2 + 20 = Awesome.

Today, is my 20th wedding anniversary. Yes, we were married on April Fool's Day. Yes, we knew it was April Fool's Day when we chose it. No, he hasn't yet packed a bag and said he was just kidding (yet.) I was trying to think of what kind of post I could do to celebrate such an occasion and it got me thinking back to that day and all the awesome things it was. The carpet in the gym where we held the reception was orange. My dress was a rental I haven't seen since that day. Lee's cowlick wasn't properly tamed but he looked awesome in his tux. We shoved cake in each others faces, I hated the earrings I was wearing, and we honeymooned in Midway Utah--incidentally the hotel we stayed at is now a drug and alcohol rehab. Go figure. After our honeymoon, we came home and opened all the presents given to us by the family and friends who were so generous in helping us get on our way--we needed EVERYTHING and we got what we needed to start a life--one towel and pan and shower curtain at a time. I remember feeling a little overwhelmed by everyone helping us so much--for years and years those gifts gave back over and over again.

Thinking about the presents got me thinking about which ones have survived the twenty years, 7 moves, 4 kids and our niece we raised for several years, and  7,285 days of life we've shared since then. So, I did a little tour of my house to see what I had left. I was surprised at some of the things that had survived and sad by some things I looked for and didn't find. Here's my report:

 We were given these goblets by a friend who I can visualize in my mind but can't remember her name--she and I worked together at Olympus Clinic where I worked as a receptionist. She gave it to us with a black nightie and a bottle of Apple Cider. I have the nightie too but I'm sparing you :-)

I had a very good friend named Laura Rustad up through high-school. She always had a smile and a hug on hand for me, even when I didn't deserve it. Her mom owned a store in the Cottonwood mall that could print photos on just about anything. For my wedding, they printed a copy of our engagement photo on some fabric and then sewed up a pillow. This was on our bed for years before I realized it was going to get worn out or ruined so now it is in my cedar trunk. Such a thoughtful gift.

The women in my ward made quilts whenever anyone got married. Ruth Rands headed up this project for me--I had been freinds with her granddaughter for years and always loved going to Ruth's house. I think she was a bit dismayed when I told her my colors were black and white, but she did it anyway--each black square has a yarn X. The backside is black, with X's also--pretty intricate quilting in my opinion. Months after the wedding she talked to my mom at church and asked if I knew she'd made it, I'd never sent her a thank you card. I remember being embarassed about that, but I don't remember if I ever sent her that card. I sure hope I did. Many a child has used and loved this quilt. Currently it is used to create the "Man Cave" for the boy child.

I have no idea who gave me the set of four black coffee mugs--my colors were black and white--but for years they were the only mugs we owned. This is the only one that survived. It has held much hot cocoa over the years.

My friend Jenny Lunt (now Moore) made me this quilt--I couldn't beleive she knew how to do something like that. She threw me a bridal shower at her home and was so sweet and supportive of my wedding. Her sisters played the harp at my reception, the classiest part of the whole day. This quilt was on my bed for the first few years of marriage and has been used by many of my children over the years. A few years after we were married a kitten we had at the time pooped all over this quilt. My brother in law was staying with us and threw it in the washer without pre-treating the stain. I cried when I realized it wasn't going to come out, though it's faded over the years. It also had a jar of pickles broken on it once. No stain from that. I'm very thankful to have Jen's friendship too after all these years. She is a gift that has continued to bless my life.

I don't know who gave us this stool, but we have used it more than any other gift we received. It has been a part of us painting numerous walls, getting things out of cupboards, helping kids wash their hands and reach the potty. When I remember to give wedding gifts to new couples (I'm so bad), I usually give them a simple step stool like this. Like many things, it's nothing fancy but it has turned out to have great value through it's use.


My crazy aunt Buleah gave us this as a wedding gift--it's our wedding invitation matted and framed. I have loved, loved, loved having this keepsake. It's something my kids have very much enjoyed as well. When I can afford it, I love giving similar gifts like this as well--but it's pricey and takes some pre-planning so having those two things line up is a bit of a trick.





This is the dress I wore from the reception. I rarely bought retail anything at the time and my mom insisted I buy a NEW dress to wear that day. So I did. And I loved it. It was an excellent breastfeeding dress in later years. :-) I consider it a gift from my Mom because she helped me pick it out and paid for it herself rather than taking it out of my wedding budget which I was ridiculously cheap with.

I don't know who gave me this platter, I remember thinking I would never use it. I didn't use it for a few years, but I've used it for numerous events since then. It's one of the nicest 'dishes' I own. And I still have the box!

My Aunt Sandy and Aunt Anne, on my dad's side, hosted a shower where all the girl's on the Schofield side made this quilt. We originally tied it with satin ribbon bows, but I had to replace it with yarn after the ribbon frayed and things. This is another quilt that has gotten a great deal of use and serves of a sweet reminder of how blessed I am with wonderful women in my family.




My good friend Cindy Voorhees--and former Young Women's President--gave Lee and I this book. I read it cover to cover the first week we were married and revisited it many times, especially in those early years. Lots of great advice from a woman who has continued to be such a fabulous source of love and encouragement over the years.

I don't remember who gave me this either, but it continues to be my very favorite vase.  For many years it was one of the prettiest things in my house.







Most importantly is that after twenty years I still have that man I fell in love with. He continues to be the greatest gift in my life and one I thank my Father in Heaven for every day. On the day we made vows to each other and to God, I felt sure I could never love him more than I did in that moment. In the years since, however, I see THAT love as only the beginning. I had no idea how big love could become--no clue how much a part of him I would be one day and how big a part of me he would be too. He is my best friend. He is the keeper of my heart. He is a big part of my identity. He is my biggest fan and cutest cheerleader. I've no doubt that the next twenty years will be just as wonderful as these two decades have been for us.

Twenty years and counting!

Seeing Red? It's Just my Color Code showing.

Back in high-school (21 years ago, yikes!) I had a Psychology class where the teacher had us take a color coded personality test. The colors were green, gold, orange, and one I can't remember. I remember that most of the kids in that class were orange--which our teacher predicted. I was not orange which I found a little embarrassing--orange was basically "fun" and what 17 year old didn't want to be fun? I think I was gold--can't remember for sure--but I do know that whatever color I was reflected that I was practical and determined--only one other kid in the class was the same color as me.
Life moved on and low and behold, I continued not to be fun and grew in both practicality and determination. About ten years after this high-school profile, I was introduced to The Color Code, a book by Taylor Hartman which was similar to that green/gold personality profile I'd taken in high-school. I bought the book and took the test to determine what color my personality was. Here's the basic color mapping:

Red: The Power Wielders
Reds have the most dominate, intimidating personality. Expressing themselves emotionally is uncomfortable and creates the vulnerability they typically avoid.

Blues: Do-Gooders
Life cannot bestow on anyone
a more grtifying reward
than the sincere appreciation
and trust of a Blue friend,
employer, or family member.

Whites: Peacemakers
Whites offer us all
a model for gentle
human dignity.

Yellow: The Fun Lovers
Happy is as happy does. Yellow people love themselves because they know exactly what they love to do and always find the time and resources to do it.

No one is all of just one color, but when I did my profile I was a bit dismayed at the results. I thought I was a Blue/White, with a little Red mixed in to make sure I was on time for appointments. Instead I was very Red, with some Blue, a little White and absolutely no Yellow. NO YELLOW. Not even one stupid answer came out Yellow!

If you go back and read those personality descriptions (they are from the chapter headings of the book) you'll notice that only Red points out the negatives of that personality type. With great power comes great responsibility, I gather.

Basically, Reds are hungry for power, want to be productive, want to look good to others, shouldn't be taken too seriously, and seek leadership. This also means that they have strong opinions, get frustrated with other peoples opinions, get the work done, often have a big mouth, and tend to keep people at an emotional distance. They like to be in charge, they like to debate, and operate from a practical and logical place. It sounds like I'm portraying these negatively, but in my mind, I see most of these as good things. However, I have just enough Blue in me to feel bad about that.

Blues are motivated by altruism (which means helping others), seek intimacy, crave being understood, need to be remembered and appreciated and are directed by strong moral conscience. Basically, they are nurturers and want the world to be a better place. They like understanding and getting along and want people to be happy and comfortable.

Not-so-surprisingly, Red/Blue is one of the trickier personality profile out there because so many of the personality traits work against each other. Basically, I am this:

• I have really strong opinions I share easily but then feel bad when people don't agree with me.
• I like to give other people opportunities to feel the success of leadership, but I want to do it myself.
• I can do almost anything (as far as role/organization/commitment) but I want to do it my way.
• I'll feel bad for not wanting to do it your way if I bowl you over.
• I share opinions then regret them later and want a do over.
• I hate hurting people's feelings but often roll over them to get my way.
• I have emotional baggage but don't let it get in the way of progress.
• I am impatient with other people's emotional baggage but feel like a creep about it.
• Accomplishment is important to me but I worry it makes others uncomfortable.
• When I hold back, I often regret it.
• When I put it all out there, I often regret it.
• I am very confident in my opinions.
• I second guess everything.

I am about 60% Red, 30% Blue, and 10% White. Seeing as how I have no Yellow, it perhaps makes sense that I hate Disneyland, don't make room for play in my life, and tend to prefer small groups or no groups when it comes to down time. My idea of 'fun' is lunch with a friend, reading a book--alone--or creating something. When I exercise it's about accomplishing a goal rather than enjoying the invigoration or the sunshine. I really don't see this lack of fun as a drawback--but I know other people do and I have enough Blue to regret that. I have enough White to forgive myself for it. My Red thinks I'm wasting my time missing Yellow, my Blue thinks my Red is being mean, and my White wishes that Red and Blue would both just calm the heck down and think about things in the greater scheme of existentialism.

Right now, I am feeling very frustrated with the world at large and my place within it's varying opinions. I have opinions that differ with many of my family, friends, and peers, and I can't seem to shut up about them, which I can feel is creating gaps. Then again, when someone agrees with me, I am over the moon and further motivated to share my thoughts, which inevitably makes someone else uncomfortable and ends with me questioning myself all over again. I'll read one opinion piece and completely agree and tell everyone how much I agree. Then I read a rebuttal and agree with parts of that too but don't know how to respond and then I second guess both my earlier opinion and the one that follows. I find myself continually asking, "What is Right?" because Reds want to do things the right way. But what is right? What is right? What is right? There are a lot of people telling me what is right and as a Blue I am motivated to agree, but then they disagree with each other which makes my White hesitant to trust either of them. And then there are people telling me what is wrong, and that gets my Red up because I hate being questioned.

So, what's the point of this post? I don't know. My Red says that it's to educate all you people so you better understand me, my Blue says it's to help you understand me in hopes of better understanding yourself, and my White says that it's because with understanding comes a sense of comfort and peace and who doesn't need more of that in their lives? My Red wants to share all my political opinions about everything tell people how wrong they are when they don't see things my way, my Blue wants to retain a neutral presence and encourage everyone to find their own foundation, and my White doesn't want to rock the boat.

The real point of this post, I think, is to help me try and make sense of myself. The fact is that I am Red. Red is awesome--it's Red's who run the world and keep it going. So, how can I be my best Red? Can I use my Blue to temper my Red without taking away the great things about being Red? How can I let the quiet strength of my White show through the loudness of my Red?

I guess that's my course right now--learning from myself and others and trying to embrace the best of all three of my colors. They all have strengths and they all have weaknesses, but sometimes it's hard to tell the difference. I want to be Red. And Blue. And White.

As for Yellow--well, I haven't really missed it and I have enough to worry about (Blue) without adding that to the list (Red.) And I have a whole bunch of lists :-)

14 Things I Love . . .

1. My husband's arms around me.
2. Hearing that someone loves my child.
3. A sincere compliment.
4. Lunch dates with friends.
5. Accomplishing a goal, big or small.
6. A clean house.
7. Fireplaces.
8. My faith.
9. Chocolate covered cinnamon bears.
10. Appreciation.
11. A book that makes me think.
12. Soup.
13. Movies.
14. Believing someone else's life is better for having me in it.

 Happy Valentines Day. May you have love in it.

Baked Alaska Events!

For the last 7 years and 12 books, I have done "Opening Night Parties" at local bookstores to celebrate when each book is released. These events are published in the paper, advertised like crazy online, and have included food, drawings, door prizes--the whole nine yards. With the Sadie Hoffmiller series, the title recipe for each book has been served at these events. I had 11 triple layer devil's food cakes complete with chocolate curls on top. I made about 30 pounds of blackberry crumble and hired the local high school's culinary services class to make 16 pumpkin rolls. It's been a labor of love, I have loved it, but, dang, if it hasn't required some manual labor on my part. Not only making the items (other than pumpkin roll which I hired out and tres leches cupcake that was made by Lois Blackburn) but also the shopping for the items, the transport, figuring out how to keep cold things cold and hot things hot. I still have 150 banana split boats in my cupboard because I had to order 300 of them, I once had to beg some lids from my local McDonalds because I'd bought the wrong size in Salt Lake and the RIGHT size happened to come on their McCafe's (I searched half a dozen fast food places and gas stations before I found the right size) and I have leftover napkins for every single book; yellow, red, pink, green, purple, orange, blue--you get the idea. It has been fun, I've had fabulous helpers (my kids, my friends, my sister Cindy) but Baked Alaska posed a bigger problem than I'd faced with the other books.

Ice cream needs to stay frozen. Meringue does not travel well. IF the ice cream melts, the meringue slides right off. IF the transport is too bumpy, the meringue slides off. IF the meringue slides off, it's a mess and it can't just be put back on. I would need a way to store ten to twelve frozen baked Alaskas, but not in my deep freeze because that would be TOO frozen. I would have to transport them without destroying them and then keep them frozen enough to serve, and I couldn't stack them on each other. I spent a great deal of time trying to resolve these issues and make a plan, I even developed a baked Alaska cupcake that seemed easier, and is delicious, but so time consuming to make and difficult to store that it too had to be rejected (though the recipe is in the book, and it's really yummy!). In the end, I could not envision a result with the baked Alaska desserts that didn't end in failure. There were a couple other considerations for me as well:

When we served banana splits for Banana Split's release, a couple came to the event who also happened to work for the Health Department. They informed me that in order to legally serve food at such an event, I needed to have proof of a food handlers permit, and I needed a provisional certificate of some kind from the health department that certified that I was following proper technique when serving this food. There's a rather hefty fine associated with not having followed these protocals, but they didn't turn me in, just gave me a warning for next time.

When Tres Leches Cupcakes came out, the woman who had come up with the title recipe offered to make the cupcakes (she has proper certification). But that wasn't available to me this time around.

The other consideration is that my attendance has gotten lower with each opening night. In the beginning I used to get about 200 people, at the last one I probably had 100. I think in part this is because life is just so busy, I think it also has to do with the fact that I'm doing an opening night every six months and it's kind of lost it's 'punch.' Now, having the opening night has never been about selling as many books as possible, it's more about me having a chance to celebrate the book and I get to visit witht readers I only ever see at opening nights. But, still, with attendance getting smaller and circumstances getting more complicated and Baked Alaska feeling impossible to serve to a crowd, I decided to explore other ideas and I came up with something I hope will be successful.

Instead of doing one signing in my local community and serving the title recipe, I'll do five signings in five different stores across the Wasatch Front and have some yummy treats that are easy to transport. Here's a list of where I'll be and when I'll be there on Saturday, February 16th:

UVillage Deseret Book – 10:00 am-11:00 am
1076 S 750 E
OREM, UT

Fort Union Deseret Book – Noon-1:00 pm
1110 FORT UNION BLVD
MIDVALE, UT

Layton Deseret Book – 2:00 pm-3:00 pm
754 N MAIN
LAYTON, UT

Ogden Temple Deseret Book – 4:00 pm-5:00 pm
339 EAST 2250 SOUTH
OGDEN, UT

Brigham City Seagull Book – 6pm-7:30pm
725 W 1200 SOUTH
BRIGHAM CITY, UT

The first four signings are just 1 hour but I get to finish in Brigham City, which is fitting since they have given me such great support in prior openings. I'm looking forward to the chance to see a lot of fans in one day and since I'm doing less signings throughout the year, I'm hoping people will come out for this one. I'm looking forward to doing something new; changing things up and seeing how it turns out. I'll let you know how it goes :-) or, better yet, come see me and find out for yourself!

I started getting emails yesterday (February 8th) that people were finding Baked Alaska in their local stores. You can also order it online at deseretbook.com or Amazon.com or Barnesandnoble.com. The ebook versions for Kindle and Nook are on their way and it will be on audio, both MP3 and CD within the next week. I hope you love it. You can also buy it in paperback AND ebook, as a combo.

If you'd like to read the first chapters, go HERE. Recipes will be posted on the 16th.

Thanks for all the great support, the series has continued to grow in popularity and I could not be happier with where I am in my career. I owe that to my readers who have laughed with Sadie, rolled their eyes at Sadie, and, ultimately, cheered her toward victory! I hope you enjoy her latest adventure.

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!

This has been a crazy year for me, lots has happened, but you wouldn't know it reading my blog :-) Still, I do like to check in here and I do have things to say--just not a lot of time to say it. I published three books this year and wrote three more, by far this is the most intense 'writing' year I have ever had. I presented at numerous conferences, attended my first out-of-state conference, and had a couple of trips to Southern Utah. Lots of work to be done, lots of great opportunities, lots of fabulous people I got to meet and talk to.

And amid it all, I had some goals I set this time last year. So, here is my report on how I did, how I feel about it, and what I plan to do this year.

Report on 2012:

1--Run a 1/2 marathon in 2:10--Smoked it! I ended up running 2 half marathons under 2:10, with my fastest time being 2:03.

How do I feel about that?

I am beyond thrilled by the accomplishment of this goal, it is the result of hundreds of hours and miles run and I was really glad to see it pay off. HOWEVER, I finished that last half in August and have run less than 10 miles since then. In part this was because I had two really intense deadlines I had put off, but in part I feel like I burned myself out on running. It had become such a focal point that it wasn't really fun anymore. I'm hoping this will change next year, but I'm not pushing it.

2--Sit down meal twice a week. --Nope. For the, what, fourth year in a row cooking for my family did worse than ever.

How do I feel about that?

I hate this but feel as though I have tried all kinds of things to do better and they just don't stick. I'm at a loss of knowing what to do now. I have tried calendars and schedules and meal plans and having-stuff-on-hand but with my kids schedules, my schedule, some eating considerations, and my lack of ambition I have been completely unsuccessful. I made dinner two to three times a week, and then we eat leftovers or have cereal or whatever. I don't know what to do about this.

3--Take a crochet class. --Nope. I looked into a few but the timing was bad and they were 30 minutes from home and I couldn't make it work.

How do I feel about that?

That said, I did more crochet than I have done in the past and have made a lot of dish-scrubbers out of 100% cotton yarn and taught myself a new stitch/patterns. I have a very hard time sitting still or just watching TV or whatever, so having something to do with my hands is stress-relieving for me and allows me to be still. I wish I had taken a class but I'm glad that I at least progressed.

4--Journal once a month. --Nope. I did journal seven times.


How do I feel about that?

I'm glad I did more than I'd done the year before, but frustrated that I didn't find one time every 30 days to write in my journal.  I'm a writer; I love words. I'm frustrated that I didn't complete a goal that used those gifts and abilities.

5--Attend the temple once a month. --Nope. Fail on this one too.

How do I feel about that?

Frustrated. I went five times, which is better than I did in 2011 but not even half of the goal I set. I know part of it is because there was no local temple for much of the year which meant I had to go to Logan or Bountiful. People who live farther away than I do are surely rolling your eyes--go for it--but it won't change the fact that I am used to having a temple within 20 minutes and I don't anymore and it's hard for me to make the extra time. No, that's not a good enough reason, but it's the truth. I have no good excuse for not having even attended the new Brigham Temple yet, other than time and hassle to make the phone call necessary for a session. Again, not a good enough reason, but it's an honest answer. And yet, one of those five times I attended resulted in one of the strongest answers I have ever had to a personal situation. It's not something I will ever write about in a journal, but it involved a physical reaction and a very strong impression of exactly what to do. I've never experienced anything like it, and, honestly it was a little freaky, but very, very good. I did as I was told and experienced a rush of relief and assurance that I had listened right. I'm very grateful for that experience and my goal of going once a month is part of why that happened, which I'm grateful for as well. So, in a nutshell I had a positive result from this goal and I'm glad for that.





6--Be nice.--I did better.

How do I feel about that?

Good. I think being nice is important and I made a conscious effort to do this. In the process I found myself more empathetic of others and less judgmental. Though I have a long way to go in regard to judging others, I do feel like I made progress and I'm glad for that. I found myself reminding myself over and over again that "Christ would be nice" which helped me to take a breath and calm down. 

Overall, I think I can say that I accomplished 2 of the 6 goals I set, which is discouraging to me. I believe that confidence is created by setting goals we can accomplish. I think when we do this, connections are made in our brain that make us feel strong and successful. And I did not fulfill 4 of the goals I set. I am glad to say that I improved in 3 of those 4 areas, and that is good, but they weren't ridiculously difficult goals to accomplish.

And so, 2013 . . .  what will I do with you?

My answer. Nothing. Yet. I need some time to ponder and evaluate and decide in what ways I want to become a better person. And I need to set goals I know I can accomplish. So, I guess that means I'll blog at least twice this year.

To be continued . . .

Why Women Wore Pants or Purple Today

I am Mormon. I live it. I love it. I can not imagine a life without it; these are my people and I have made covenants that reflect my faith in an eternal plan of salvation and happiness. I have no desire to separate myself from my faith. My life is fully entwined with my religion. I like it this way.

That said, the gaining, and keeping, of my testimony has not been without some difficulties. There are aspects of the church (which in some regards is separate from The Gospel in my mind) that at times rear up to confront me. Most of them have to do with 'policy' (which is not to be confused with principles of doctrine.) I feel it's part of my journey here on earth to explore these things and it seems I am continually doing so. I am still faithful, I am still learning, and I am still able to put my hardest issues on a shelf and go about my Mormon-church-entwined life because the parts I believe, I believe in so strongly.

However, I have seen, up close, people like me face times where they can not see around their struggles and are suffering for it. I have stood in many a position of judgement over the course of my life toward people like this--even to the point of assuming there must be a 'sin' that is blocking their ability to believe, which is sometimes true but not always and not really any of my business--but my heart is changing and I am seeing things differently than I have before and gaining a fuller understanding of how very personal our personal journeys are. I see people leaving the church because they feel it's 'all or nothing' and they can't swallow the 'all' anymore. These are people I love, my people. Amid these people are women who have been told it's inappropriate for them to go to church without pantyhose on (three years ago), who are told the main reason for modesty is to keep men's eyes from wandering (within the last year), who have been told that their husband has the final say in serious matters taking place in their home or marriage and they need to submit to those things without question (my whole life.) None of those things are true, and yet there is a 'cultural' expectation among some members that they are and it's reflected in lessons, conversations, judgements, and 'policy.' The faith of some begins to fray after years and years of comments such as these and cause them to question why are they being told things in direct contradiction to what their heart believes--that they are a daughter of God, equal in every way to God's sons. Why is their church not telling them what God tells them?

The campaign to wear pants to church started as a way for Mormon feminists to identify each other and show their congregations that they exist and that they want what is taught in church to reflect what they feel in their hearts, they want equal consideration for non-priesthood callings, they want to be acknowledged as contributing members regardless of whether they become a wife or mother, they want to feel like an equal voice in their ward councils.

 I am not a feminist, so it wasn't until I saw the backlash against the pants-to-church idea that I began considering joining the effort, not because I personally feel the same hurt these women feel, but because I've felt different hurts and I have found such comfort in finding people I can talk to about those things and who love me anyway. Mormon feminists often feel that the only way they can be 'in' the church is to keep their opinions to themselves, that if they express their concerns they will be labeled as unfaithful, man-haters, in want of the priesthood, questioning God, or not believing in prophetic counsel. It can be hard to have to keep silent and hide your questions in a church that asks for your heart, that binds you together as saints, and assures you that every sparrow matters. These women are reaching out to be 'seen' and to be heard. They want to feel as though they belong, that their fellow Mormons want them here; that there is room in the Inn for them despite the questions they are seeking answers to.

Wearing pants isn't about 'pants' or wanting to dress like a man, it's about making a point that there are cultural expectations within out church in need of re-thinking. It's never been a commandment that women wear dresses to church (in fact Brigham Young once designed a pant-like outfit for women to wear that he felt was more practical than a dress; it was deemed 'hideous'), but we have been told to wear out 'best dress' and culturally this has become dresses. When women wear pants to church (which many do, especially outside of Utah) they are sometimes viewed as breaking some commandment (which she is not.) The point of wearing pants and breaking that gender mold today is an example that other gender-specific molds need to be looked at. As the movement gained attention, it was offered that those who were uncomfortable with the idea of wearing pants, or for men who wanted to show their support, could also wear purple, a traditional color or suffrage and solidarity. The goal of the pants and the purple is to allow the issue to be seen and, hopefully, be pondered upon.

There is historical precedence to asking for consideration of policy in regard to religion:

• In the Old Testament women approached Moses about their right to own property. He took their concerns to the Lord who answered with a change to a 'cultural' norm.
• Emma Smith approached her husband with concerns about smoking and chewing and both the poor manners associated with it and the low-quality habit of the actions. Joseph Smith took it to the Lord and a change was made.
• Until the 1920's, the temple garment Mormons wear after getting their temple endowment covered from ankle to wrist. By the end of that decade, it was changed to cover the shoulder to knee. This was understood to have been changed because many voices asked why it was the way that it was. It turned out that ankle to knee was primarily due to fashion at the time the garment was introduced (50 years earlier.) With changes to the 'temporal' dress of its members, and no spiritual significance to having so much of the body covered, the garment was changed.
• In 1978 all men, regardless of race, were giving the opportunity to hold the priesthood after the leaders of the church inquired of the Lord about it which happened AFTER church members asked why it wasn't already that way.
• Just last week the Church created a website offering a compassionate hand to people struggling with same sex attraction. I believe this was brought about because many members of the church have questioned the hard line approach the church leaders have taken in the past.

I have to wonder what other things God is waiting for us to ask for. Is it not a reflection of the agency He has given us that we have to ponder on these issues for ourselves, then go to Him for help, and THEN get an answer? Is that not the nature of prayer we have been taught? Could this movement be the starting point for people who have not spent any time considering gender inequality to do so? Could it also be a balm for those who have felt wrapped in their concerns about gender inequality and want understanding and change?

I, personally, have not been hurt by the gender inequality I see (it is certainly there.) I have followed a very traditional role in my life and have felt very supported in those things by the church. BUT, as a sister to every other women in this church, if they are hurting, and I can see why the hurt is there, I can feel it too. As a mother of three wonderful, and very different, girls, I realize that they will have their own struggles of testimony--which may or may not be about gender inequality--and I want them to know those concerns are valid and are worth seeking answers to. I want them to know that they can have a testimony of parts of the gospel while still working toward other parts--that they don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater if there are aspects they aren't reconciled with. I want my son to be mindful of God's equal love for women and men; that because he holds the priesthood does not mean he is more loved.

So, I did not wear pants to church today--though the decision to wear purple instead was made just hours before my worship services. I was prayerful and thoughtful about the decision for days and in the end felt that to wear pants seemed to say that this issue was in my way personally, which it is not. But I did wear purple, and my husband did as well, to show our support of their feelings and to encourage understanding of this issue. I only had one person ask me about it, and she seemed disappointed that I would support this effort but had also heard that this was brought up by a group who wanted a woman prophet. I explained as best I could that it was not about that; I'm not sure she was open to my answers. My husband had one man ask him if his purple tie was for the effort, when Lee said that it was, the man laughed and nudged the man next to him, saying Lee was a feminist. No women in my ward wore pants and though some were in purple, I don't know if there was purpose to it.

I realize that some people are offended by members choosing a time of worship to 'protest' anything. I don't see this as a protest, and the reason for choosing Sunday service for this event is because that's when we're all together; that's when this would be noticed. I hope that those upset about this effort reach out to find some comfort for their hurts, that they--like the Mormon feminists who are searching--can also find their answers. I hope that the time and the way that this was chosen to be 'seen' doesn't stand in the way of all members of the church aware of the effort to look deeply enough into this issue to see it for what it is, to at least consider the concerns being presented.

I hope the answers all of us find will be ones of peace, and hope, and love.

My church is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and Christ stands at the head. It's focus is on eternal salvation, which is, in a nutshell, the chance to maintain the same bonds in heaven as we have on earth. Each and every member of this church is on their own journey (as is everyone in the world.) Each and every member of this church will face trails of faith. Each and every member of this church will have to make choices in regard to how they move forward, how they worship, how they love, how they give, how they serve.

Should the day come that my difficulties rise up to the point where I feel unwelcome; where I feel like these women feel, I hope, hope, hope that people will embrace me anyway, not shame me for my feelings or tell me to get over it, but remind me that I'm a daughter of God, that he wants me to find the answers I am in need of, that I'm on a journey, and that my doubts don't make me less worthy of their support and love. I believe God wants us to explore our doubts and learn from them.

So, to the Mormon Feminists out there who were hoping to be seen, who started something small and watched it explode into ugliness:
I see you.
We see you.
We need and want and love you.
There is room here for everyone.

For more information on this issue, here are some links:

Joanna Brooks: Religion Dispatches

Washington Post Blog

Winners of the FREE BOOKS Contest!

Thank you, thank you to everyone who participated in the contest, it went so smoothly and I so appreciate everyone's participation in the contest. I gathered up the votes this morning, gave each entry it's own number value and then ran the random number generator on www.random.org. We had 11 books in the contest. And the winners are:

From my mailing list:

chipsandsalsa12
glo_owens
suesue26
nikki.erin.hansen
bjlyman
magnolias_1
edijag123
strawberry.cullen

Live Event:

Kellie Buckner

Blog Comments:

Kristen--hosts "Always With a Book" left a winning comment on "Tanya Parker Mills"

Facebook Comment:

Alisha R.

I have contacted these winners but want to thank everyone for participating! I appreciate it so much.

If you didn't win, but would like to purchase a copy of Tres Leches Cupcakes--please go HERE for a list of places you can find the book.

Josi