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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Mom Jeans

I have clothing issues every day of my life. Things are constantly too tight or too loose or too short or too long or too plain or too busy or too complicated or too low or or too whatever. This is why you can usually find me in my scrub bottoms that I've owned for over 15 years and a sweatshirt. I swore when I got married that I would not turn into the sweat-pants-mom, and I suppose I haven't, I'm just the scrubs-and-a-sweatshirt mom. It really annoys me because I want to be the cute mom but results show that I go for comfy more than cute.

My current dilemma is Jeans. Back in the good old days, Jeans came to my actual waist, I didn't have an extra ten pounds on my derriere (that's french for butt) and I had no problem feeling both cute and comfy in a pair of jeans.

That, however, has faded. Now a days I feel neither cute or comfy and I am tired--tired of constantly pulling my shirts down, tired of not being able to bend over, tired of sitting on the floor only to realize I'm preaching my religion by showing off my garments to the whole world. And, for short waisted people like myself, low-rise jeans hit at the wrong spot--they are too high to rest on my hips which leaves a gap in the waistband, and when you sit they catch on those hips they can't rest on and puuuuuuull. I actually went almost a year without wearing jeans at all because I had . . . issues which I truly believe were brought on by the crotch on these dang-fungled jeans. In addition, my thirties has brought with it what I affectionately call my 'gob' which is a roll of 'love' located below my belly botton, but inevitably ABOVE the waistband of my pants, often catching the shirt I've chosen to wear that is long enough to overlap the pants so long as I don't sit, bend, or reach.

I've been watching too much What Not to Wear and they constantly point out that a wider leg jean slims the leg and hip whereas 'shaped' jeans make the hip and thigh area look bigger . I now see this every time I look in the mirror--they DO make my hips and thighs look wider in addition to the Gob squeezed over the top, and the gap in the waistband, and then there's the line where my garmets disect the gob etc. I need wide leg jeans that come to my waist and fit there. Problem--where the heck to do you find these magical jeans?

Last saturday as a salve to yet another blonde issue (posted later this week) I went to Kohl's. They were having a one day sale and I decided I deserved a new pair of jeans. I really do not like to shop, but I spent forty-five minutes trying on about 30 pair of jeans. Mind you, these were twenty pair of 'women's' jeans. I'd already determined that Misses jeans were not going to work because they are all hippy-low-rise-flair jeans. I instead tried on Gloria Vandervilt, Lee, Levi, and all the other jeans in the Women's section--which did have a benifit in that I wear a smaller size in Womens jeans than in Misses jeans. Out of those thirty pair I found one that was acceptable. It has a hiiiiiigh waist--remember I'm short waisted so while it would hit most women at their waist, for me it comes up to my rib cage, but it held in my gob and I could wear it with more modesty than most of the other pants I own. I liked the leg which is a boot cut--loose with a slight flair, but not super-shaped, and they were comfortable. I could actually imagine wearing them and NOT taking them off as soon as I got home (I rarely wear other jeans at home--only when I'm going out and have to look presentable)

So, yesturday I took Lou-lou to the mall. She suggested that I ought to buy a pair of Jeans, since she was getting a pair. I smiled smugly and said, "No, I just bought these."

She takes a long look at me and her eyes narrow. "Are those Mom Jeans?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, feigning that I don't know what she means.

"Oh my gosh," she says as only a 12 year old. "You did, you're actually wearing mom jeans--those pants that go aaaaaaall the way up and look weird." She shakes her head sadly and let's herself out of the car, leaving me to scrape what's left of my dignity and cuteness into my poor little hands.

So, help me out here, ladies, have you found the solution? If so, share it.

If you wear Mom Jeans and you are offended by this post, I sincerely apologize. That was not my intent.

19 comments:

Luisa Perkins said...

See, I have both a high waist AND a short waist, so I have NEVER been comfortable in jeans, not even back when I weighed 105 pounds. And now, 20 years and 6 kids later? Fuhgeddaboudit. I just don't bother trying.

Mom Jeans, Schmom Jeans. If you like 'em, wear 'em. Your daughter will eat her words in another 20 years, I'm betting.

Heather B. Moore said...

I usually go to someplace like Old Navy and try on jeans for size. Of course they always have the wrong length or the low rise. But you can go on-line and order the same size jean with the right length and with the "classic" rise. I found the perfect pair of jeans, but they were too short in the store. So I went on line and ordered the "long" version.

Stephanie Humphreys said...

I discovered a few years ago that I need to alter just about any pair of pants I buy. Usually, I need to add extra darts at the waist (big hips + small waist). Sometimes I've even lowered the waistband because it sits in the wrong spot. Anyway, sometimes a good seamstress can take a pair of jeans that is almost okay and make them great. (Be sure to ask first, some jean alterations are more trouble than they are worth.)

hi, it's me! melissa c said...

I actually laughed out loud on this one! You sound so much like me it's scary.

There IS no solution. The jeans they make now days are for runway models and childless women!

I have this same dilemma day in and day out! I actually found some cute ones at Walmart that I frequently get comments on but I still have the pooch and the behind and the thighs, depending on which pants I wear.

My problem is that I have a long waist, meaning there is plenty of pooch that never gets covered and if I do wear pants that cover it, then the pouch shifts to just under my boobs.

In fact, once, my four year old actually said, "You have two private places, mom." He pointed the the two on top and the one long one just underneath! Need I say more?

Crystal said...

I really like the jeans at Maurices (do they have one up North?) their brand has every different length & style you can imagine. I love them & I'm picky picky when it comes to jeans. Oh I also like to try on my moms & sisters jeans too. It seems like that's when I find my all time favorites. Then I just beg and plead until I get what I want.

Queenmemory said...

Hey I didn't know there was any difference. Kids wear kids jeans we wear Mom Jeans.
WEAR THEM WITH PRIDE !!!! You earned it.

Kristina P. said...

Jeans are hard! I'm 5'9", so pants for me are difficult in general. All my jeans come from Banana Republic. They are a bit pricier, but they make them in long, and they fit me well.

Annette Lyon said...

My favorite pair of jeans I found at DI. And of course the style isn't made anymore. Plllh.

I have the GOB too, so a *slightly* low rise is good, because I no longer have a WAIST. But it's way too easy to get them too low instead of just off my natural waistline (pretending I have one).

And I say that if your jeans aren't tapered at the bottom or have those icky darts in the front that make your tummy look twice its size, then they aren't Mom Jeans. So there. :)

The Lawn Ranger's Woman said...

Crystal is telling the truth...sisters always have the BEST clothes ;) Try the modbe jeans. They're a little pricey, but worth it.

Brooke said...

I do have a pair of jeans from Maurices, too, and I love them, They fit well (I have a large behind and saddlebags, but not a very big stomach. Usually when I find jeans I can get around my butt, they pooch in the back at the waist line. These don't.) I have also heard that Modbe makes awesome jeans, but I have yet to try them. I have even gone to buckle and couldn't find any. The sales person gave me a pair of jeans and said "this is the kind of jean that a lot of moms buy". Well, they didn't fit, and then I was insulted that I looked like a mom (hee, hee. I can laugh about it now), so I left. I also just buy longer shirts to cover myself when the jeans ride too low. I usually buy mid-rise jeans. Good luck with your search!

Lara said...

The search for the perfect jean. It's impossible. Unless you actually get to go to NYC with Clinton and Stacy.

Like Kristina, my problem is usually my height. I cannot believe how difficult it is to find a pair of jeans that are long enough for me, and fit all my curves. Right now I'm wearing a pair that fit the curves pretty well, but are too short, so I can't wear most of my shoes. Ballet flats only. And even then, the hems are an inch off the floor.

Kimberly said...

I wear mom jeans and long tunic style shirts to try to hide the fact. It's kind of pathetic, really. I just need to stop eating cookies.

Crystal said...

Well, I'm not a mom, but I am short with a gut so I also have issues with jeans. I found a pair at New York and Co that are high, but not too high with boot cut that I really like. I also always had a problem with the gap in the back. My solution to ALL gaps in the back is the Wonder Tee from Down East Basics. I have a ton of these shirts and wear them tucked in under all clothes that I wear. They're actually made for layering, but I say tucked in is the way to go if it means I can bend over without showing everyone more than they need to see!

Whitney said...

My sisters and I have trained my mom to stay away from the mom jeans and so far so good. Haha. I do feel your pain with the difficulties of finding good jeans though. Too low and they squeeze me in all the unflattering places, too high and i suffocate. The jeans I'm currently wearing are my favorites because they fit just right but I went horseback riding a few weeks ago and it wores holes in them that had to be patched. I'm hanging on to these until I absolutely can't any more. Haha

Jenny the Brave said...

I finally asked a gay salesclerk at the Gap. His jeans looked really good, so I thought he could help me. He told me that I need the "Long and Lean" jeans. I told him, that, as he could see, I am obviously neither long nor lean, but he says they create the illusion with a tighter thigh and looser waist, etc.. blah, blah, I am sold! I also like their curvy jeans because they go in at the waist and so you don't have them slipping down all the time when you bend over or stand up. I have also asked people that I saw who looked cute in their jeans. Lucky Brand and Ralph Lauren fit really good. So, basically you have to pay out the wazoo if you are not shaped like a super-model. Good Luck!

Julie Wright said...

You get no help from me. I wear my mom jeans with pride :)

Karlene said...

I love my mom jeans, but my girls went crazy with the compliments when my sister gave me some moderate low-rise. They're comfy so I wear them too. But what I like most are the stretchy pants at wal-mart, elastic waist, knit (NOT double-knit; I'm not quite that old) in a variety of colors. They do show my gob though, so I wear long shirts.

alisha said...

If you are short waisted, you might want to try petite cut jeans. My friend has the same problem, and her favorite is a brand called "Joe's" and the petite cut style she loves is called "Provocateur." She also said that "Seven" jeans supposedly come in a petite cut, too. Beware, though...they aren't cheap! Good luck with that. :)

Sage Gallagher said...

I know this is an old post but wanted to pipe in. I'm lucky that the petite cut Gloria Vanderbilt's fit me and they have those at Kohls and Costco. I made the mistake of telling my husband the name my sister has for the "gob": muffin top. So now whenever my excess "skin" is hanging over the top of my pants, he's liable to say I've got muffin top going on. I also was dumb enough to tell him about Relief Society arms...