Bloggy Award and Meme

The Amazing Sandra chose me and four other bloggers for this blog award—which was very sweet. Here’s what she said by way of her reason:

3.Josi:  if you don't know Josi, then you don't know how to look at the hard parts of life and still smile

I hope this is true—but I must say I don’t see it very much. I think I whine about many things that are rather trite compared to what I see other people facing. But when people say things about me that surprise me, I try to absorb them and find the proof. So I’m going to be doing that, and I was very touched by the insightful comment. Thank you, Sandra, I appreciate it very much.

So, the five fabs I will give it to are the following: Each of them have a quality I am working toward developing in my life, hence they getting my notice:

LT Elliot—this woman is sunshine personified. Every time I see her she is just bubbly and so generous with her enthusiasm and optimistic attitude.

Ronda Hinrichsen—Ronda and I have been friends for several years and her first book comes out in a couple of weeks (If you’re in the Brigham City Area, it’s October 22 at Reflections of Utah). She's a solid woman with a strong work ethic and unfailing support of the people she loves. I very much admire her calm determination.

Don & Kara—They joint blog, so it goes to both of them, but together, and apart, they are such examples of what life really is. They have some trials, big ones that I can’t imagine, and yet if you ever read their blog they have such joy in their lives, in each other, and in their two daughters. AND, despite their family focus and optimism amid trial, they are generous and motivated toward the accomplishment of their own goals and dreams. That is a very rare gift indeed.

Julie Wright—She is my best (girl) friend and my mentor in so many ways. She just makes me feel good and when life gets hard she’s the first one I vent too—she’s always very validating and encouraging for whatever I might be facing. I just love her.

Jenna--Is the mother I want to be and I find her a very capable, courageous and inspiring woman. AND I love sending her these things because her answers fascinate me.

Now, on to the questions.

1. Where is your cell phone?.... I don’t know. Car or kitchen or pocket of the hoodie I wore last night. I do think it is charged, however.

2. Your hair? ...... Is really icky right now. I wore it curly yesterday, and the product I use is kind of sticky. I pulled it up with a red elastic this morning and need to get in the shower.

3. Your mother? ...... One of the best people I know

4. Your father?..... Gets better with age (probably my age, mostly)

5. Your favorite food? ...... Cheesecake

6. Your dream last night?.... Annoying—or I should say my husband was annoying in it. We were supposed to go to dinner with this old lady, but got distracted by a finance company who’s files Lee wanted to go through. So he rolled himself up in a sleeping bag and snuck into their office with some sidekick woman I think was his personal assistant. I was just ticked off the whole time since we were late for the poor old ladie’s dinner and then some teenagers were playing chicken in the pond out front and I finally left with Ronda Hinrichsen who was just as annoyed, but far more calm than I was about the whole thing.

7. Your favorite drink?.... Honestly, water. Boring huh.

8. Your dream/goal? .... to be at peace with myself and the people I love.

9. What room are you in? ...... kitchen

10. Your hobby? .... Oh, lots. My chickens, reading, bloggging, cooking

11. Your fear? ..... failure

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?... #8

13. Where were you last night?.....At the Box Elder High School Homecoming game—Jeanie was in the pep band who did the half-time show—it was awesome. First homecoming game I’ve ever been too.

14. Something you aren't?..... Comfortable with myself

15. Muffins? .....bran with craisens and white chocolate chips (Old Grist Mill-mmmmm)

16. Wish list item? ...... Sound canceling headphones

17. Where did you grow up?...... Salt Lake City

18. Last thing you did?...... Made pancakes for the kids and their sleepover friends

19. What are you wearing? ...... black sweat pants, black flip-flops, and an oversized Tommy Hilfiger hoodie. (flip flops were my daughters who hated them; mine now. Sweat pants were $10 on sale 5 years ago and I’ve only recently been able to fit back into them comfortably. Sweatshirt was $2 at DI about two years ago. It’s XL so super comfy and very unflattering. Good thing I’ve already got my man J)

20. Your TV? ..... 15 feet away—The Closer is on. I love TV.

21. Your pets? ......... 1 dog, Tex, and 6 chickens—who Tex would like to eat.

22. Your friends? ...... priceless and unexpected. I did not plan to have these kinds of friendships as an adult. I’m very blessed.

23. Your life?...... pathetically crazy

24. Your mood? .... anxious—I’m so far behind on my deadline and it kills me to not be living up to the expectations of my publisher. Ironically, that feeling then blocks my ability to finish the story and yet I’ve spent how much time on this blog post? It’s all very neurotic. I have a book signing today and then family pictures after that.

25. Missing someone? ..... Not really. Maybe myself a little bit.

26. Vehicle? ......Honda Odyssey (apparently creative advertising doesn’t make that big a difference when it comes right down to whether or not you’ll sell the car)

27. Something you're not wearing? ...... Make-up

28. Your favorite store? .......Deseret Industries—love that place. I get to go to the new one in Ogden today! I need some jeans and a Scout shirt. Wish me luck!

29. Your favorite color? ...... Black

30. When was the last time you laughed? ...... Last night, little man pulled his pants up to his armpits, sucked in his bottom lip and turned out his knees for the walk to our car after the game. He called himself Bartholomew Finkelton and kept snapping his fingers and saying “Ah Shucks”. It was the funniest dang thing I’ve ever seen. The kid is a crack-up

31. Last time you cried? ..... A couple weeks ago when I was alone in Vegas and feeling completely incapable of accomplishing anything in front of me.

32. Your best friend?...... My husband. I’d be lost without him.

33. One place that I go over and over? ....... Costa Rica. It is my bliss.

34. One person who emails me regularly?....... Lee—we exchange e-mails about a dozen times a day.

35. Favorite place to eat? ....... Oh, I’ll eat anywhere J

If you’re someone I tagged, be sure to tell me so I can read your answers.

I got Awarded!

Last week, Don, at fifteenminutesofdelusion.blogspot.com nominated me for the Real Life Blog award. I was very flattered--you can see from my sidebar that I don't get many blog awards. I'm not sure why that is, but assume it must be because people that award awards don't like me--could it be possible? Or maybe they don't think I care. Or maybe I smell funny. But, regardless of why THEY don't give me awards, Don did and that made me very happy!


Don commented on why they called it the Marie Antoinette Award and subtitled it with Real Blogs, Real People. I'm certainly no scholar, but I have a particular fascination with Marie Antoinette. She was basically sold as a child bride to a cold man who wanted nothing to do with her. She'd been ripped from her family, country, and life she'd known all her life and I believe she made up for this by enjoying the privilege she was afforded as Queen of France. Living this way, and being so young, created in her a definitive lack of understanding in regard to what most of France was dealing with at that time. She lived beyond opulence and luxury at a time when the people of France were starving to death. When told of the poverty taking over Paris she responded "Let them eat cake". I believe that rather than this being a dismissive comment, she was saying in the sense of "I'll give them some cake, then they'll feel better" she simply did not understand that cake today would not mean they would have bread tomorrow--she was a woman who had always had the THINGS she wanted and yet I don't believe she was ever truly filled by any of it, much like we are never filled by the things in our lives--it's the people, the relationships, and the time spent enjoying both that fill us. When reality finally made itself undeniable, she lost her life for the opulence she was in a sense forced to live within. Much like the starving people of France, she never had a choice in the life she lived either and she did not understand that other people were really suffering. In that way I think she's as much a victim as they were--definitely when her head dropped into the basket of straw on the wrong side of the guillotine.

Therefore, my theory on why Marie Antoinette is the poster child for this blog award is because it symbolizes that not facing reality, in the end, does us no favors. Whether that reality is what our weaknesses are, what are commitments are, who we fall in love with, or who we judge to harshly--living in reality is a good thing and we deserve to be honest about that to both ourselves and the world at large.

That said, I feel a bit hypocritical in regard to receiving this for my own blog. While I am thrilled to be seen as real, and I am honest in my posts, there are many, many, things in my life I do not blog about. You've heard very little about my children, my family, my husband's family, my ward, neighborhood or children's schools. That's not to say I haven't written up posts on these topics, but I delete them before they go out to the world because although it is my reality, and many things occupy a great deal of space in my brain, I am conscious of the relationships I am in and I worry about hurting people that, despite driving me batty at times, I love or respect or just don't want to hurt. THAT SAID (Yes, I realize I'm being redundant and rather circular) I think we can be 'real' without being all-telling. I believe that it's not dishonest for me not (yes, that was a triple negative) to rant against the woman at church that makes me want to plug my ears and sing la-la-la-la-la all through relief society. I believe that it's not dishonest for me to keep my increasingly fractured and frustrating relationship with a particular family member to myself. It's not fair for these people to have me make a public display of them, hence I don't. Instead, I try to keep my blogs within my own sphere, where they aren't going to cause someone else heartburn. Unless of course I want them to have heartburn--but I don't think I've found that situation I'm willing to flog someone about.

And so because of all that loopy explanation, I was thrilled to get this award, to have someone say that despite the things I leave out, I've managed to be real. That, for me, is a compliment.

And now I get to compliment some other folks for doing the same thing:

Carole Thayne at Musings in Paradise. Carole is a very good friend of mine and has helped me feel at peace with some of my personal and political feelings that are not as mainstream as many people around me. She is someone I truly think I could talk to about anything without fear that she was judging me for it. I appreciate that very much in my life and feel that she has helped me with a great deal of self awareness. And I love her blog because she's very honest about herself and her beliefs, I admire that.

Kristi at Kunz Family. Kristi is an inspiring woman to me, she lives amid some trials that I know would overwhelm me, and she neither lifts herself up on a pedestal for it or feels she's being picked on. I love reading about all the things going on in her family, because I know that there are extra layers of difficulty for those things, yet she does it all with such an optimistic attitude. She inspires me to see beyond the hardships and not just pretend it's okay, but to truly make the best of it.

Julie at Scattered Jules is one of my favorite people in the whole world. She's the person I call when life crashes around me and she always--and I mean always--picks me back up and hugs me back into reality. Her heart is among the biggest and funnest hearts God ever made and I cherish her friendship as one of the gifts God has given me. On her blog she rants, and compliments, and laughs and just puts it all out there.

Stephanie at Write Bravely. I really enjoy Stephanie's blog because she also blogs about real, every day life, but the more I read, the more depth I find. I assumed for the first few months that she had lived a very typical, traditional life. Then I discovered a twist, and then another one, and then another one. It's intriguing to me that she does not simply put it all out there at one time, rather it's all just part of the life she lives. She also has an inherent goodness that reminds me that being good is strong--I need those kinds of reminders in my life and her posts always do that for me.

So there you have it, my pontifications of no substance, and my referrals to those blogs that have that very substance I enjoy so much. Thanks again Don

Me Make Website

Ya know all those caveman jokes "Me Make Fire" well, I feel a little like that. I've had a website for five years and been at the mercy of many far-more-brilliant-than-people (who are suprisingly easy to find based on those specs) to maintain it. I would send them pages and pages of updates and then marvel that they weren't done in half an hour. Are they not at my beckon call?

For the last several months I've contemplated wanting to create and maintain my own website, but after about 15 seconds of such pondering I'd break into a cold sweat and head for my Stephen's hot cocoa. I absolutely HATE learning new things, I like knowing them--it helps with my ever popular know-it-all personality--but I HATE learning it. Part of that is because I don't pick things up very quickly and have to really concentrate--headache--and second of all because there is this weird freaky part of me that thinks it should know everything already. Its horribly offended when it realizes there is something yet unknown. So, the website idea came and went and came and went and came and went.

Until this week.

My friend Stephanie Black had been in the process of doing her own website, and I've listened with half an ear--she falls into that category of smarter-than-me and I thought if she figured it out maybe I'd bribe her into doing one for me. Well, turns out that wasn't necessary. We are both Mac worshipers and at the first of this week she unveiled her new website, made on mac software that publishes to the web at a click of a button. I was intrigued. So, as is my nature, I hounded her with questions, prospering from her pioneering spirit and generous info-givingness.

As of yesterday, my new website is live! I'm so excited to be in charge of my cyber-life. I lost the first one I made due to not backing up (back up people!) and had to start over, but the final version took way less time that I expected, was cheaper than I thought, and far easier than I'd have believed. Total cost was $216--$80 for the 08 version of iLife (of which iWeb is a part), $100 for hosting and other services through .mac, and $74 to renew two of my domain names for two years--but I got $38 refunded because I canceled my previous hosting service early. It took me about 8 hours total time, including the phone time with my previous hosting service that got all the internet stuff figured out for me. Chris at Go Daddy is the Bomb.

So here I am, quite pleased with myself, and ready to catch up on the laundry and dishes and pesky things like that. You can find the site at www.josiskilpack.com and if you find a typo (it is MY website after all)--I can fix it in a couple easy clicks. Power if divine!

And to make my day even more fabo--Rebecca Talley and Stephanie Humphries--both inspiring women--gave me 'You make my day awards' totally lit me up, thanks gals.

I Won!

A few weeks back, my new friend Daizie at Looking Beyond A Cracked Window mentioned a contest her friend runs each month for different writing exercises. I surfed on over to read about it and the topic was My Ideal Day. I have to admit I'd been in a bit of a funk. Fall is my favorite time of year, but it's so incredibly busy. I had just finished a book that had stressed me out, Halloween was coming (and I hate Halloween) and I was just in one of those places where the joy is hard to find amid the tasks at hand. It was therefore intriguing and refreshing to consider what my ideal day would be. I can't remember the last time I just wrote for creativity sake. It was wonderful and freeing and it was nice to feel successful at something when I actually finished the project and linked back to the contest page. I read some of the other entries as well and they were very good. I was intrigued with how different each ideal day could be for different people. I didn't hear anything on the results and kept telling myself to go check in--and then on Friday I got a flurry of congrats and e-mails from friends and fellow participants congratulating me on having won! Not only did I win, but the judges gave excellent feedback and I am definitely a feedback hound. It's priceless to know what works for other people.

Anyway, I'm flattered and humbled and very grateful. Hop on over to Judith~Heartsong and you can read about the contest and the essays that were entered. Also, stay tuned for the November contest.

Rockin Girl Blogger Annette

Annette Lyon gave me this award awhile ago and I'm finally getting it posted! It's not that I wasn't flattered, and didn't reward myself greatly for my accomplishment in deserving such an award, because, oh yes, I most definitely deserved it. But the problem arose when I hovered my cursor over the picture in her blog. It showed that little hand thing that means it's a link. Oh woe is me! I didn't know how to put a link in my blog and here I was faced with such a task. So I put it off, and wrote about chickens, and books, and crap like that. And yet, here I am, repentant of my procrastination and owing Annette ANOTHER favor for being so difficult to work with. One day she's just going to show up and repossess my car or something to make up for all the things I owe her.

Which brings me to another point, that I'll likely owe Annette for too. Annette and I 'met' through an e-mail group, LDStorymakers which is a group made up of . . . well, storymakers that are LDS. I'd been a member since the beginning (i.e. dominating, difficult, and oh so right about everything) and Annette had just joined up. She was smart and opinionated--just the right qualities to bring out my dominating difficultness.

So, one day the group starts discussing publishing and neither Annette or I can keep out mouth shut. I won't go into the actual topic associated with the debate, but we were both passionate, opinionated and within a few hours it was ugly. We were slinging mud back and forth so fast that other members of the group quickly stepped back, pulled out their 72 hour kits and started praying. This went on for most of the day. I don't know exactly what she was thinking at the time, but my whole day revolved around this battle. I took great pride in my quippy replies and how 'right' I was, and the battle quickly became personal attacks against each other. When my husband came home I read him each e-mail in order, my ire rising as I waited for him to congratulate me for my pointed prose and tell me what a demon Annette was for daring to question my all-knowing brilliance!

Just as I finished the last post, another e-mail came in. "Oh, perfect," I said, wiggling my butt into my chair and sharpening my nails as I clicked on it and started reading it to my husband. I don't remember the exact wording but it basically said, "This has gotten out of control and I'm so sorry for the things I've said. I'm taking a few days off to think over the things you've said, and I've said. Again, I'm sorry."

Talk about deflating my rage. I just sat there, staring at it, trying to come up with something I could pull out and smash between my queenly fingers. But there was nothing but sincere humility and regret in her words. My husband just sat there as well and finally said. "Wow, she doesn't seem so bad."

Yeah, she didn't, did she? It was amazing how quickly my fires were put out when humility was thrown into the battle. For the next few months we were careful around each other, and then little by little we'd each take a step forward, and then another and another. Today, three years later, Annette is one of my favorite people. She and I trade articles back and forth for editing, I volunteered at her chocolate show, she invited me to be part of her planet, and she gave me the Rockin Girl Blogger award it too me weeks to blog about. It's rather amazing how much we have in common--which might be the basis for our fight in the first place.

I learned a lot that day, about the kind of woman Annette really was, and about the kind of woman I was. I've thought back to it many times as I've been quick to reply to something I've taken offense to and it is one of those moments that comes back to me often as I debate between being 'right' and being 'righteous'.

Oh, and for the record--she WAS right all along. The castle I was defending was soon realized to be made of cardboard. I'm reminded of a quote relayed by Tim Taylor of Tool Time "Better them to think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

So is this a "Josi's a moron" topic or a "Been there, done that" frame of reference for all y'all?

Oh, and am I supposed to pass on the award?