School Daze--shudder

So, Jenna, at one of my favoritist blogs, Cranberry Corner, is going back to school. My neighbor (with 3 girls ages 1-7) is also back in class. And even my dear husband is doing the online thing. Ironically, all of them are going into nursing. My hubby is already an RN, but would like to get his Bachelor's degree. Even though he doesn't work in the field right now, he wants to shore (sure?) up his options and his nursing license has been a great security for us throughout our marriage.

I look at all these people--grown ups every one of them--and think, gosh, maybe I should go back to school, too. I mean, my kids are in school all day now and there are two wonderful universities within a thirty minute drive of my house; not to mention an IT school and an extension just ten miles away. It might be fun.

This lasts for about twelve seconds, then my stomach knots up, I have difficulty breathing, and I throw up.

It's not that I'm a bad student--I mean I was a solid C student through most of my schooling, except for my senior year when I went all Marion the Librarian and brought my GPA up to 3.6. I had some good teachers and some bad teachers, and one teacher in particular that said to me "I'll never understand why women go to college when they're sitting on a fortune." Think about it--it's pretty crude.

After high school, I attended a year of college and took all my writing classes. I was set toward getting an Associate of Science degree and decided to do my favorite classes first. I wrote two scintillating papers--one on the contagious aspects of a yawn and one on sex change operations--yes, I did choose my own topics, why do you ask?

Halfway through that year my missionary came home. We got married in April and three weeks later I kicked off my shoes and went about getting pregnant. I've been happily uneducated ever since.

Now, don't get me wrong, I loooooove to learn--love it. I love to be a know it all, I love knowing weird details about things like the fact that one pickle has all the sodium your body needs for a year--it's true, I read it in Reader's Digest. I love to read, I love, love, love, Wikipedia, and I have been a voracious student of writing skills (not that my blog reflects it, but still). However, do not put me in a classroom and make me take a test. Oy, the very idea gives me a headache. Truly, I don't think I could do things like complete assisgnments and color in bubbles on the little test thing--do they still do that?

I have returned to the classroom a couple times--I had to go to a three week class to get my Dietary Manager certification when we owned the Assisted Living facilities--hated every minute of it but I framed the certficate all the same and I'll admit to a sense of pride that I passed the test and could serve my pork roast with confidence, knowing it had been cooked to the optimal internal temperature. I also took a class on photoshop a couple years back. It was a pass-fail class based upon finishing the different segments. As soon as I'd completed 60% of the work I could stop attending if I wanted to--seeee yaaaaaa.

I do realize that if the economy gets worse and my books stop selling I might have to get a job--and truly I'm woefully unqualified for pretty much everything but daycare--however, I'm not a big fan of kids so I don't see that as a good option (neither to the parents that would entrust their little darlings to my care). I'm a great waitress though and would make a pretty good checker at a grocery store--neither of which require me to have any kind of special certification AND they pay like $6/hour. After making about $1.50/hour writing books and doing laundry and dishes for free these last fifteen years--that sounds like a lot of money!

So, yes, this is a hats off to those of you that have the discipline and dedication to go to school--I do admire it--and yes, this blog could also be construed as a plea that people don't stop buying books. But, mostly, this is me coming out of the proverbial closet and being grateful that I live in a country where I am free to be an uneducated lump if I want to.

Would you like fries with that? A baked potato is going to cost an additional $1.25 but the butter and sour cream is free.