the sea with every wave that rolls upon the beach.

Can you see it?

I am late for nothing and no one depends on me to be fed, or cleaned, or delivered. I have no deadlines, no appointments, no bills to pay, or calls to make. There are no excuses to fill my mind. There is no distraction from our course. And he is here too, as free as me. We have nothing to do but find us again; the us that sometimes gets lost in the laundry and board meetings, the carpools and lawn mowing.

With a little luck, the journey back to us will take all day.

And in case you haven't had enough of me today--I was a featured Molly on Modern Molly Mormon today :-)

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Howling at the Moon

I love sleep--really, really love it. I need about 7 hours a night to function well and I reward myself with naps when I can--which isn't very often. Sunday afternoon is nap time and we are as religious about it as we are with going to church. There is no doubt that my best days follow a good night's sleep. It's important to me.

Well, I'm having a hard time sleeping this week. It's like I'm just not really sleeping--I'm in this hovery dream state where I'm annoyed with myself because I know I'm not getting rest, but I'm watching this weird thing play out. But it's been three or four nights and I'm tired dangit!

I think it might have something to do with the full moon--I noticed in November that I had a hard time sleeping during the full moon and now I'm having a hard time again which gives me permission to obsess. Stay with me here;

I worked as a night-shift CNA in high-school and through the old folks I took care of I learned a great respect for rhythm--rhythm of the daily routine, rhythm of the human body, and rhythms of the world at large. There was a disorder called Sundowners, where Granny and Gramps who were sweet and wonderful during the day, would literally go crazy when the sun went down. I didn't beleive it till I saw it--and holy schmokes was it scary. Not all old people were affected, but probably 30% of the people in my nursing home were thrown off by some version of Sundowners. Most just got confused, but there were a couple that became freaking ax murderers (especially the guy that really had been an ax murderer). On regular nights it was annoying, but during the full moon things were just bonkers. We CNAs would check the schedule at the first of the month to see who was scheduled to work the Alzhiemer's unit over the full moon--we deserved time and a half, but never got it. It would build in the days before the moon was full, then explode that night.

So, I'm thinking that might be what I have--except that would mean I should be sane come morning.

So maybe I'm watching too much TV--I really, really, really like TV and become really sucked in these last few weeks. I spent three days watching extreme wieght loss stories--fascinating. Today, I'm watching back to back Presley Biography's and all I gotta say is, what the *#$% were Priscilla's parent's thinking. They really thought their 17 year old daughter that had been in love with Elvis for three years stayed at the next door neighbor's house when she visted him in LA? Duh. Anyway, when I try to sleep all the stuff I've watched on TV is blurring toghther with holiday things that really happened. I don't like it. I'm tired and cranky. And lest you think my house is in shambles and my WIP is covered in cobwebs--I'm a master at using commercials to my advantage and I write while I watch TV. But it might not be healthy.

I can't take Nyquil. The last time I did, I was awake for the next 18 hours. I'm really funny with medications--they don't affect me the way the label says. Basically I stick to anything Tylenol, but I take half the dose. So Tylenol PM is a good thing, but I don't want to take that every night for the rest of my life.

So, people, help me out here. I wanna good night sleep tonight and I'm running out of ideas, but the moon is waning now (I think--it's hard to see with the clouds that keep snowing)

Friday, January 02, 2009

Out and In--08 to 09

Moments I could have lived without in 08:

*The midnight knock on my bedroom door that rocked my world. We’ve made great progress since that day, but I’ve lost the naive belief that doing my best means my kids won’t have to face certain trials.

*The realization that someone I love (not the same one that knocked on my door) really doesn’t want to change and that I can’t fix her. This realization has been several years coming, but this year I felt like I really put myself out there to make the difference, and I believe this person truly faced a couple chances to change her life—and she turned her back on every one of them. I’ve crossed the line of no longer feeling capable of making myself vulnerable to manipulation, which means that I can no longer fool myself into believing that I have anything else to give her. I've also realized that my attempts to help her seem to hurt me and my family too much to risk it anymore. Thank goodness I believe in prayer so that I know there is still something I can do that will help her more than I ever could.

*Opening the door and being served papers filed by the guy that already ripped us off. His choices have put my family on the precipice, and yet he’s alleging we owe him even more. This has shaken my belief that people are basically good. It will likely influence 2009 a great deal and I’m dreading that.

*Hubby working in Las Vegas. I miss him and home isn’t the same without him and yet I’m accepting that this will be our life for awhile.

*Ending the year five pounds heavier than I started. I'm gunna have to give up my daily baking fetish. I miss it already.

*Giving pets away. This still just makes my heart ache and overwhelms me with feelings of failure. I wish I’d never had the animals in the first place—please remind me of that if I find myself tempted again!

*My computer crashing—but y’all have heard enough about that.


Favorite Moments of 08:

*Celebrating 15 years of marriage to a man that proves to me everyday that God loves me. When I look back at these 15 years I marvel at who we started as and who we've become. I am grateful beyond measure that although we've both grown in different ways, we've stayed together throughout our journeys.

*Winning The Whitney Award for Sheep’s Clothing—this was such an incredibly validating moment for me and even though I was a big baby when I accepted it, I will never forget that evening. For those that think it's unfair Her Good Name is ineligible--one of the reasons I joined the committee was so Her Good Name wouldn't be eligible--then I can say I've won the Whitney every year I was eligible :-)

*Celebrating 10 years of writing—I wasn’t published until 2000, but I started writing ten years ago and now I marvel that I ever had a time where I wasn’t overwhelmed with the problems of fictional characters.

*KB started first grade which meant I have 6 hours to myself five days a week—priceless

*Jeanie received high honors at her school and was invited to a special award ceremony for it—this was something both of us really needed and it was wonderful to see her accomplish so much.

*Running—I have truly loved running this year. I ran my first 5K and loved the rush of it. I feel like I found a little bliss I had been missing and I’m proud of myself for sticking to it long enough to learn to love it.

*Vacationing in Costa Rica with my family--I lost the pictures, but I'm glad to have the memory.

*Discovered Isagenix and feel like I got my emotion/mood issues under better control than I’ve had for awhile.

*Deseret Book accepted my first book in a new series—Lemon Tart. I can’t wait for it to come out and it’s been a whole new experience!

*Great blogs that inspire and advise me, good family and friends that make life worth living, and the gift the Gospel gives me in knowing that hard things don’t last forever and that every day is a new opportunity to do a little better than I did the day before. I am every grateful for a Heavenly Father that loves me and wants good things for me.

Four Hopes for 09 (things I don’t really have control over):

*A new house without a house payment
*The resolving of the business issues we’re facing
*Have two books published
*Have the economy turn around WITH the lessons we’ve learned remaining in tact.


Five Resolutions for 09 (things I do have control over):

*RSVP. I was a real loser on this but I commit to RSVPing in 09.
*Run a half marathon—I’m so excited and overwhelmed by this but I’m gunna do it!
*Find my abs again—they got lost somewhere and I’m determined to find out where they are hiding.
*A compliment a day for every member of my family—they are all great, so this shouldn’t be too hard but it doesn’t come naturally.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Let Me Define This For You . . .

So, a couple months ago I noticed a somewhat disturbing thing--the word verification when commenting on blogger-blogs were beginning to sound like real words! I know, weird huh?

I've been blogging for a few years now and I had grown accustomed to word verifications that weren't words at all--"words" like llprimee and rtrpphl. I must admit that I worry my ability to now decipher some of these words is sign of some kind of mental failing on my part--making sense of nonsensical things--but then I wonder if the opposite is true instead. PERHAPS this is a sign of increased brilliance on my part! If that's the case, then the rest of you need my help to decipher what these new words mean.

So, while in Las Vegas with my family (another post for another day) I wrote down the word verifications I had on several blogs I left comments for and I will not proceed to define these words for you.

Donity--Term used to describe the bathroom. (say the following with an English accent) "I'll have me another pint when I get back from the donity"

Abloatic--The feeling one feels on New Year's morning after spending six hours eating copulous amounts of junkfood rich in transfats. "Roll me out to the car, Ma, I'm too abloatic to walk there on my own today."

Frousi--A derogotory term used to refer to young Austrian women with questionable moral characters--combination of the words frauline and hussy. "Oh, that Marta is such a frousi."

Mendstom--Actual name of the boogie man, but not used very often due to the non-frightening nature of it. "

Comenti--Title given to blog commenters that never leave comments comprised of more than 3 words such as "Good one!" or "Ha, Ha" or "You go girl-fren."--"I guess I shouldn't feel so bad, every blog has a comenti or two."

Panslo--Code word used by mothers when they accidentally turn off the burner while cooking dinner--"Dinner will take a little longer, kids, the chicken was a little panslo."

Gurga--They kind of guy that likes to date a frousi. "Oh, looks like Marta found herself a Gurga."

Glycaliz--A condition often associated with to much blog reading. "Dad, mom's looking a little glycaliz--should we shut off the breaker again?"

So there you have it--now don't you feel smarter?