Where I was on September 11, 2001

I was 5 1/2 months pregnant with my youngest child and partial bed rest, meaning I did as little as I could. Lee's niece, Lindsy, was living with us during her senior in high-school. She was getting ready for school and I'd just woken up Breanna who was in second grade. A neighbor boy, Josh Crittenden, sometimes got a ride with Lindsy in the morning and he came to the front door and told us a plane had just hit a building in New York. I turned on the TV and we all watched the live report. I had no doubt it was a horrible accident. How could a plane go off course like that?

Smoke was pouring out the building, they were talking about all the people trapped on the top floors and then while we watched, a second plane hit a second building. We all went quiet--the whole world did as all doubt that this was an accident disappeared. Lindsy and Josh left for school, I finished getting Breanna ready. Just before she left, the first tower fell. It was horrible. I thought of all the moms who'd sent their kids to school that morning before going to work. All the people with pregnant wives or who were pregnant themselves--people like me who'd had a normal morning. I sat on the couch, watching the replay over and over again and wondering what would happen next. Then the plane hit the pentagon. And then the flight in Boston crashed into the field.

I had never been so grateful to live in little Willard, Utah. I felt safe here. I watched all the broadcasts until I couldn't take it anymore. I cried, I prayed, I wondered what the future would be like for my children.

Six weeks later I had my last child two months early. The following April my oldest child was baptized. In June Lindsy got married. Life went on. I didn't know anyone who died in the towers. I didn't know anyone who knew anyone who died in the towers. But it did change things. My children have grown up in a world that has been at constant war. Some of Lee's family have joined the armed forces. My oldest daughter wants to go into the military. I have the same fear of the future I had then, and yet I have the same faith I had too. Faith that we are strong, that we will move forward, and faith that those people who died were embraced by loved ones on the other side. I believe the intensity of September 11th will happen again. Perhaps several times in my lifetime. It scares me to think about that. I hope that fear is a healthy one, though. That it drives me to hold my children a little tighter, and teach them a little better about what I believe life is about. I still get emotional when I think of that day, and I still pray for those who lost so much. And I still hope for the strength to endure what might come next.

Top of Utah 1/2 Marathon 2011 Report

On Saturday, August 27th, my sister Crystal and I ran the Top of Utah 1/2 Marathon in Cache Valley Utah. It was my second 1/2 marathon. Because I had surgery in June, my training was affected (Yeah, yeah, that's it, nothing else like laziness got in my way. Certainly not). I started running again in mid-July and was back up to 7 miles by August. I ran between 12 and 25 miles a week for the next three weeks and did my last long run (12.5) 9 days before the race. I felt ready.

Crystal came up from Southern Utah two days prior and that was great too, she is so much to fun to hang out with and we really enjoy our time together. Friday afternoon we drove up to Providence and stood in line for our goodie bag with our number, some coupons and our shirt. The shirt was AWESOME. It was a woman's fit and I absolutely love it. I didn't know what I was going to wear until I got it, and then I knew I would be wearing that shirt. I've worn it for every run since then and am considering buying a second one if I can figure out how.

Friday night we carbed up on spaghetti and salad and ice cream. I over-hydrated myself which meant I was up every hour most the night to use the bathroom--not sure I will do that again. I did not sleep great and finally took 1/2 a Tylenol PM. I slept about four hours, but I felt good when I got up. We left my house in Willard at 4:50 and stood in line for a good 20 minutes waiting to get on the bus. At one point we both popped out of line to use the bathrooms, but that was scary cause it was dark and there were two thousand people there and we got close to losing one another, but we reconnected, got on the bus, and headed up the canyon and drank our 5 hour energies.

It was getting lighter by the time we arrived and since we are girls and we were nervous, we got in line for the bathrooms again. They had lots of port a potties which was so appreciated. Just as we got up to our 'turn' in line, they told us to start lining up. We are seasoned pros and therefore smirked as people took off from the lines they'd been waiting in for the potties to get in line. We knew there was still a good ten minutes. We took our second pit stop and mosied over to the starting line. TOU put up signs that helped the runners 'seed' themselves based on how fast they expected to be. This was a great idea, I thought, and we got in line but then spotted another bathroom and thought 'what the hell' let's go one more time. It was a chipped run, meaning you have a microchip that's activated once you cross the starting line. Until you cross the line, your clock doesn't start. We used the bathrooms and because of our time-takingness we were the very last two people to cross the line. But this is brilliant, in my opinion, because you only pass people for the first little while.

The canyon was awesome. It was beautiful, only a few annoying cars that couldn't figure out how to pass 2,600 people (losers!), downhill but not a steep grade. For most of the canyon part there was a breeze that was just right. At the six mile mark I stopped to use the potties (Yes, I'm paranoid) and made squinty eyes at all the men who would just hop of the trail for thirty seconds and then hop back on. Not fair, but I can buy cuter running clothes so I guess it all works out.

After that pit stop, which took about 6 minutes, I set my cap to catch up with Crystal and was feeling pretty dang good. The sun came up over the mountain at about mile 8. I no like running in the sun and I could honestly feel my energy begin to plummet after that. We entered some neighborhoods at the base of the canyon with blessed shade and at mile 9 I took a GU packet and some water. I caught up to Crystal at mile 10 and didn't feel like the GU kicked in. By mile 11 I was really struggling. I was starting to feel sick to my stomach and the blasted sun was killing me. We'd been running for two hours by that point and I was barely getting my feet off the ground. Thank goodness for Crystal. She kept me talking and reminded me to lift my knees and keep my arms moving.

At mile 12 we caught up with a friend of Crystals who had slowed to a walk. Crystal cheered her on too. She ran with us until the last 1/2 mile when she finally had to walk again. I was seriously sick by this point and although I could see the finish line, I did not know that I was going to make it. It was the hardest mile I have ever run. Crystal was a trooper though and just kept pumping me up. Finally when there was only about 200 yards left I told Crystal to go and she was able to move ahead. I hope I wasn't holding her back. I don't know that I've ever been so relieved when I finally crossed that finish line. They handed me the snazzy medal and Crystal was there to hug me. She's fabulous. then we went on the hunt for water. We could see people with cups but couldn't tell where it was, which was really frustrating. There were two thousand people milling around this tiny area and it felt like it took forever for us to find the water and food station. They had some fruit and rolls and fat boy ice cream sandwiches. All I wanted was a banana and lots of water. I was really feeling icky.

They did prize drawing for an hour. The prizes were awesome, and they were running it quickly, but it was still an hour and I felt like absolute garbage by the time they finished. The trophies were awesome--little native American metal cut outs on natural stone. I didn't even come close to winning one but they were cute and unique.

After the prizes (of which neither of us won) We headed to Jamba Juice for smoothies and Einstein's for bagels. Yum, Yum. We ate and rehashed the race and figured out everything they needed to do to improve it while agreeing it was still a good run. Then we headed home.

Now, as a little aside, my dad was a track coach when I was younger which meant as a teenager I had no choice but to hate running because he loved it. I also hated avocados and artichokes for the same reason. I grew up, love avocados and artichokes and ... running. When he was track coach at Taylorsville High he created what he called the Buick club based on the fact that when someone throws up, they make a sound kind of like the word Buick. He made up t-shirts and when one of his runners ran so hard they pukes, they got a shirt. It was very cool.

I have never run hard enough to buick. Never. There's only been a time or two that I ran hard enough to feel queasy. However, on the way home from the run the queasy I'd felt since mile 12 started getting worse. I tried to ignore it but about the time we came around the bend and I could see Mantua reservoir I knew I was not going to make it home. I announced my situation to Crystal and then started pulling over. I made it about ten yard off the highway before I lost my smoothie and bagel into the sagebrush. I had officially joined the Buick club. It wasn't nearly as cool as I thought it was when my dad made up those shirts, though.

Crystal drove the rest of the way home and shortly thereafter Lee took all our kids to the pool in North Ogden. The goal was to shower and sleep while they were gone. The shower part was great, but though I laid there for an hour, I couldn't sleep. Instead, I got myself a coke Slurpee on my way to the pool to relieve Lee (He's working on his Master's degree and has homework all the time). I stayed at the pool for a few hours while Crystal cleaned the house for a BBQ (certainly my being gone wasn't part of a bigger plan :-) We had a great BBQ and then we went to bed. I couldn't sleep again, but took another 1/2 a Tylenol PM and manged to get a little bit.

I had an awesome Sunday nap, though.

So, all in all, it was a good run on a great course. I wish I'd trained better (I only ran three times a week) and I wish it hadn't been so hot. I wish the water station had been easier to find at the end, but other than that it was great. I would like to run it again. My time was not great, 2:30:29--8 minutes slower than my time at the Snow Canyon 1/2 last year, but I'd only had 6 weeks to train after my gall bladder surgery and I'm 5 pounds heavier.

Crys and I are trying to find another 1/2 to do this fall/winter and I'm working hard to improve my time.

BUT I can officially say "I ran Top of Utah and I have the shirt to prove it!"

iPad Contest, Wanna enter?

I am so excited for the release of Pumpkin Roll! This book will be published by, Shadow Mountain, my publishers national imprint and have better availability nationwide. In addition, Deseret Book has recently added their own ebook line, DB Bookshelf, which is available a free app for iPhone, iPad, and iPad Touch. To celebrate these exciting events for us, Shadow Mountain and I are sponsoring a contest for a new iPad2 as part of the national launch for Pumpkin Roll. There are multiple ways to enter between now and November 1, 2011. Winners will be announced and notified November 3^th 2011.

How to enter:

*Leave a comment on a participating blog

*Become a participating blog and post about the contest

*Post contest or book release announcement on Social Networks

*Pre-order or purchase a copy of Pumpkin Roll

*Enter drawing at a Live Event

*Answer a question from Chapter One of Pumpkin Roll available at  www.josiskilpack.com

Click HERE for detailed entry information.

Book Winner--Diana!

Thanks to everyone who entered the first round of the Book Bloggers Cookbook contest. We had 15 entries, each of whom are still eligible for the Kindle portion of the contest, and of those "Diana" was the winner of the cookbook and a signed copy of Lemon Tart. Diana, please contact me at kilpack@gmail.com and I'll get your address information so we can get the books to you.

Don't forget that the second phase of this contest for a brand new Kindle e-reader is still open until July 22nd. To enter, leave a comment on the original post, HERE, before July 22nd. You can get additional entries by posting about the contest on Facebook, Twitter, and your own blog. Go to that original post for more information.

Thanks for participating, y'all. Also, don't forget the Countdown to Summer. The drawing takes place in just a few more days, don't miss your chance to win!

Wanna Kindle? Wanna Cookbook?

 A few months ago, I was contacted by Christy Dorrity about a project she was working on—a Book Blogger cookbook with recipes from authors. She wanted to know if I would like to participate with my book, Lemon Tart and it's featured recipe. Yes I did! That project is now a Kindle e-book and available on Amazon.com for the amazing price of 2.99. I bought my copy last week and am very, very impressed with both the recipes and the overall format and design of this book. The books pared with recipes are awesome and include, The Maze Runner, The Hourglass Door, Wings, and Princess at the Midnight Ball. This was my first Kindle cook book, but what a great one to start with!

I also have the opportunity to blog about the book, Christy, and give you the chance to enter a couple promotional contests. The first contest will be for a copy of the ebook and a copy of my book featured there, Lemon Tart--only those who comment on this post will be entered. In addition to that contest, by commenting here you will also be entered into a larger contest to win your own Kindle and some books from Book Bloggers. To enter both contests, just leave a comment in the comment thread of this post. The winner of my contest will be chosen on Monday, June 20^th. The winner of the overall contest will be drawn on July 22nd. You can get more entries through spreading the word via Facebook, Twitter, or your personal blog--just come back here and tell us where you talked it up, your entries will be counted.

 

AND, if that isn’t enough, I got to interview Christy for this blog, which was a lot of fun. So, without further ado, here’s a little more about the project straight from the top:

What inspired this idea?
When I started a blog, the two things I wanted to write about were food and books.  I saw a contest on Debbie’s blog over at Cranberry Fries <http://cranberryfries.blogspot.com/>  that challenged readers to make a cake based on the Hunger Games series.  I love the idea of putting food and reading together to create an experience.

Right now this is a Kindle book, do you anticipate other formats in the future?
Hmmm. It’s hard to say. I would love to  publish it in hard copy at some point.  In fact, I did approach a few publishers about the cookbook. Although there was interest, I really feel that the book is better suited to ebook. There are links to bloggers’ and authors’ websites in the cookbook that would be clumsy in a hard bound copy.

How did you choose which authors you asked to participate?
When I started my blog I didn’t have the cookbook in mind so I read whatever I was interested in. From the books I reviewed in the past year, I chose the twenty books that I thought would appeal to a wide, mainstream audience.  Each book in the Book Blogger’s Cookbook is one that I highly recommend.

On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your personal level of skill in the kitchen?
Ha! Right now I am a busy mom and writer, and gourmet often consists of macaroni and cheese from a box.  But I love to try new recipes, especially desserts.  I would rate myself an 8.  My husband and I plan to attend cooking school in the distant future.  Perhaps then I will be a 10.

What is YOUR favorite personal recipe and why?
One of my favorite recipes I recently paired with Elana Johnson’s book Possession <http://www.dearestdreams.com/2011/06/possession-by-elana-johnson.html> .  I call it Jagged Ham < http://www.dearestdreams.com/2011/06/tasty-tuesday-jagged-ham.html>  and it’s the perfect recipe-easy to make, and everyone loves it.  My other stand-by recipe is a cookie recipe that one of my college roommates shared with me.  My son recently made a batch that cooked up 12 dozen!

Do you have any ideas for a follow up project?
You bet. The 2011 Book Blogger’s Cookbook is the first in a volume of books that will be published every summer.  

For more information about the featured books and how to order the book for just $2.99, go to The Book Blogger website for all the details!

Thank you, Chrissy, for the chance to participate. I wish you guys the very best.

 

Hello? ( tap, tap) Is This Thing on?

When I was a younger mom and my kids were little I couldn't wait until they were older and all in school so I would have more time to get things done. I was certain nothing was harder than raising young children and trying to keep up with them.

Ignorance was bliss.

I had no idea that as I got older, my interests, abilities, and goals would increase in direct proportion to my children's interests, abilities, and goals. My world was smaller back then, as was theirs, and now they are exploring and I'm the ball boy running hither and yon trying to keep the game in motion. I think I've finally accepted the truth many people have tried to tell me--it doesn't get easier, the playingfield just changes.

But some things haven't changed. I'm still trying to get them to do things my way--although I lose more than I used to. I'm still trying to get them to bed at a decent hour--although that's now midnight instead of 9:30. I'm still trying to get them to finish their dinners--although dinner is frozen pizza more often than it's a casserole. And I'm still trying to teach them what's right and wrong--only they can make those choices for themselves more than they used to.

This year has been a whirlwind but I'm giving up the fantasy that it's going to stop anytime soon. I guess that's okay, I just need to keep the goggles on and be ready for anything.

So in the process of the madness, I haven't kept up with my blog as well as I'd have liked. I love blogging, and I love reading blogs but there is not more room in this ten gallon hat of mine. So I'll be here, and I hope to see familiar faces in the comments when I do, but I understand that life takes so much that there isn't always much left over.

I hope life is treating you all well or that, like me, you're managing to keep up, if just barely.

Happy Summer, all.

Phenomenal Woman by Maya Angelou

*My sister Lizz shared this poem with me last week and I loved it. I must be growing up because what I once thought was beautiful is morphing. Maybe that's my own middle-age justification coming through, but ... so what? It feels good to notice beautiful eyes on someone who is relatively average or note a nice shape even if it's not a size 2. It's nice to look in the mirror and not mind the imperfections that once made me crazy (now they only make me crazy half the time :-). I thought this poem summed up what really makes a woman wonderful--the last stanza (probably the wrong word) is my favorite and I believe as we embrace this kind of confidence, life just gets better. I know it's something I'm working on. Enjoy~!

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them, They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It's the fire in my eyes, And the flash of my teeth, The swing in my waist, And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them They say they still can't see. I say, It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed. I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It's in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, the palm of my hand, The need of my care, 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Maya Angelou

Welcome 2011--Now, what will I do with you?

**I accidentally posted this to the wrong blog--so surprising, right?--so I am reposting it here for my own journalling purposes.
____________________________________*

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and again :-) I enjoy setting goals. I do get annoyed when I don't meet them the way I plan to, but can take pride in "Working Toward" rather than simply "Did It" and that's the spirit in which I shall report on 2010 and lay out my goals for 2011.

1--Lose 5 pounds --um. . . not only did I not lose five pounds, I gained ten. I am at my highest non-pregnancy weight of my adult life.

How do I feel about that?

I'm not even going to embarrass myself by answering. How does anyone woman feel about having 10 extra pounds?

Next...

2--Run a 10K --I did not run a 10K, but I DID run a half marathon, which had been a 2009 goal I hadn't met that year.

How do I feel about that?

Stinkin' Awesome! I continued to have knee problems, but I resolved them. In March of 2010 I signed up for a triathlon and a 1/2 marathon spur of the moment . . . then ended up with major surgery in July that made both events impossible. But my sister, Crystal, ran a half and watching her do it kept my fire lit. Following surgery I was able to train for a November race and and not only did I complete the marathon, but I ran the whole thing. My final time was 2:22 and I could not be more pleased with that time. It was a fabulous, wonderful, confidence boosting experience.

3--Love better --I really made it a focus to love the people around me, and learn more about love. I discovered that when I'm judging people, I can't love them. So, the root of love was not being so dang judgmental. And this lended itself toward judging myself as well and therefore loving myself better.

How do I feel about that?

Really good. I'm very proud of myself for working on this--it didn't just happen. It took focus, it took prayer, and it took working through some very hard emotional baggage that was getting in the way of my ability to truly trust people, which is a big part of love for me. Not only do I feel good about what I accomplished, I am so very grateful for having set it as a goal in the first place. It was a little ambiguous a goal to set and yet the results are solid and life changing. I still have distance to cover, but I made some profound discoveries and feel good about that.

4--Read 50 books. --I did not read 50 books. I was probably closer to 35.

How do I feel about that?

Disappointed. I really wanted to read more this year and instead I think I read less than I did last year. I'm only counting books I finish, and I bet I started 15 books that simply didn't hold my interest. That's disappointing, and yet I read some wonderful books that I really enjoyed. For instance, I discovered Kate Morton, who has a beautiful way with words. I read Train to Potevka which was wonderful, and The Message which was also very good. So, while I didn't meet my goal of 50 books, I'm still glad I set it and worked toward it.

5--Cook dinner. --I had hoped to cook dinner 4-5 times a week. I didn't do this consistently and probably averaged 2-3, which is more than it was in 2009 but not what I was shooting for.

How do I feel about that?

Frustrated. I love to cook and I love food and I love to eat with my family, so not fulfilling this goal means I missed out on three things I love. I am glad I improved and that's encouraging but I had hoped to make it more of a priority and I didn't do that.

6--Write at least 1 hour a day, 6 days a week. --HA--I did not even get close to this one. I started out strong, but it completely fell apart come March. Everything this year felt rushed and my writing was no different. I ended up doing most of my writing in chunks of time I had to carve out of regular life. Daily writing hasn't happened for me in months.

How do I feel about that?

Angry. Not sure why that's the one word answer, but that's how I feel. It should not be THAT hard for me to find 1 hour a day to write, and I know from experience that when I write this way I am much more calm and focused on my writing. I'm angry that I didn't make more time...and yet, this was a really tough year in a lot of ways and I did complete two novels and make good progress on another one. The result, therefore, was still good, but I would have liked a better process.

So, what's in store for 2011:

1--Love my body. Though I gained weight this year, and I'm not thrilled about that, I had several experiences this year that made me realize how unappreciative I am for the body I have. Both in regard to health and appearance, I am blessed and have not been kind to myself about that. This year, I'm not going to focus on weight, but instead am going to work on my fitness and my feelings toward the body I have, which is a gift from my Father in Heaven and deserves to be treated as such.

2--Run a 1/2 marathon in 2:10. That would be 12 minutes off my time, which would be almost a minute per mile faster than I did the one this year.

3--Complete 3 novels. I'm almost half way in one, another is started and another is only a pipe dream, but I want to finish them all by the end of the year.

4--52 Thank you cards. I often have the thought to send a thank you card to people, I have lots of thoughts, but I don't send many because the process to do so takes more time than I can find. I've recently started using an online greeting card company that sends real cards and it makes it so easy that I can take that thought and make it into an action without too much trouble. I have so many wonderful people in my life that I'm excited to do a better job at showing them. One thank you card a week shouldn't be that hard to do. (I also learned that Melanie Jacobsen is working on a book with this title, which is super awesome.)

5--Keep a better house. I've really let myself and my family fall into bad habits of not cleaning up after ourselves but I have pushed it to the back burner because it's not the most important thing I've needed to deal with. However, I feel better when my house is picked up and I feel that I have the ability and the commitment to do better this year.

6--Develop and follow a menu plan. I need to organize my dinner plans and have things on hand so I can make meals without having to take a trip to the store.

7--Expand and keep up on my freelance work. I have been able to develop my writing abilities through freelance work in the past, and I really enjoy it--both the challenge and the security of knowing I can write in a variety of ways. I didn't do much in 2010 and want to keep it fresh this year. I'd like to submit 4 articles in 2011 and keep my eyes open for other opportunities.

I think that will do it--if I can make progress on all of these things, I will consider 2011 a success!

A Salute to Orthadontia

Orthodontics Phase I:
Age: 5 years
Concern: Severe cross bite and narrow upper jaw creating a 'duck bill' protrution of her front teeth.
Plan: Series of permanent appliances and removable retainers that will widen the upper jaw and help correct the cross bite in hopes of avoiding jaw surgery later on.
Cost: $1800.00

Orthodontics Phase II:
Age: 7 years
Concern: Continued cross bite but, also, widening the upper jaw has created spacing that needs to be addressed in order for perminent teeth to come in properly.
Plan: Braces on top teeth, continued permanent appliance in upper jaw.
Cost: $2200.00


Orthodontics Phase III:
Age: 9 years
Concerns: While the upper jaw has shown significant improvement and most spacing issues are resolved, potential surgery is still probable. Spacing also needs to be retained until all perminant teeth are in place. Perminant teeth that have grown in so far are HUGE, needing more space than previously expected.
Plan: A new series of perminent retainers that will hold the spacing in place while perminent teeth come in and continue widening the jaw to allow room for the teeth.
Cost: $1600.00

Orthodontics Phase IV:
Age: 13 years
Concerns: Perminent teeth are in and jaw has widened nicely, but teeth are not straight and alignment between top and bottom teeth is not matching up. Surgery is still a possibility.
Plan: Full braces on top and bottom teeth with continual rubber band placements that will hopefully forgo surgery to expand upper jaw with plates, screws and implants.
Cost: $4,000.00

But results like this...

Priceless!

Check out the Cover for Blackberry Crumble

Shauna Gibby at Deseret Book never ceases to amaze me. She's come up with yet another fabulous cover and I couldn't wait to share it! Blackberry Crumble will hit stores in March of 2011.

“Modern Miss Marple: A Magnet for Murder?”

by Jane Seeley, feature reporter, The Denver Post

Local “celebrity” Sadie Hoffmiller has been involved in a number of unfortunate situations that have taken her to crime scenes from London, England, to Miami, Florida, and even in her own backyard of Garrison, Colorado. But is she truly an unwitting bystander in all these investigations? Or is she something more? Is she, perhaps, even the cause . . . ?
***

The word is out about Sadie Hoffmiller’s amateur detective work, but it’s not the kind of publicity Sadie wants. When Jane’s article threatens Sadie’s reputation in the community, she accepts her first investigation-for-hire and travels to Portland, Oregon—if only to give herself some space from her whispering neighbors. And from Pete, who's sending her mixed signals about their budding relationship.
Sadie hopes the Portland air will clear her head, and she is eager to get to work for May Sanderson, who has suspicions about her father’s untimely death. Putting her detective skills to the test, Sadie delves into a complicated past that includes a business partnership that didn’t end well, several unsavory family secrets, and more than a few motives for murder.
Sadie is afraid she might crumble under the pressure, but in a new place with new recipes, she finds herself more determined than ever to uncover the answers buried in scandal, insatiable appetites, and pure and simple greed.

Thou Shalt Not Procrastinate the Cleaning of your Raingutters

It rained on Saturday.  A lot. I came home from running errands and noticed the rain was running over the edge of the gutters on the front of the house. I came in, and told Lee we should clean those out soon. He agreed, then we both agreed on how bad we hated cleaning out the rain gutters. The day continued, the rain continued off and on, the rain gutter issue was forgotten.

Until Sunday night.

Or Monday morning, if you want to be picky. 12:40 Monday morning, to be exact. Yes, we were asleep at the time. Our 14 year old came bursting into our room to tell us that her room was flooding. We grabbed our robes and dashed downstairs to find a rather pretty waterfall cascading from the base of her window. Behind the glass was abut 8 inches of not so pretty water quickly building up in the window well. We got dressed in record time and Lee took to the gutters to try and clean out the clog that was sending the water over the side of the gutter and into the window well. By default of not wanting to stand on a ladder in the middle of the night in the rain, I was given the job of bailing the window well out.

I honestly can't quite find another life experience equal to jumping into a foot of water in the middle of the night with buckets of water raining down on you from above. It was a full three minutes before I could breath without gasping with shock each time I exhaled--by that time things started to numb. But they never numbed entirely. While I was hoisting buckets of water out of the window well, Lee was gasping from above me where he had to take the downspout off of the gutter, which meant all the water, leaves, and dead bugs came directly into his face, but it diverted the water from the window well. He tried to knock out the clog while the water assaulted him, and then had to put the downspout and gutter back together. Meanwhile, inside, my sister Cindy was shop-vacing the water while Madison used towels to try and soak up even more.

It was about 15 minutes before the window well was empty--then Lee and I sloshed around the house in our now 20 pound Levi's, finding two more downspouts clogged. The window wells closest to them weren't filled to the glass yet, but we're on their way. within about 25 minutes, we were done with the ominous task and came inside, soaking wet and shaking from the cold. The hot shower helped. The hot cocoa helped even more, but I didn't sleep well because I couldn't seem to get warm.

It was an adventure, to say the least, but as I've reflected back on it I found several "tender mercies" that may have made all the difference between an adventure and a disaster:

• Lee's been working nights for months, but he wasn't working Monday night.
• Of all our children, Madison is our lightest sleeper. Had it been one of the other kids, they likely wouldn't have heard the water for quite some time, if at all.
• We had been painting Madi's room earlier in the week and she'd only been sleeping in there for the last few nights. Had she not been sleeping in her room, it would have gone on all night or until it broke the window, and we'd have likely had two other rooms flood because we didn't remedy those other clogs.
• When Madi moved back into her room, she put her bed on the far side of the room instead of under the window where it used to be. Had it been under the window, it would have soaked up the water which would have been difficult, if not impossible, to get out of the mattress.
• My sister, Cindy, has been staying with us and was able to help clean up.
• While it was raining and cold, it wasn't as cold as it could have been in late October.
• Cindy had been using the shop-vac at her new apartment, but brought it back that evening after having had it there for several days.
• Cindy knew how to use the shop vac.

Beyond all that, the fact remains, that had we cleaned out the gutters as we were supposed to (we haven't cleaned them out for two years) or even when I'd thought about doing it, this wouldn't have happened in the first place. We can all say, now, however that we have officially learned that cleaning out rain gutters on a Saturday afternoon is a far better experience than cleaning them out in a rainstorm at night in late October.

Funny how life teaches you things like that.

The Whitney Award Rules Change

**Please feel free to post this on your blog AND be sure to nominate your favorite books by LDS Authors published in 2010!

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15

A major change has come to the Whitney Awards! By unanimous vote, the Whitney Committee has elected to allow nominees to win in any category for which they are nominated. The previous rule, which allowed books to win in only one category, gave the second place finisher in genre categories the top prize if the first place novel won an overall award.   

For example, if Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford had the strength to win top honors in multiple categories, such as Best Novel, Best Novel by a New Author, and Best Genre Novel, it would be allowed to take the prize for all three rather than allowing the award in lesser categories go to the second or even third place winner in that category. This new award system provides greater recognition for truly outstanding books that merit such.

“Originally, we wanted to give as many great LDS authors a chance to win as possible,” said Whitney committee member Crystal Liechty. “But we feel like we’ve had enough exposure at this point so that there’s no need to prevent a book from sweeping every category it’s in if that’s what the voters want.”

The Whitneys are an awards program for novels by LDS authors. Elder Orson F. Whitney, an early apostle in the LDS church, prophesied “We will yet have Miltons and Shakespeares of our own.” Since we have that as our goal, we feel that we should also honor those authors who excel and continually raise the bar.       

"Allowing novels to win multiple categories follows the precedence of other nationally recognized award programs, such as The Academy Awards,” said Josi Kilpack, Whitney Awards President. “We’re excited about this change and the continuing excellence in writing that The Whitney Awards both supports and cultivates.”

The Whitney Awards honor novels in the following categories: General Fiction, Romance, Suspense/Mystery, Speculative Fiction, Youth Fiction, Historical, Best Novel of the Year, and Best Novel by a New Author. Novels can be nominated by any reader (via this website or by mail), and nominees are voted on by an academy of industry professionals, including authors, publishers, bookstore owners, distributors, critics, and others. For more information on the Whitney Awards or to nominate a book, visit www.WhitneyAwards.com.

Review Contest Winners!

Wow, you guys, thank you SO much for the amazing reviews! A total of 59 reviews or mentions went out as part of this contest, and I just can't thank you enough. Word of mouth is the most trusted form of advertising, especially in a day and age where advertising is everywhere. Thank you for sharing those words in a variety of mediums.

So, this post has two parts--part 1 is where I list who won the contest! I put each persons name into random.org according to how many points they had. So, Stephanie S. had 18 entries, Alice had 10, etc. I then ran the list one time to mix it all up, and then ran it four more times. I did made the executive decision to not let anyone win more than once, which was lucky for three of the winners since Jordan McCollum had a very, very lucky day :-)

Part 2 is where I will answer some of the questions posed in the comments. If you already know everything about me (Heather B) or are just tired of hearing from me you don't have to read that part.

Thanks to EVERYONE who played, honestly, I could never do what you guys can do and I appreciate your help very much.

And here we go...

Part 1--Winners.

*If you are a winner, please e-mail me at kilpack@gmail.com with your mailing address. If you won books, I also need to know who you want them signed to!

Chocolate Cook Book:     Jordan McCollum

Key Lime Pie and Sunkist Fruit Chews:       Stephanie Skidmore

Key Lime Pie:      Karlene Browning

Lincoln Wheat Ear Pennies:       Alice

Congrats, Ladies, I hope you all enjoy the prizes very much, especially Alice :-)



Part 2:

Martha--When it comes to books like Gone With the Wind, shelving it and watching the movie is perfectly acceptable. Same with any Star Wars or Jurassic Park book, or anything by the Bronte Sisters. That's why we have those movies, to save us the agony of the words :-)  (Okay, that's not true for everyone--Jane Eyre is probably someone's favorite book but, honestly, I can't do it and as long as I don't read the book I'll never know if the movie was worse :-) Oh, and I LOVE my Prius and am tickled you thought of me when you saw those super-smart old people pull up :-)


Mable--As of right now there are 8 books planned for the series. Blackberry Crumble (Portland) will be book 5, to be followed by Pumpkin Roll (Boston), Banana Split (Hawaii), and then Wedding Cake (Garrison...probably) to finish it up. After the books are done (they are scheduled to finish up in Fall 2012) we'll be putting together Sadie's Little Black Recipe Book with all the recipes from all the books.

Wendy--No one else's opinion matters :-) So glad you're enjoying the books, thanks for spreading the word!

Don--I did enter you for having done your blog contest (shhhh, don't tell anyone)

Heather B--I did give you all those points--well earned! The most awesome part of me is the awesome people I can count as friends. Thanks.

Pam--I'm so glad you like Sadie, who's your friend who said she was obnoxious, I'll egg their house! Kidding, of course, I know Sadie isn't everyone's favorite character but I'm always glad to hear
when someone likes her enough to see what she's gotten herself into this time. As to To Have or To Hold, that's one of my favorite stories. I had challenged myself to use a rather timeless plot structure from Regency romances (marriage of convenience) and make it modern. I was a bit surprised when it morphed into Andrew's story the way it did, even more surprised to have written a conversion story (which I had sworn I would never do) but I loved the end result and am so glad you did too. Keep up the writing and submitting and analyzation of this market--it's worth it, I swear.

Barbara--Is everything okay? Being out of commission is a big deal, I hope you're okay. Key Lime Pie should be on shelf at all LDS bookstores, as well as most online stores. I hope you can track down a copy.

Brittany--I certainly don't mind having you write them down. In the future, I do have the recipes on a PDF you can download from my website www.josiskilpack.com--I think I need to post something about it in my sidebar, I feel horribly guilty when I hear people have risked hand cramps to transcribe but I'm definitely flattered to hear it!

Kim--thank you for being my token Canadian! It's important to be diverse and you feel that for me :-) And Sadie things you're pretty amazing too.

I NEED REVIEWS! a blog contest

It's that time again, the time of year when Josi begs and pleads for happy words about her books to infiltrate the literary worlds and woo fair readers into hypnotic credit-card-swiping moods of grand effusement and joy.

What? Effusement isn't a word says my spell check. Then a pox; a pox on such dictionaries that don't recognize such feedudulement of vocabularic variousness! (incidentally, vocabularic does seem to be a word.)

Alas, I do not simply beg for help without the understanding of reciprocation and therefore the current contest is thus:

• Contest runs from 8/31/10-9/7/10
• Points are only awarded for nice things said during the dates noted above
• For each point you earn, you get entered in to what will be a random drawing done on www.random.org. Hence, if you have 509 points, your name is entered 509 times and you can egg my house if you don't win. 

*Points are earned in the following ways:

• Mention me or any of my books in a positive way in your facebook status
• Mention me or any of my books in a positive way in your twitter update
• Retweet someone else's positive mention in their twitter update
• Blog about me or any of my books in a positive way (you can copy and paste this blog contest post if you would like)
• Leave an online review on any of the following sites for any of my books (you can use the same review on multiple sites)

www.amazon.com
www.deseretbook.com
www.barnesandnoble.com
www.seagullbookandtape.com
www.goodreads.com
www.shelfari.com

Once you have earned your points, come back here and leave a comment on this blog with how many points you earned and a brief description of how you earned them. (remember where liars go if you are tempted to exaggerate). You will be subsequently entered into the contest once for each point earned.

Prizes are as follows:

Grand Prize: An autographed copy of Annette Lyon's Chocolate Cookbook (will be sent when the book is released in October 2010)
Second Prize: An autographed copy of any one of my books AND a bag of Sunkist Fruit Chews because they are so yummy and don't melt like Pretzel M & M's which I don't dare send in the mail.
Third Prize: An autographed copy of any one of my books.
Fourth Place: THIS because I think the world is a better place when everyone who wants a collection of wheat ear pennies has that opportunity.

Keep in mind I can send prizes to someone else in case there is someone you really need to kiss up to right now :-) Christmas is coming, whose naughty list are you on?

PS--you get double points for any reviews left for Key Lime Pie :-)

Coming Soon--Key Lime Pie!!

Here's a sneak peek of Key Lime Pie:
 

When Sadie Hoffmiller's new friend, Eric Burton, receives word that his missing daughter's body may have been found in Florida, he immediately packs his bags. Sadie is determined to stay home and prove to everyone that she is not a busybody. But when she senses Eric is hiding something, Sadie is compelled to take action. Before she knows it, she's in the heart of Miami, trying to piece together a trail that might just give Eric the answers he's so desperately searching for. In the process, Sadie finds herself in the company of some colorful characters and some good ol' southern cooking. But despite the drama and intrigue, all Sadie really wants is to go home ... as soon as she does just one more thing.

Includes eight new mouthwatering recipes, tested and approved by the official bakers of Sadie's Test Kitchen.

You can read the first two chapters at www.josiskilpack.com  www.josiskilpack.com

Available for pre-order from Deseret Book http://deseretbook.com/item/5044691/Key_Lime_Pie online 

Stay tuned for info about the launch party!

36 Years of Wisdom...Sorta

Tomorrow I turn thirty-six years old. Wow. I could be termed in my 'late thirties' although I'll hang out in the mid-thirties for another couple of years.  I think I've stated before that I don't mind aging. I mean, I don't like to LOOK old, but I'm happy with how I look so that isn't an issue and I still feel like I'm catching up with myself due to the fact that I have simply always felt old. The whole process is helped by the fact that there is no one time in my life I can look back on and say "Gosh, I wish I were able to do that again." Maybe a day here and there, but I can't think of a single block of time (meaning months) that I want to repeat. However, I'm a firm believer in age equating with wisdom and therefore I get smarter every year! And, seeing as how I am so very wise I am going to impart 36 of my best advice:

1--Do not leave laundry in the washer for a week.
2--Peanut Butter should have child proof lids.
3--I will always hate my hair no matter how good I think it looks that particular day.
4--You can learn from your mistakes or make them again--you choose.
5--Most talents are discovered after the age of 20.
6--Everyone has demons.
7--Some people's demons hate you.
8--People with demons who hate you are better avoided.
9--Prayer is your opportunity to try to help people with demons who hate you and are better avoided.
10--My demons hate some people and have caused them lots of pain.
11--Sometimes it feels impossible to make things better.
12--Prayer is good.
13--Cheesecake is also good.
14--Prayer and cheesecake together is practically celestial.
15--Philosophies are much easier to think about then to execute.
16--Most of my philosopies rise up to bite me in the butt.
17--Some people just are not happy for other people's success.
18--Kids really do come with their own personalities.
19--Sometimes complaining about something really does make you feel better.
20--There is no sin in leaving the kids home when you go on couple vacations.
21--The future is far more interesting than the past.
22--Family is awesome, but just because they are family doesn't mean that their demons don't hate you.
23--It is possible to love someone and yet want nothing to do with them. Healthy sometimes even.
24--Time really does move faster as you get older.
25--Metabolisms really do slow down as you get older.
26--Typically it's easier to remember the stupid things you do than the cool stuff.
27--Didactic ponification is of the gods.
28--For every person who's impressed when you use big words there's someone else rolling their eyes.
29--Forgiveness doesn't really make sense until someone forgives you when they didn't have to.
30--Looking for ways to deal with your own demons is a worthy pursuit that might take a lifetime.
31--Parenthood is a priceless look into the heart of God.
32--There will always be someone smarter, prettier, funnier, more talented, and more generous than you.
33--Just because someone else might be better, doesn't mean that YOU won't be a better self for working toward the same goal.
34--Nothing feels as good as being kind.
35--It's fun to be a girl.
36--Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people but good things also happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people and there really isn't anyone out to get us, just trying to teach us a thing or twelve.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes, it's been a long, somewhat dreadful, insecure, whirlwind, and yet essentially good year. :-)

Things Mom Would Never Say

"How on earth can you see the TV from way back there?"

"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot too."

"Just leave all the lights on, it makes the house look more cheery!"

"Let me smell that shirt...yeah, it's good for another week."

"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey, I'll be glad to feed and walk him everyday."

"Well, if timmy's mom says it's okay that's good enough for me."

"the curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm trying to run a prison or something."

"I don't have a tissue, just use your sleeve."

"Don't bother wearing a jacket, the wind chill is bound to improve."


And, last but not least (and the only one I can take credit for.)

"Anything you want honey, I only care about your instant gratification."

Happy Mother's day, I hope it was a good one.

Review: Women of the Book of Mormon by Heather Moore

I remember, years ago, realizing that only three women were mentioned by name in the Book of Mormon. Sariah, Abish, and Isabelle. One is the wife of a prophet, one is a servant, and the third is a hooker. All these amazing stories are told, but it seemed that women played such a small role in those events. My semi-feminist heart took exception to this because part of my journey on this earth has been a continual quest for proof that I mattered. It is a testimony to my belief that I do matter when I see that other women did too. It's why I love the story of Esther and Ruth and Naomi from the Old Testiment--they mattered enough to have their stories told and continue to be my favorite stories. I want to be inspired by strong women, I want to see myself in them, and I need that reminder that having trials does not mean I've done something wrong.

A few years ago I came to what was, for me, a rather amazing discovery in regard to the righteousness=ease debate that always takes place in my mind. I can only hope others of you have had the same battle play out "But I read my scriptures every day this week and a kid still pooped in the tub?" or "I paid my tithing, how can I be out of money?" but I realized that the GREAT people from the scriptures didn't have it easy. The great women were no exception.

Mary, the mother of Christ, was labeled an adulteress, her life spared by her betrothed who married her despite the fact that she was pregnant months before the wedding. She fled to Egypt when her young son's life was threatened, then back again when things were safe. She was married to a carpenter and lived a simple life. She lost God's son during Passover for three days and 20 years later watched her oldest child, the son of God, tortured to death. Ruth was widowed as a young woman living in a foreign land. She had learned too much about her husband's culture and religion to find peace with her own people and lived in poverty, caring for her mother in law, until she married Boaz. Esther was one wife of many to a king who nearly destroyed her people. The wife of Nephi watched her husband be beaten, bound, and nearly killed by his brother's more than once. She bore children in the desert even though she'd been raised with ease. Once they finally arrived in the Promised land, they had to flee in the night and find somewhere else. Yet, these women could be called 'choice'. They had huge responsibility, often times the responsibility of nations and generations, placed upon their shoulders and within their wombs--it was a hard journey. Their righteousness did not equal ease, so why do I assume mine should?

I came to this realization, but it still bothered me that their stories were usually sidelines. I want to know them because I am one of them--a woman with great responsibility. I want to see how they succeeded and learn from them. But how do I do that when their stories are not available except in snippets?

Thus enter Heather Moore's book, Women of the Book of Mormon. As I said there are only three women mentioned by name who lived during the course of time covered by the Book of Mormon. However, there are other women mentioned--like Eve and Mary--and others referenced, like the Daughter of Jared. Heather found them all, and then she hunted for details. The result is a beautifully written account of their stories, put into context with the cultures they lived within. Heather has combed articles and other books, then compiled the information in a format that is easy to read and focuses on those elements that helps me know these women better than I ever have. When I heard about the book I was excited at the prospect, when I read it I was humbled by many things. Chief among them was the realization that these women were a product of their culture just like I am. They did not live in my time, therefore they had far less by way of rights and opportunity. This was huge to me because it wasn't that the prophets were ignoring them when they wrote the scriptures, it was that they were bound by the time in which they lived. I guess you could say that none of them, men or women, knew any better. But these women were important, which is why there is any mention of them at all. Heather brings them to life, puts meat on the bones of who they were and how they lived. After gaining an understanding of their cultures, I went from wondering why so little was written to realizing how much was written. We have whole sermons that we don't read in the Book of Mormon, but Mormon took the time to tell us of Sariah's heart ache and of the brother of Jared's daughters treachery. Now, Heather Moore has taken the time to tell us the rest of their stories.

In the process of reading this book I was edified by my role in the lives of my family. A lot of what I do is background and foundational--but it matters. Both for their growth and mine. I can't wait until I need to give a lesson where I can pull this information from her book. I can't wait until my daughters ask why there is so little mention of women in the Book of Mormon. This book is a powerful witness to the fact that life is hard for everyone--that is how we become strong, it is how we learn to carry the yoke of being a daughter of God.

You can find this book wherever LDS books are sold, specifically at DESERET BOOK ONLINE. Also, Heather will be signing with me at the South Jordan Seagull (11573 So. Main District Drive, South Jordan) tomorrow, May 8th--just in time for Mother's day :-)

The Hug Factor

In the early months of marriage I came back from grocery shopping and brought all the grocery bags into the kitchen and commenced to put them away in the appropriate cupboards. About 3 bags into this, Lee came in and started helping me. He put the cereal on top of the fridge, put the vanilla in the cup cupboard, cheese in the vegetable drawer, and found a spot between the canned corn and beans for a bag of chocolate chips. I stopped him and showed him how we had a baking cupboard for baking items, a deli drawer for cheese, and a whole cabinet for cereal. He nodded and then commenced to put the mustard on the shelf (not the door) of the fridge and the powdered sugar on top of the fridge where the cereal had been moments earlier. This was my KITCHEN, MY space, with all of MY things and I went just a little psycho wife. I told him to stop helping me, that he was messing it all up and that I would rather do it myself than spend ten minutes trying to find my paprika when I next made deviled eggs. He put up his hands in surrender and said "Fine, I won't help."

At the time I thanked him for this since I didn't want his help. Well, fast forward 17 years and four kids--unloading groceries is MY job. I now get 18 bags minimum when I go grocery shopping. Like many things that started out organized, putting stuff away is now a dash to the finish because I'm usually late for something. A few years ago as I'm 20 minutes into unloading groceries while Lee is on the couch I asked him to help me. He eyed me carefully. "You WANT me to help put away groceries? Are you sure?"

And thus here I am facing another lesson of stating ones opinions too strongly, without having adequate basis for having formed that opinion. Which brings me to hugs.

I will attempt to say the rest of this as non-creepy as possible. It won't be easy.

A couple years ago there was a debate on LDStorymakers about hugs. I don't remember who brought it up or why but I pulled out my soap box and stated my opinion loudly and with fervor. I didn't like hugs. I didn't like feeling obligated to have such a physical exchange. It made me uncomfortable, I worried there was a sexual connotation to it with certain men, and seemed insincere when everyone just hugs everyone for any reason. I waited for people to line up behind me agreeing with my stance "non-huggers unite!" A few people admitted that they could take hugs or leave them, others said some people overdid it, but none of them were as anti-hug as I was. I've no doubt I came across as rather neurotic and it got me wondering about that very thing. What was so difficult about a  hug? Why was it hard for me?

Ah, the romantic notion of going back in time and burning that soap box.

Following this debate some people from LDStorymakers no longer hugged me when we got together--well, except Julie Wright because she didn't buy my defense. There were a few times when every other person is hugging and I'm shaking hands. They weren't being mean, and I knew this, they were simply respecting my loudy-stated wishes. But it felt weird. I hadn't realized certain benefits of hugging until I was getting less and less of it. The most awkward moment was after I'd been with someone, maybe for lunch and we're saying goodbye. It becomes a weight shifting "Well, okay, I'll see you later." That just feels weird. There were times I was REALLY glad to see someone, or REALLY grateful for something hey did and found myself unsure of how to show that. I missed the power of a hug and didn't know how to get it any other way. And it made me look at myself in regard to all kinds of affection which takes us to some deep seated emotional issues I'll keep off the blog :-)

Anyway, I stood by my pronouncement, and I hugged people but didn't seek it out and wondered if I was really screwed up. Then, last fall, Julie Wright and I went on the book tour. Now, if you've spent any time with Julie you know she is a bundle of energy and just makes people feel good. I've had the chance to spend lots of time with Julie over the last several years, but never this much time all at once. From the get-go I was well aware of my hug issues. People go out of their way to come to signings, do I hug them? Have they heard I don't hug? Will they be offended if I don't hug them? If I do hug them will they assume I'm being insincere? There were people I hugged automatically, without thinking about it at all, but someone else would have me wondering what I should do. Julie, of course, had none of these thoughts. She hugged everyone. I had a moment or two in the beginning of thinking, what if people don't like being hugged? She's forcing them to hug against their wishes!

But guess what. I didn't see one person flinch, pull away, or seem the least bit ill at ease. And Julie hugged hundreds people on that tour. Instead of flinching and teeth gritting, I saw people literally melt when Julie embraced them. At least two women literally held on to her and it made me wonder when the last time was that someone had hugged them. After she greeted people this way, things were different. Pretenses dropped, we heard people's stories, they opened up about who they were, what they struggled with, and they bought Julie's books like crazy. To summarize it, I saw all these people connect to her. I hugged too, but it was watching Julie and the people she embraced that changed something in the way I viewed a good ol' hug. There was power in it and because Julie sincerely cared about these people, the hugs weren't weird, no one was uncomfortable and good things happened. Was my problem that I didn't care about people? No. Was I being arrogant or germ-o-phobic? No, I just didn't know how to do it very well. So, I started practicing and hugging in the right situation. Instead of telling myself my personal space was being invaded I just enjoyed the closeness (I know, quickly descending into creepy. I'm done)

At the LDStorymakers conference last week L.T. Elliot came up to me--for the record, she is one of the best huggers around, you know she's absolutely sincere in her regard and I swear she transfers energy through some cosmic force. She said "I know you're not a hugger, but..." And I felt so embarrassed. Not because she'd said it, but because I had told the world that I didn't want or need such basic affection. I made her give me a hug and told her I was converted. She laughed and said she was glad and she went on her way. The thing is, I don't remember telling her I wasn't a hugger. I don't know where she got it. Granted, I might have told her, but what if I didn't and it was just one of those things that spread. It could be a conspiracy that's might be all my fault!

So, now I find myself in a very weird position. I told people I didn't like hugs, I avoided them, and now I find that, like Julie said, people need to be touched in ways like that. People like me need it, even if we felt sure we didn't. And yet, hugging still doesn't come naturally for me. I way overthink it, worry that people won't want me to hug them, worry that they know I've stated my dislike and therefore won't know how to accept it from me. Will they think I'm faking it? Will they they pull away? After people read this I'll worry that they think I hug them so that they'll buy my books.

But either way, here I am, raw with confession, squirmy in my seat for both having stated my original opinions and now going back on them. I don't think I'll ever be Julie, but I'm growing in this one part of my life, I guess. And growth is uncomfortable sometimes.

2010 LDStorymakers Conference my POV

It's Tuesday already? So not fair. Honestly I could have done another two days easy. So, here is my recap--I ask in advance that you forgive me for not linking--it takes too long and I've already spent a couple hours at work catching up with the e-mail that piled up (disclaimer: I don't get paid and I'm sleeping with my boss so I can take such liberties. I do not recommend that you take advantage of your employer in this way--or that you sleep with him for privileges unless you are legally and lawfully married to him/her.)

Before leaving home I set up a treasure hunt for Breanna (also called Jeanie on this blog, but since she's on facebook and linked to me I decided the pseudonym wasn't necessary any more) It was her 16th birthday that day and although we celebrated the night before and she was okay with my not being there, I felt aweful and thus the treasure hunt made me feel much better about myself. That's what it's all about, right? After setting it up I headed to Salt Lake where I picked up a case of books and headed to the airport. I picked up Nephele Tempest (prounounced Neffalee--not that I said it right all weekend, grrr) and we spent the next few hours touring Salt Lake. We went to Saltaire marina (thank you Wikipedia for teaching me all about Saltaire so I could sound like I knew my landmarks) and then we went to lunch with Lisa Mangum at The Garden and had deep fried pickles. Not bad. After that we toured Temple Square, then headed for Provo.

After getting early check-in (thank you Marriott!) I ran some errands, got checked into the hotel, helped put together syllabus binders and then went to dinner with Nephele Tempest (agent Knight agency), Laura Rennert (agent Andrea Brown), Krista Marino (editor Delacort), Annette Lyon, Heather Moore, Julie Wright (three of my favorite people in the world), Marion Jensen, Jeff Savage, and James Dashner. We went to Tucanos--a low-carb girls dream restaurant! and had a great time getting to know one another. After that it was back to the hotel, chat time with Heather and Annette who were my roomies for the evening and to bed.

Friday started at 5:30 since I helped with registration and then bootcamp. My bootcamp table was the bomb! Jewel Allen, Melanie Jacobsen and Kim Coats were gals I knew before--Sadie Starling was new to me, but fit right in. What wonderful women and wonderful writers. We weren't able to find Sadie for the picture but she is there in spirit I'm sure. :-) After bootcamp the conference began. I was the chairperson for the agents and editors so I stressed about that, taught a class on Book Launch parties and thwarted Dan Wells and Howard Taylor's attempts to hijack me--phew--after that I manned 'doors' for the pitches, caught part of a class here and there and got to hug lots of people. I had the chance to explain my spiritual philosophy to one very talented writer I deeply admire--she knows who she is--and it put me in a reflective mood that I needed, perhaps more than she did. Thank you for that, we all need those reminders and I was grateful for the chance to reflect on my own beliefs of why I do what I do.

Friday night was full of great conversation and camaraderie and just added to the high I'd been on all day. I worried I wouldn't sleep well that night, but I slept like a rock--apparently 14 hours straight of high energy takes it's toll. The next day was bootcamp again at 7:00 and then more pitches and another class, this one on Characterization where I told a particular story about myself that has been bugging me every since. Sigh. I talk too much. Anyway, I think it went pretty well and when it was over I was back to pitches again. When the pitches finally came to an end I had the chance to sit in on the entire agent/editor panel, which was awesome and the only class I was in for its entirety, and then it was time to break the party up and get ready for the Whitneys.

I had already come to the realization that it was not my year. You think I'm being all noble, but I'm not. I was up against some amazing writers and even though I hadn't read any of my competitors books (on purpose) I know them and their writing and am just glad that no one publishes the ranking so I can PRETEND I came in second :-) Now, let me say I WANTED to win, I really, really did, but I'm also a realist and had thoroughly enjoyed being a finalist amid such fabulous talent. Stephanie Black earned that award and I was perhaps the first one to applaud for her. If you didn't see the Mormon times article on the award gala, you should check it out HERE. The picture of Stephanie is priceless.

The rest of the evening was wonderful. I was at a table with Brandon Mull, Lisa Mangum, Gerald Lund and his wife Lynn, and Chris Schobinger and his wife Jennifer. It was very cool to tell Elder Lund what an impact his books have had on me, specifically The Kingdom and the Crown series to which I attribute 75% of my understanding of the New Testiment. The speeches and acheivement tributes were amazing--reminding me of how powerful words can be and what a gift it is to serve by teaching, both through books and actually teaching skills and craft. I left feeling even more uplifted and validated in the area I've chosen to invest to much of my life within.

I got home around 11:30 that night to find 3 of the 4 kids had waited up for me. They'd made a sign that said "Congratulations, you ALMOST won the Whitney!" It was awesome and so good to be home, hugging my kids, and remembering the OTHER great blessings I have in my life.

All in all it was a wonderful, fabulous weekend. A few other hightlights?

Hugs from Laura Elliot--she gives the best hugs ever and is just such a ray of sunshine in my life.

Luisa Perkins sharing with me her excitement to have had her manuscript requested. I laughed because she was telling me how the book was a dark, dark, dark YA thriller, and I couldn't get past the strand of pearls around her neck and little black dress she was wearing. That's what we call irony :-) But I was touched that she shared that with me--I admire her very much.

Kim Vanderhorst brought me Canadian candybars, which no longer exist. They were DIVINE and I was just so touched to be one of the people she thought of as she got ready to come to the confernece. I feel very out of touch with some of my favorite blog-writer-friends and was glad that she still has warm feelings toward me. And, it was Canadian chocolate, I mean THAT is love.

Shanda, Hillary, and Sheila with the LDS Women's Book Review podcast. They are phenomenal cheerleaders to have on the side of LDS fiction and I just love the opportunity to spend time with them.

Becky Clayson took second place in the First Chapter Contest! Becky has been in my writing group for four years and she's very talented but like many of us wonders if she can  compete. Well, she can--I already knew that--but the judges validated that for her and I about shot out of my chair in excitement when they named her book.

Don Carey--one of Sadie's Test Kitchen Bakers--brought me guava jam! GUAVA! Is that not the coolest? He made it himself and brought it all the way from Texas. He's a class act and I'm glad to know him.

Stephanie Humphries and Margot Hovely also won and I was so very glad to hear their names announced. I'm sure I forgot some others, my apologies.

Rooming with Annette Lyon and Heather Moore is, as always, an absolute highlight. I just love those women so much and feel like I just soak up confidence and elegance by being in their presence.

I'm sure I'm missing many things and many people, forgive me, but know that I"ll remember later and feel like crap for forgetting in the first place so justice will be served. I'm already counting the days until next years conference and hope that if you didn't make it to this years, you'll be able to attend in 2011. It's worth the juggling it takes to get there, I swear it is.