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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Mastering of the English Language

There is a point in all human development when we find the perfect word or phrase that so perfectly describes a moment we are experiencing that it is worth the preservation of said moment in blog land:

Example #1:

(Setting: 6 year old daughter, a week after starting first grade, i.e. all day school (insert angelic hallelujah chorus as all of you look at mother of this child with envy she very much deserves) Now, back to the child upon which this example is based)

Child: "I hate first grade."
Mom: "No you don't, you love it." (how could she not love it when I absolutely adore it?)
Child: (shaking head emphatically) "No, I hate it. It's a piece of poo."

Example #2:

(Setting: same 6 year old daughter, a month after starting first grade)

Child: "I hate homework. Can I throw it away?"

And then there are times when the words just come out wrong:

Example #1:

(Setting: Kilpack family is trying to leave a party held at a park for a friend who is leaving on a mission. Kilpack-boy-child is hanging on a fence despite still being in his sunday clothes. Parents have tried unseccessfully to lure him to the car, but since he has recently devoured several pounds of desserts, we have very little to bargain with. Mother Kilpack (that's me) is making polite goodbyes while Father Kilpack (that's my dearly beloved) is trying not to spank kilpack-boy-child in public.)

Lee: "Let's go now." (insert menacing dip in voice frequency on the last word, clear signal that dad is on the brink.)
Boy-child: "Just a sec."
Lee: "No more secs!" (said in loud clear tones. You might need to say this one out loud in order to experience the true beauty of the moment and understand the hush that fell over the crowd.)

I hope you have all enjoyed this particular lesson on how to, and how not to, use the words we have been given. Choose wisely.


melissa c said...

I have a six year old too who does not love school.

She really struggles sometimes. My older son who is now 9 also had a really hard time with first grade.

Maybe it's not our kids. Maybe it's just first grade. Hmmm. food for thought.

Karlene said...

Oh, that's hilarious! And I did have to say it outloud to get the joke.

Queen of Chaos said...

You always crack me up!

BTW- I love your new blog look. :)

Anonymous said...

why is it that you never realize things like that until they fall out of your mouth with no hope of ever being caught??

Yeah, I have a few reasons to sympathise. No, I'm not willing to share them worldwide!

alisha said...

ROFL. I keep chuckling every time I think about it. :)

Sandra said...

This is me sniggering over here.

Kimberly said...

Bwahahahahah! Oh, I can just imagine the looks on everyone's faces!

Jenna Consolo said...

Good one! I've had a few of those myself.

melissa c said...

Hey girl, I was just reacquainted with an old high school friend, who actually,I couldn't remember but she told me she LOVES your books. That you are her favorite LDS author!

Just thought I would pass that along! I told her I knew you and she was so excited! he he It was very cute.

David G. Woolley said...


It was great to meet you today at your book signing. You are, as I suspected, both gracious and funny. Hope you had a wonderful afternoon. Here's to your great story telling and sense for adventure.

And tell your boy-child he should work for Letterman. He can write some pretty great lead ins...

All the best,

David Woolley

Crystal said...

HA! Gotta love your little girl--and Daddy as well, you made my day!

Carole Thayne said...

I have to say it took me a second of saying secs to get the punch line and now I can't STOP laughing. I love you for sharing this priceless story and for a bunch of other reasons too.

Julie Wright said...

HAHAAAAA! I am with Karlene in that I had to say it loud to get it. HILARIOUS!!!

Kristi said...

This is just priceless!!

ali said...

ROFL. Oh my. F-U-N-N-Y!!!