I've had a couple people e-mail me to see if I'm okay--I am so stop worrying, unless your worry was going to translate into sending my money, then you can worry all you want.
The last couple months have been, in a word, hectic. Spring soccer, multitudes of recitals, year end performances, award thingamagigs, and trying to get the yard up to par has sapped me of most of my free time. I've been writing here and there, but I simply had to throw some things in the back of the closet in order to survive the month--blogging was one of them, as was Jazzercise, doing my hair, and cooking dinner. I can honestly say I can't wait for summer this year! I can also say I will never ever ever ever put my kids in spring soccer again. I just can't take it. I freeze my butt off, spend half the day every Saturday running between the different fields (AYSO uses different schools for different age groups) and then my kids are the first one to volunteer to sit out. I'll do indoor in the fall but I'm done with sitting outside in the rain. Send me hate mail if you wish--I recycle.
So, I turned 34 on Monday. No biggie. Birthdays have never been all that neurotic for me, I've always felt older than I am and so I feel like I'm just catching up with myself. We'd gone camping for the weekend which was super fun and we came back a day early to beat the rain, which we did. My hubby was sweet and gave me a wonderful day. AND for my birthday he paid for me to get a 30 day Isagenix thingy. I've never done these kinds of things--body cleanse, meal replacement hoodoo things--but my sister has had some great success with this system so I'm giving it my own cynical try. I'll be starting on Monday--after fast Sunday--and I'm really surprised by just how dang scared I am.
First, why I'm doing it. Though Isagenix makes a big deal about weight loss, that's not my main reason. I am 25 pounds heavier then when I got married--but I was 18 and a size 2 back then. I'm not planning to revert. I'd like to be ten pounds slimmer, but if I knew I could stay the size I am right now for the rest of my life, I'd be happy. I've always had a kind metabolism, but I also eat fairly healthy too. I'm not an over eater, but I am an indulgent eater. If I want chocolate, I eat chocolate. I won't eat a big huge candybar, but I'll eat a hand full of M&Ms three times a day if I'm in the mood. If I want leftover stroganoff and a cheese sandwich for lunch, I eat it. I've had 5 peices of my birthday cake since Monday. After I turned 30 I noticed that my body wasn't as forgiving. I could no longer eat a dozen cookies three days a week and still fit into my skirt for Sunday--but I could still eat half a dozen. Anyway, I've been very lucky in that regard.
However, the big reason I'm doing the Isagenix thing is because I need some balance emotionally and mentally. I've never had anxiety issues or been what I would call high-stress, but I find myself awake at night worrying, venting more often, and just feeling lousy. I'm sure some of it has to do with the phase of life I'm in with my kids getting older and needing so much support, and some of it likely has to do with some family stuff going on, but I know I could be dealing with it better. I'm always tired--always--and I can't seem to get enough sleep, yet I can't sleep in. I need more energy and I feel certain that I'm simply out of balance with myself. The Isagenix system claims to be all about balance, filling your reserves of vitamins and minerals that you don't get from a typical diet. So, I'm going to give it a shot and see where it takes me.
So why am I scared? I just don't know if I can hack it. I'm very busy, and a lot of my time is spent preparing and cleaning up food. I'm surrounded by food, and four kids who eat it, and I'm used to eating what I want when I want. I might feel guilty later, especially when something doesn't fit or I have to try on a bigger size than I did last time, but though I try and pay attention to what I eat, I still eat what I want. For example, this morning I've had two microwave s'mores. Health food, I'm sure, because I only had two...oh wait, I ate one of #4's too, so I had three--but I wanted six! I think I should get points for what I DON'T eat, but, well, it doesn't work that way.
I've been scouring the internet for info on the Isagenix system, success stories, and things like that. Most of the stories I found are linked to someone trying to sell the stuff, so I have a hard time swallowing it hook line and sinker. My sister's success is a huge motivator, and I found a couple blogs, but I was surprised how little objective stuff was available. I'm hoping to offer something a bit more fair minded. My husband has done plans similar to this in the past, and it didn't convert us, but I'm going to give this two months and see what the end results are.
I hope no one thinks I came out of hiding for a sales pitch--certainly not. But I wanted a place to be accountable too and hopefully this will be it. Hopefully I'll also be feeling better and less frazzled so that I'll want to come back to blogland more often--that would be nice.