When I was a younger mom and my kids were little I couldn't wait until they were older and all in school so I would have more time to get things done. I was certain nothing was harder than raising young children and trying to keep up with them.
Ignorance was bliss.
I had no idea that as I got older, my interests, abilities, and goals would increase in direct proportion to my children's interests, abilities, and goals. My world was smaller back then, as was theirs, and now they are exploring and I'm the ball boy running hither and yon trying to keep the game in motion. I think I've finally accepted the truth many people have tried to tell me--it doesn't get easier, the playingfield just changes.
But some things haven't changed. I'm still trying to get them to do things my way--although I lose more than I used to. I'm still trying to get them to bed at a decent hour--although that's now midnight instead of 9:30. I'm still trying to get them to finish their dinners--although dinner is frozen pizza more often than it's a casserole. And I'm still trying to teach them what's right and wrong--only they can make those choices for themselves more than they used to.
This year has been a whirlwind but I'm giving up the fantasy that it's going to stop anytime soon. I guess that's okay, I just need to keep the goggles on and be ready for anything.
So in the process of the madness, I haven't kept up with my blog as well as I'd have liked. I love blogging, and I love reading blogs but there is not more room in this ten gallon hat of mine. So I'll be here, and I hope to see familiar faces in the comments when I do, but I understand that life takes so much that there isn't always much left over.
I hope life is treating you all well or that, like me, you're managing to keep up, if just barely.
Happy Summer, all.
Showing posts with label Finding Time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Finding Time. Show all posts
Thursday, June 09, 2011
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I'm a mother (parent), can/should I also be a writer?
I received an e-mail the other day about being a good mother and being a writer. The woman who sent it is passionate about her writing, but concerned that the entailments of pursuing this in her life could detract from her role as a mother. I've included a brief excerpt from her e-mail to me, and, with her permission, posted the somewhat edited reply.
_________________________________________________________
Will my career as a writer, take away from being a good mother as the Lord wants me? How will being a published author interfere with the raising of my children, and meeting their spiritual, as well as their temporal needs. What will it take from them, my writing? My meeting deadlines? My conferences? My writing groups? My signings? My whatever-comes-with-the-territory with writing? Should I pursue it?
Well, first of all, the fact you worry about this is a sign, in and of itself, that you are a good mother; a very good mother. Your responsibility to your family is obviously something deeply ingrained in who you are. I don’t think you could/would do anything that put that in jeopardy. That said, being a mother was not the only reason you were sent here and I don’t believe God would have sent you a gift, and guided you as he has, if it was not part of your fulfilling the measure of your existence in some way. However, for fear that sounds simplistic, I will be very honest with you in regard to my own experience, which continues to play out every day.
No matter what you do with the time you are given, there are only 24 hours in a day. Every one of us determines how we spend that time. If we choose to spend it doing, say, piano four hours a day, we would become a great piano player, but we would have to give something up for those four hours. There are definitely times in my life where I feel that I’ve neglected my family for my writing. Usually, this is not the case, but there are times when it is true for me. I’ve come to learn I can not pursue this writing career of mine and still mother the same as someone who does not have a hobby/passion as intensive as mine—like I said, there are only 24 hours in a day. (if there was a way to find a few extra hours, I’d have found them)
There are times I’ve wondered if I’m choosing ‘fame and fortune’ over my family, there are days when this thought terrifies me. However, there are other days too when my kids come home with something they are passionate about and they KNOW they can do it, in part because they see me doing it. Part of my own success is because my dad is an artist and is passionate about his art. He had nine children and no money, but when he had some time, he pursued his art. When writing became a part of my life, I pursued it in part because I’d seen him do it. My kids are still young, and yet they are beginning to define themselves, discover their talents, pursue their dreams. I absolutely LOVE seeing this in their lives. As they get older they run into people who know me and my writing, and they are proud of me, they are excited for what I’ve accomplished. I take them with me to presentations and book signings when I can, and it’s one other sphere of the world they are exposed to, that they wouldn’t be otherwise. As I said before, your purpose on this earth is not only to be a mother. You are raising children who will one day be adults, they will leave home and have lives and families and hopefully pursue their own talents and passions. Setting an example for them is a good thing, so long as you find a balance. That is the key, but it’s not an easy one.
There are days that I feel horribly stretched. There are days when I wish my kids would just disappear for a little while (like, two weeks) so I can get my thoughts down. Every single day is a balance of ‘my’ things and their things. As the years have passed, they have learned to give me my time, and I have learned that sometimes I can’t sit down and do what I ‘need’ to do because their needs supersede my own. And many times I wonder if it’s all worth it. However, when I’m prayerful, when I request a blessing from my husband, when I sit down with my patriarchal blessing and search for answers, I can not deny that for some reason, I’m supposed to write. I do very much believe the Lord smiles on me for pursuing a gift he’s given me and making it into a talent that if nothing else, entertains some of his other children in a way that does not offend the spirit. So far I don’t have to choose between my family and my writing, so far the balance seems to be working—even if I’m frustrated by it at times.
In part through my writing, I have come to further understand that I am a wife and a mother, but before all these roles I am also a daughter of God, I have my own individual purposes and measures to fulfill in many arenas. Being a mother, or an attorney, or a salesperson, or a writer takes work and dedication—not just doing the job, but in the balancing out life to make it all fit, even if the corners get scrunched sometimes. For me, it’s worth it and though my meals aren’t as home made as they should be, and I don’t get on the floor and play like some moms do, my kids are blessed to see me working toward something I’m passionate about. I know that this is a gift I am giving them.
If for you it isn’t worth the balancing, the stretching, then don’t write. There is no shame in realizing there is not room for both in your life. Perhaps it’s not the right time for you, perhaps your writing is a gift that will manifest in another way and writing a book isn’t it. You’re ‘plan’ is not the same as anyone else’s—it’s your plan. And definitely, your children, the souls entrusted to your University, need to come first, but it doesn’t mean that writing can’t factor into your list of priorities. Only you and the Lord can figure out if writing is part of your plan, and if you seek answers, you will receive those things you stand in need of.
I wish you luck and admire your dedication to your family.
_________________________________________________________
Will my career as a writer, take away from being a good mother as the Lord wants me? How will being a published author interfere with the raising of my children, and meeting their spiritual, as well as their temporal needs. What will it take from them, my writing? My meeting deadlines? My conferences? My writing groups? My signings? My whatever-comes-with-the-territory with writing? Should I pursue it?
Well, first of all, the fact you worry about this is a sign, in and of itself, that you are a good mother; a very good mother. Your responsibility to your family is obviously something deeply ingrained in who you are. I don’t think you could/would do anything that put that in jeopardy. That said, being a mother was not the only reason you were sent here and I don’t believe God would have sent you a gift, and guided you as he has, if it was not part of your fulfilling the measure of your existence in some way. However, for fear that sounds simplistic, I will be very honest with you in regard to my own experience, which continues to play out every day.
No matter what you do with the time you are given, there are only 24 hours in a day. Every one of us determines how we spend that time. If we choose to spend it doing, say, piano four hours a day, we would become a great piano player, but we would have to give something up for those four hours. There are definitely times in my life where I feel that I’ve neglected my family for my writing. Usually, this is not the case, but there are times when it is true for me. I’ve come to learn I can not pursue this writing career of mine and still mother the same as someone who does not have a hobby/passion as intensive as mine—like I said, there are only 24 hours in a day. (if there was a way to find a few extra hours, I’d have found them)
There are times I’ve wondered if I’m choosing ‘fame and fortune’ over my family, there are days when this thought terrifies me. However, there are other days too when my kids come home with something they are passionate about and they KNOW they can do it, in part because they see me doing it. Part of my own success is because my dad is an artist and is passionate about his art. He had nine children and no money, but when he had some time, he pursued his art. When writing became a part of my life, I pursued it in part because I’d seen him do it. My kids are still young, and yet they are beginning to define themselves, discover their talents, pursue their dreams. I absolutely LOVE seeing this in their lives. As they get older they run into people who know me and my writing, and they are proud of me, they are excited for what I’ve accomplished. I take them with me to presentations and book signings when I can, and it’s one other sphere of the world they are exposed to, that they wouldn’t be otherwise. As I said before, your purpose on this earth is not only to be a mother. You are raising children who will one day be adults, they will leave home and have lives and families and hopefully pursue their own talents and passions. Setting an example for them is a good thing, so long as you find a balance. That is the key, but it’s not an easy one.
There are days that I feel horribly stretched. There are days when I wish my kids would just disappear for a little while (like, two weeks) so I can get my thoughts down. Every single day is a balance of ‘my’ things and their things. As the years have passed, they have learned to give me my time, and I have learned that sometimes I can’t sit down and do what I ‘need’ to do because their needs supersede my own. And many times I wonder if it’s all worth it. However, when I’m prayerful, when I request a blessing from my husband, when I sit down with my patriarchal blessing and search for answers, I can not deny that for some reason, I’m supposed to write. I do very much believe the Lord smiles on me for pursuing a gift he’s given me and making it into a talent that if nothing else, entertains some of his other children in a way that does not offend the spirit. So far I don’t have to choose between my family and my writing, so far the balance seems to be working—even if I’m frustrated by it at times.
In part through my writing, I have come to further understand that I am a wife and a mother, but before all these roles I am also a daughter of God, I have my own individual purposes and measures to fulfill in many arenas. Being a mother, or an attorney, or a salesperson, or a writer takes work and dedication—not just doing the job, but in the balancing out life to make it all fit, even if the corners get scrunched sometimes. For me, it’s worth it and though my meals aren’t as home made as they should be, and I don’t get on the floor and play like some moms do, my kids are blessed to see me working toward something I’m passionate about. I know that this is a gift I am giving them.
If for you it isn’t worth the balancing, the stretching, then don’t write. There is no shame in realizing there is not room for both in your life. Perhaps it’s not the right time for you, perhaps your writing is a gift that will manifest in another way and writing a book isn’t it. You’re ‘plan’ is not the same as anyone else’s—it’s your plan. And definitely, your children, the souls entrusted to your University, need to come first, but it doesn’t mean that writing can’t factor into your list of priorities. Only you and the Lord can figure out if writing is part of your plan, and if you seek answers, you will receive those things you stand in need of.
I wish you luck and admire your dedication to your family.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
What do I DO with them: Part two
Bless your little pea-pickin hearts! Really, you guys are the best. Not only did you give me great suggestions, but even though I knew summer was hard for other mom's, I didn't realize it was as hard for them as it was for me. I'm not an alien life form! (that probably doesn't make you all feel better, to know we're so alike, but I'm feeling LOTS better)
I thought I'd give you an update on what I've implemented this week--all of it based on help from you guys. LuAnn Staheli sent me a copy of the chore list she does with her kids. I adjusted her chart to fit my house and each of my 3 older kids (13, 11 & 8) have 3 chores a day. My youngest (5) will take turns helping one of her siblings for a week, therefore learning how to do it. They don't get rides or computer, Nintendo or TV til their chores are done but they ALSO get a Popsicle when they finish--so there is double reward. Granted they are usually on their first sugar high of the day by 10:00 a.m. but who really cares? Not me.
I had heard something about a movie program for kids at our local theater but hadn't searched it out, turns out it's a free movie every week. My kids will be there, with a dollar a piece to buy a treat. That's two hours of NO KIDS every week. It will be my sacred time for nothing but writing. I have insisted on a ten o'clock bedtime, as per LuAnn's suggestions. They can stay up in their rooms, but not around me! And I'm getting up at 7:00 so that I can get an hour of computer time in before any of them wake up. So far this has worked, I don't close my blinds at night so the sun keeps me from sleeping too long. It's wonderful to have a quiet house.
I will be purchasing a Slip and Slide and a sprinkler of some kind this week. I made a list of daily things I need to do too, so I don't get buried in housework, and I do them while the kids are doing their chores and constantly interrupting me anyway. Once they've finished their chores they are starving for lack of animation and I get a little more peace as they toke up with Spongebob and Lego Star Wars. I made a list of dinners and posted them on the fridge so at least I know what my options are. We'll see how that one goes, but at least it's a start.
I really appreciate all of you guys talking me out of the straight jacket I was beginning to feel was inevitable. As an extra bonus, my daughter is volunteering in Salt Lake one day a week all summer and I was grumbling about taking her down there today (an hour each way) but then I remembered Rob Wells saying he liked to write at the Salt Lake Library. So I tried it, and wow, it was great! I wrote for almost two uninterrupted hours. Pure joy.
Anyway, the point is that I think I will survive after all. Thank you, thank you, thank you, may you all have good sunblock and marshmallows on hand at all times.
I thought I'd give you an update on what I've implemented this week--all of it based on help from you guys. LuAnn Staheli sent me a copy of the chore list she does with her kids. I adjusted her chart to fit my house and each of my 3 older kids (13, 11 & 8) have 3 chores a day. My youngest (5) will take turns helping one of her siblings for a week, therefore learning how to do it. They don't get rides or computer, Nintendo or TV til their chores are done but they ALSO get a Popsicle when they finish--so there is double reward. Granted they are usually on their first sugar high of the day by 10:00 a.m. but who really cares? Not me.
I had heard something about a movie program for kids at our local theater but hadn't searched it out, turns out it's a free movie every week. My kids will be there, with a dollar a piece to buy a treat. That's two hours of NO KIDS every week. It will be my sacred time for nothing but writing. I have insisted on a ten o'clock bedtime, as per LuAnn's suggestions. They can stay up in their rooms, but not around me! And I'm getting up at 7:00 so that I can get an hour of computer time in before any of them wake up. So far this has worked, I don't close my blinds at night so the sun keeps me from sleeping too long. It's wonderful to have a quiet house.
I will be purchasing a Slip and Slide and a sprinkler of some kind this week. I made a list of daily things I need to do too, so I don't get buried in housework, and I do them while the kids are doing their chores and constantly interrupting me anyway. Once they've finished their chores they are starving for lack of animation and I get a little more peace as they toke up with Spongebob and Lego Star Wars. I made a list of dinners and posted them on the fridge so at least I know what my options are. We'll see how that one goes, but at least it's a start.
I really appreciate all of you guys talking me out of the straight jacket I was beginning to feel was inevitable. As an extra bonus, my daughter is volunteering in Salt Lake one day a week all summer and I was grumbling about taking her down there today (an hour each way) but then I remembered Rob Wells saying he liked to write at the Salt Lake Library. So I tried it, and wow, it was great! I wrote for almost two uninterrupted hours. Pure joy.
Anyway, the point is that I think I will survive after all. Thank you, thank you, thank you, may you all have good sunblock and marshmallows on hand at all times.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
What do I DO with them?
I've said before the most common question I get from up-and-coming writers is "How do you find time to write?" I've also said that the question I ask other writers the very most is "How do you find time to write?" It makes me absolutely nuts that after almost ten years I can't say "Oh, I do this and this and this--it's easy." And here I am AGAIN, tired of cramming my writing into ten minute segments, hungry for some structure I can stick to. I have my tricks--cleaning by fives, setting a timer, certain times of day--but they are on the fritz or I missed a payment or something. As I think I've sufficiently communicated--I've had a rough few months of writing. I'll get a great idea, work on it for two weeks and realize I took a wrong turn. I'm on my 4th version of my current WIP and still have 90 pages of cuts for my latest version (add that to the 350 pages of the other 3 versions for full effect). And then, all of a sudden last week I started getting ideas--you know, those wispy things that when braided together and sufficiently glued actually look like a story. Not only did I get ideas for the current WIP, but also for a national book I was working on a year and a half ago. But are those ideas written? NO--why? Cause school is out for the summer!
Back in November I talked about life moving at the speed of a semi without brakes. It hasn't stopped and I've realized (again) that I can't expect it to slow down. I just need to make wise choices and stay on the road. The four little faces that after a week are telling me they're bored are making it complicated. I have managed to create no routine whatsoever (you want 8 hours of TV, with 4 hours of Nintendo sprinkled in--okay) My house is a mess (Mom, do we have any clean silverware? Use the plastic stuff--and wash it yourself when you're done so your sister can eat too) and in another week I'll be crying about it.
So help a sistah out, huh. What's working for you? What is your plan? How are you adjusting your writing to fit inside the summer stuff? Julie Bellon mentioned her routine that works (it's in the comments)--I'd love to get more specifics. But for everyone, for the love of all things dusty and whining, please share.
Back in November I talked about life moving at the speed of a semi without brakes. It hasn't stopped and I've realized (again) that I can't expect it to slow down. I just need to make wise choices and stay on the road. The four little faces that after a week are telling me they're bored are making it complicated. I have managed to create no routine whatsoever (you want 8 hours of TV, with 4 hours of Nintendo sprinkled in--okay) My house is a mess (Mom, do we have any clean silverware? Use the plastic stuff--and wash it yourself when you're done so your sister can eat too) and in another week I'll be crying about it.
So help a sistah out, huh. What's working for you? What is your plan? How are you adjusting your writing to fit inside the summer stuff? Julie Bellon mentioned her routine that works (it's in the comments)--I'd love to get more specifics. But for everyone, for the love of all things dusty and whining, please share.
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