All Kinds of Jiggly inside

Ohhhh, so many happy things going on, where do I start?

Well, first, Julie and I leave on our booktour in 10 days. Wow. I am so, so, so excited. I've heard from several people who are planning to come out and I'm stoked for the support, and for the chance to meet some people I've only known via facebook and e-mail. Julie and I have our rental car rented, our sleeping arrangements made, and Julie has a GPS, although she informs me it only speaks Swedish. Lucky for me, she's fluent--or GPS fluent anyway. I've updated the itinerary on my website to reflect our new stops in Reno, Fountain Valley and Newhall. We've about given up on the last few presentations, but if you have a last minute request--or just want to go to a movie with us or something in the cities where we haven't gotten anything scheduled, be sure to let us know.

Second, I find it a lucky qirk of fate that my booktour coincides with English Trifle being featured as a title selection for Time Out For Women. I was stoked when Lemon Tart made their list, but English Trifle too? Wow, wow, wow. I was interviewed for their site HERE, so check it out, I don't think I sound too stupid, which is always nice.

Third, Devil's Food Cake is done and under review with Deseret Book. I'm so glad to be finished, it frees up my brain to start thinking about the next book which will be titled Key Lime Pie. Yummmmmm. I can't tell you what it's about because...well, I don't know yet :-) But it's gunna be good and take place in Florida.

And Fourth, I got my computer back. It was $400 but they fixed everything, everything, everything, and seriously, after the hours I log on this thing it deserved a spa day; or week. I'm relieved it's all glammed up for the trip and that I don't have to use the timer on the kid's computer anymore, that was totally lame.


And there's only two more days of stupid Halloween crap to deal with. What could be better? Other than only one day of stupid Halloween crap left.

Withdrawl

I can't feel my feet, that's a bad sign, right? And the room is spinning. I'm a little sick to my stomach and no matter how hard I try to tell myself that I'm going to be okay, my mind refuses to believe what must surely be a lie. I am not okay.

There are substitutions available but it seems to make it worse--reminding me how good it once was. The replacement's very incompleteness triggers my anxiety until I fear that I've made a grave, grave mistake. Is imperfection worthy of separation? Am I selfish and arrogant to believe I deserve the best? Why am I so hard to please? So demanding? Is nothing better than almost perfect?

These thoughts have spun around my cortex for the last two days, but I have told myself that I only had to hold out until Friday, then my fears would be laid to rest and this parting would seem a distant, albeit, painful memory. Alas, there is a delay in our reunion and seeing as how it is Friday, that delay will stretch for the rest of today...all day tomorrow...throughout all of Sunday (which, truly seems sacrilegious) and until Monday when I receive the triumphant call that all is well. Only then will I be at peace, comforted by my vice without whom I am simply not myself.

Oh Monday, sweet Monday, I long for the comfort you will bring.

In the meantime, what advice do you have for me? How do you cope when your computer's in the shop?

In Brigham City Tonight?

If you are, come by Reflections of Utah Bookstore for Ronda Hinrichsen's new novel, Missing. Ronda's a good friend of mine and I am so excited for her debut novel! Opening night party will be from 5:00-7:00 (47 So. Main street)

I Swear I'm not Selling Soap!

My apologies to anyone that sells Amway--I'm not against it, per se, but it's not my thing. Was once; and I sucked at it and didn't get the vision of it all even if I did really like the product itself. The whole 'call everyone you know' and 'if you care about them you'll tell them about this product' just wasn't my bag.

As a writer, I'm constantly having to 'sell myself' not on a street corner or anything like that, but I do book signings, I tell people I'm a writer even though I know some of them will make squinty eyes at me. However, one thing I haven't ever done before now is try and schedule presentations.

I give a lot of them, several a month, but I am usually invited. A couple months ago I had a signing in Idaho and asked some of my mailing list people if anyone of them would like me to do a presentation in the area on my way home. I sent the request to 50 people and had two of them respond almost immediately. I ended up with a great presentation in Malad Idaho, a place I likely wouldn't have gone. The lady that set it up did a fabulous job putting it together and we had a great time.

So, with that in mind, when Julie Wright and I were planning our book tour we thought, sweet--we can do presentations! I mean, when will I ever be back in Lake Oswego Oregon again? But we'll be right there and what a fun opportunity for all of us, right. Right?

Apparently wrong.

See, this whole promotion thing is a tricky little beast and while the Idaho presentation came together for me so smoothly, these other ones...not so much. When we call the stake leaders to tell them we're going to be in town they're a little suspicious. They don't seem to believe us when we say we aren't selling books, and when we try and tell them we're great presenters, well, they are even more convinced we are coming to sell books. Maybe this is because they don't have a lot of people come present? Or maybe we waited too long to send out the dates and so it seems like we're trying to sneak in. I don't know, but either way we're selling something they don't seem to want.

Kinda like soap.

It's been rather uncomfortable and although we've managed to line up dozens of book signings, and we have a couple presentations set up, it's looking like most of the cities we'll be hunkering in overnight are a-scared of us. Rather harsh on the old self-esteem, bringing me back to those Amway days...and Xango...and pre-paid Legal...and Malaluca (sp). So, instead of presentations, Julie and I might just have to go to movies, paint each other's toe nails and do Chinese fire drills around our rental car.

Sometimes, it seems, an invitation makes all the difference.

(However, if you assumed that we had them set up, we're still looking for events in Lake Oswego, Sacramento, LA, Mesa, and Thatcher--we would love for you to save us from ourselves!

Bloggy Award and Meme

The Amazing Sandra chose me and four other bloggers for this blog award—which was very sweet. Here’s what she said by way of her reason:

3.Josi:  if you don't know Josi, then you don't know how to look at the hard parts of life and still smile

I hope this is true—but I must say I don’t see it very much. I think I whine about many things that are rather trite compared to what I see other people facing. But when people say things about me that surprise me, I try to absorb them and find the proof. So I’m going to be doing that, and I was very touched by the insightful comment. Thank you, Sandra, I appreciate it very much.

So, the five fabs I will give it to are the following: Each of them have a quality I am working toward developing in my life, hence they getting my notice:

LT Elliot—this woman is sunshine personified. Every time I see her she is just bubbly and so generous with her enthusiasm and optimistic attitude.

Ronda Hinrichsen—Ronda and I have been friends for several years and her first book comes out in a couple of weeks (If you’re in the Brigham City Area, it’s October 22 at Reflections of Utah). She's a solid woman with a strong work ethic and unfailing support of the people she loves. I very much admire her calm determination.

Don & Kara—They joint blog, so it goes to both of them, but together, and apart, they are such examples of what life really is. They have some trials, big ones that I can’t imagine, and yet if you ever read their blog they have such joy in their lives, in each other, and in their two daughters. AND, despite their family focus and optimism amid trial, they are generous and motivated toward the accomplishment of their own goals and dreams. That is a very rare gift indeed.

Julie Wright—She is my best (girl) friend and my mentor in so many ways. She just makes me feel good and when life gets hard she’s the first one I vent too—she’s always very validating and encouraging for whatever I might be facing. I just love her.

Jenna--Is the mother I want to be and I find her a very capable, courageous and inspiring woman. AND I love sending her these things because her answers fascinate me.

Now, on to the questions.

1. Where is your cell phone?.... I don’t know. Car or kitchen or pocket of the hoodie I wore last night. I do think it is charged, however.

2. Your hair? ...... Is really icky right now. I wore it curly yesterday, and the product I use is kind of sticky. I pulled it up with a red elastic this morning and need to get in the shower.

3. Your mother? ...... One of the best people I know

4. Your father?..... Gets better with age (probably my age, mostly)

5. Your favorite food? ...... Cheesecake

6. Your dream last night?.... Annoying—or I should say my husband was annoying in it. We were supposed to go to dinner with this old lady, but got distracted by a finance company who’s files Lee wanted to go through. So he rolled himself up in a sleeping bag and snuck into their office with some sidekick woman I think was his personal assistant. I was just ticked off the whole time since we were late for the poor old ladie’s dinner and then some teenagers were playing chicken in the pond out front and I finally left with Ronda Hinrichsen who was just as annoyed, but far more calm than I was about the whole thing.

7. Your favorite drink?.... Honestly, water. Boring huh.

8. Your dream/goal? .... to be at peace with myself and the people I love.

9. What room are you in? ...... kitchen

10. Your hobby? .... Oh, lots. My chickens, reading, bloggging, cooking

11. Your fear? ..... failure

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?... #8

13. Where were you last night?.....At the Box Elder High School Homecoming game—Jeanie was in the pep band who did the half-time show—it was awesome. First homecoming game I’ve ever been too.

14. Something you aren't?..... Comfortable with myself

15. Muffins? .....bran with craisens and white chocolate chips (Old Grist Mill-mmmmm)

16. Wish list item? ...... Sound canceling headphones

17. Where did you grow up?...... Salt Lake City

18. Last thing you did?...... Made pancakes for the kids and their sleepover friends

19. What are you wearing? ...... black sweat pants, black flip-flops, and an oversized Tommy Hilfiger hoodie. (flip flops were my daughters who hated them; mine now. Sweat pants were $10 on sale 5 years ago and I’ve only recently been able to fit back into them comfortably. Sweatshirt was $2 at DI about two years ago. It’s XL so super comfy and very unflattering. Good thing I’ve already got my man J)

20. Your TV? ..... 15 feet away—The Closer is on. I love TV.

21. Your pets? ......... 1 dog, Tex, and 6 chickens—who Tex would like to eat.

22. Your friends? ...... priceless and unexpected. I did not plan to have these kinds of friendships as an adult. I’m very blessed.

23. Your life?...... pathetically crazy

24. Your mood? .... anxious—I’m so far behind on my deadline and it kills me to not be living up to the expectations of my publisher. Ironically, that feeling then blocks my ability to finish the story and yet I’ve spent how much time on this blog post? It’s all very neurotic. I have a book signing today and then family pictures after that.

25. Missing someone? ..... Not really. Maybe myself a little bit.

26. Vehicle? ......Honda Odyssey (apparently creative advertising doesn’t make that big a difference when it comes right down to whether or not you’ll sell the car)

27. Something you're not wearing? ...... Make-up

28. Your favorite store? .......Deseret Industries—love that place. I get to go to the new one in Ogden today! I need some jeans and a Scout shirt. Wish me luck!

29. Your favorite color? ...... Black

30. When was the last time you laughed? ...... Last night, little man pulled his pants up to his armpits, sucked in his bottom lip and turned out his knees for the walk to our car after the game. He called himself Bartholomew Finkelton and kept snapping his fingers and saying “Ah Shucks”. It was the funniest dang thing I’ve ever seen. The kid is a crack-up

31. Last time you cried? ..... A couple weeks ago when I was alone in Vegas and feeling completely incapable of accomplishing anything in front of me.

32. Your best friend?...... My husband. I’d be lost without him.

33. One place that I go over and over? ....... Costa Rica. It is my bliss.

34. One person who emails me regularly?....... Lee—we exchange e-mails about a dozen times a day.

35. Favorite place to eat? ....... Oh, I’ll eat anywhere J

If you’re someone I tagged, be sure to tell me so I can read your answers.

I Feel Good!

Do you ever have days when you just feel good? I have plenty of them when I just feel lousy, but today is not one of them. I feel so good, in fact, that I'm conspiring with my siblings to make someone miserable. That someone would be my dad. It's his birthday tomorrow and since the last few gifts we have given him have fizzled, I decided to do one that while it won't make him happy, it will fit the remembered-by-my-children bill AND his students will get a kick out of it.

What d'ya think?

Maybe you have to know my dad to know how hilarious I am to give him something that is a) Completely impracticle b) silly and c) slightly feminine.

It's just his bum luck to have a birthday at a time when I feel good.

Last week, I'd have bought him socks. The week before that I'd have sent him five bucks and told him to buy something nice for himself (okay, who am I kidding. I usually forget his birthday entirely). That's how those weeks were going for me, but today. WELL, he gets the full benfit of my feeling good.

So, why does Josi feel good?

Let me count the ways:

1) We are finally getting paid from some of our Vendors who have had outstanding invoices for months and months! This means I can pay bills. It's glorious.
2) I'm not DONE with Devil's Food Cake as in finished, but I am DONE with Devil's Food Cake as in I know how it's gunna end so long as I can write down my thoughts without them feeling rediculous.
3) I wore pants today that 6 months ago gave me a stomachache. Now they fit :-)
4) I have strawberries in my fridge at home.
5) We hired a new bookeeper/receptionist for our Vegas location and she's wonderful. All the books are updated. I could just hug her.
6) I've been in Vegas for the last two weeks (two or three days at a time) and I'M NOT THERE RIGHT NOW!
7) While I'm here in Ogden, they are moving to a new office in Vegas and I'M NOT THERE RIGHT NOW!
8) It's sunny, which means I can do the thing I planned to do for scouts today and don't have to make some stupid crap up to do at the last minute.
9) The Qwest guy fixed my internet.
10) I'm doing laundry. I recently went back to having one day for laundry, which is how I did it for years before trying to do a load a day instead. I like one day better--it means that on the day after I finish, 98% of my families clothes are clean!

So, anyway, enjoy my good mood while it lasts. Anyone else feeling good? If so, what's going well?

Book Tour Itinerary!

I am so dang excited for this book tour with Julie--I've never done anything like this and it makes me feel all kinds of adventurous. We are still looking to schedule several evening presentations, so if you live in these areas and have a group you'd like us to meet with, please let us know. We've both presented to all types of groups--youth groups, Releif Society, Bookgroups, writing groups, youth at risk groups. We speak on a variety of subjects from religious to secular--your topic or ours.

Oh, and I'm on Twitter now because I looked at my daily schedule and said "Hey, I've got like 39 seconds between getting home from work and the kids coming home from school, what should I put there?"  I haven't yet figured out how to go about finding people, so if you know how then maybe you can find me first :-)

Without further ado, here's the schedule.

Monday, November 9th

Start: Willard Utah.

*Idaho Falls, ID:  Deseret Book 11:30-12:30
(208) 525-2500

*Boise, ID: Seagull 5:30-7:00

Tuesday, November 10th

*Kennewick, WA: Far West Books & Gifts, 11:00-12:00
(509) 735-1402

*Lake Oswego, OR: Deseret Book 5:00-6:30
639-6359

*Evening Presentation in Lake Oswego?

Wednesday, November 11th

*Cottonwood CA: Classic Books 4:00-5:30
   (530) 347-2200
   
*Evening Presentation in Cottonwood?

Thursday, November 12th

Sacramento Lunch: 12:00-2:00 (details to follow)

*Sacramento, CA: Deseret Book 4:30-6:00
(916) 967-5725
   
*Evening Presentation in Sacramento?

Friday, November 13th

*Oakland, CA: Seagull 11:00-12:00

*Bakersfield, CA: Beehive Books Bakersfield 4:00-5:30
(661) 322-7276

Saturday, November 14th

Ensign books Los Angeles Area: Details to follow

Sunday, November 15th

*Evening Fireside Orange county?

Monday, November 16th

*Orange, CA: Deseret Book (new location: details to follow) 12:00-2:00
279-3960

*Late Lunch 2:30 (details to follow)

Tuesday, November 17th

*Glendale, AZ: Deseret Book12:30-2:00
439-4809

*Late Lunch 2:30 (details to follow)

*Mesa, AZ: Seagull 4:30-6:00

*Evening Presentation in Mesa area?

Wednesday, November 18th

*Tucson AZ: Latter Day Cottage12:30-1:30
885-2635

*Thatcher AZ: Bookworms book signing 4:30-6:00
428-8089

*Evening Presentation in Thatcher?

Thursday November 19th

Start: Thatcher, Arizona

*Chandler, AZ: Deseret Book 12:00-1:00  (480) 899-5469

*Evening Presentation in Las Vegas area?

Friday, November 20th

*Las Vegas, NV: Deseret Book (location not yet confirmed) 11:00-12:30

*St. George, UT: Deseret Book 4:30-6:00
 (435) 628-4495

Saturday, November 21st

*Cedar City, UT: Deseret Book 12:00-1:30
(435) 865-1253

Three Cheers--Ronda Hinrichsen

I've said before that one of the blessings of writing is the really great people it's brought into my life--one of those people is Ronda Hinrichsen. She and I presented at the same Enrichment night--I talked about writing books and she talked about the dozens of articles she'd written over the years. I think she was the one that thought up the idea of forming a writing group. As I came to get to know Ronda, I have been consistently impressed with the woman she is. She played the piano and teaches lessons, sings and teaches lessons, helps run their family farm, and currently serves as the Young Women's president in her ward. She has three kids, two of which are serving missions in Brazil right now and a radiant smile that she liberally applies to life. She's a steady woman, a hard working woman, and a woman who keeps her priorities and principles in the right place at all times. Therefore, it's exciting to see her attaining the goals she has worked toward for so many years.

Throughout the six years we've been in the same writing group, both of us have moved forward and experienced the ups and downs of the writing profession. This week has been a GREAT week for Ronda! She'd had a novel accepted last spring, and finally got the cover and release date this week. You can see it at her BLOG and it will be available in October. She also won first place in the League of Utah Writer's contest for her other book, Trapped--which is an AMAZING story. I can't wait to see what she comes up with next. There are so many not-so-great moments in a writing carreer, and it just thrills me that Ronda has been able to experinece so many of the golden moments this week.

It's exciting to see all the hard work beginning to pay off, and it's only the beginning--Ronda is both talented and persistent, two of the most important things any writer can have.

Way to go Ronda! I wish you the very best. Run over to her blog and give her a pat on the back, she totally deserves it.

Four Sell!

 *My ad as posted on KSL today. It's okay to have a little personality, right? Sales price $9,600 due to the high miles. Actual ad is HERE

*****

THIS is a mini van with style! No, that is not an oxymoron. Seriously, this is loaded.

I'm going to start with the not-quite-perfect parts of my van. Because, while I love and am dang impressed with the condition it is in, we drove it off the lot 6 years ago and we have four kids. This is a working van and some of that 'work' has taken it's toll. However, I'm hoping that my honesty will endear you enough that you read through the good stuff--cause it's pretty awesome.

1) 140K is a lot of miles, I won't argue that point. However, you have to undertand that we live 10 miles from everything, and I work 20 miles away in the other direction. Just to do basic things we have to cover a lot of ground. Most of that ground is affectionately termed I-15 in these parts. So, while the miles are high, most of them are freeway miles. We get 20-25/gallon too, which is dang good for a minivan.

2) There are exactly two tears in the leather interior. They are both on one of the headrests for the middle seats. Apparently, this head rest took a little adventure into the flower bed for an undisclosed amount of time. I cleaned it up once I discovered it among my Petunias, which is when I found the tears. It is also stained from it's adventures and hence is not the prettiest headrest you've ever seen. If I had any idea how the headrest got there, that kid would be so grounded! The rest of the interior is in perfect condition.

3) There is a 3/4 inch scratch in the dashboard above the jockey box. I don't know how it got there. It could be easily covered with a smiley face sticker from wal-mart. Your kids would thing that was very cute.

4) There is some kind of scratch or scrape on each of the four sides of the exterior of the van. This is due to my apparent lack of depth perception. None of them are down to the metal or otherwise serious, but they are there. However, my depth perception aside, I have never been in an accident and there has been no body repair done on the vehicle.

5) About two years after we purchased the van, the headphone system for the DVD began to screech. The kids hated that. The DVD still works, you just have to listen to it through the stereo system. The upside is that the kids don't fight over who gets the nice headphones. I took it to the dealership to get it fixed but or course it didn't do it when it was in the shop. Go figure. I just make sure I take my iPod so I can listen to something other than Scooby Doo.

6) I mentioned the 6 years and 4 kids, right? Yeah, well that kind of equation does not yeild pristine carpets. I think most of it would shampoo out, but there are no guarantees.

There you have it; all the negatives. Now for the good stuff:

DVD, CD/tape stereo, all leather seats, middle seats are removable--I can do it myself--and can be in a variety of arrangements (okay, by variety I mean three, but still, that's cool, right?), back seat folds into back storage compartment, storage compartment is big; like Costco big, and includes a washable bin so that should you spill, I don't know, laundry soap, back there you can clean it up really easy. Duel automatice doors (and let me tell you, it's the coolest thing ever. There are button controls on the key chain and by the steering wheel. You never have to let your kids in and out again!) Power windows & doors, front and back AC/heat, cruise control, seat heaters, an adjustable middle console area, power outlets in the front and the back--we had the AC recharged for the first time in June, so it's nice and cool. Van does great in the snow. Back windows are tinted.

We put new brakes in 5/09 and new tires 8/09. I'm paranoid about breaking down, so we've been obsessive about maintenance and we started using synthetic oil when we hit 100,000 miles. We have had no mechanical problems with this vehicle. Most the maintenance has been done by the dealership. We do not smoke and we do not transport pets in the car.

A couple extra things I love--a 'secret' compartment under the passenger seat; great for hiding cookies. Little hooks that drop down from the 'chicken' bars in the back are perfect for dry cleaning. When the back seat is down and the middle seats are out you can fit like 80 cases of girl scout cookies back there! I think it would fit a full size inflatable mattress too, but I haven't tried it.

We've had this paid off for a few years but want to sell it so we can pay off our other vehicle. It's really been a great car for our family, but one we don't need the way we did in the beginning. If I somehow didn't answer any of your questions, feel free to drop me a line.

Catching up

Well, the monsters went back to school last week--normal kids, like mine, did too. It was fabulous. Not only to have some time in a quiet house, but also to have their brains occupied with something other than facebook, PS2, and picking fights with one another. They like school with varying degrees of enthusiasm but like I tell them "Enjoying what you do is a luxury. Get over it." I like to lift their spirits with inspirational sayings like that. Another favorite is "Don't worry what people think of you, cause they don't." That was one I got from my father, you know, the type you swore you'd never repeat. Yep, I'm repeating and my kids like it about as much as I did back then. Such is the eternal round of parental mistakes.

BEFORE they went back to school, I had the opportunity to do a podcast with the lovely ladies of the LDS Women's Book Review--always an awesome time to chat with these gals, and I got to share the podcast with Michele Holmes, whose second novel, All the Stars in Heaven, has just come out with Covenant. Her first book, Counting Stars won the Whitney Award for romance in 2007. Anyway, it was a fun time. You can listen to or download the podcast HERE.

Included in the podcast is a super-fun-and-exciting announcement--I won't spill the beans here because we're still working on some details, but it's gunna be awesome and if you listen to the podcast you'll have the heads up before I announce it in detail here :-)

AND, I'm on the final, final leg of my current book--Devil's Food Cake. No, I don't know who did it for sure, and I'm not done. Yes, it is giving me an ulcer, which takes a lot of the fun out of the writing process. But, I'm still optimistic that I can have it done by my deadline, which is the 15th. Cross your fingers, light a candle, say a little prayer, bake cookies or something otherwise inspiring if you have a minute. I could use all the help I can get!

So, that's what's up with me. More to come next week, I hope.

The Life She Lived--Anne Creager

I first met Anne about five years ago, I think, at a writer's conference. She was there in her capacity as a teacher, I was there as a writer, and Julie Wright and I ended up sitting with her and a bunch of other strangers. As we ate, we talked and she asked us about our books, we asked her about her teaching and family and eventually it came out that she was a writer--though she said she hadn't done much with it. This was her last year teaching though and she was so excited to be home with her two daughters and get some writing done. She'd sold an article to The Freind so far, and blew that off even though Julie and I were both wanting to get an article in a church magazine.

Some time after the conference, she contacted me about a writing group I had recently begun with some gals in my area. She didn't live to far away and began attending--often with her darling little girls in tow. My first impressins of Anne were that she was smart, sweet, didn't like to inconvenience anyone, and was excited and anxious about being able to put more time into her writing. I'm not sure when I noticed the scar on her upper arm for the first time, but I remember being curious as to the story behind it. It was mostly hidden by the sleeves of her t-shirts, but it looked as though whatever it had once been had been painful. However, even I have manners sometimes so I didn't ask.

Eventually, she told me about the scar--Melanoma she'd had removed a few years earlier. Yikes. I'd never met anyone that had actually had skin cancer. And she was so young--she'd have been in her early 20's when they'd found it. Her husband was a dentist, so it had taken place during his schooling, and not to long before her first daughter was born. She didn't make a big deal about it, and so neither did I but it put a bit more focus on her and the way she lived her life. She'd faced demons most of us won't face, and she was refined by it. No wonder she had such evenness and compassion.

As our friendship continued she had another little girl, asked how she could still write when she had so much 'mothering' to do, wondered if she should wait until her girls were older, worried she was wasting her time. Most writers have these same thoughts and one of the best parts of a writing group is the support and solutions we can give to one another.

Last February after a ski or bike trip with her husband (I'm afraid I can't remember which) she had a pain in her chest; what she thought was a pulled muscle. But it didn't go away. I won't forget the e-mail where she told us (the writing group) what happened, she said it was a blessing that her husband had become so incredibly sick that they'd had to take him to an emergency doctor's appointment. While there she casually mentioned the pulled muscle in her chest that didn't seem to be healing. I don't know what test the doctor ran but within a week or so they discovered a tumor the size of a football growing in her chest. Apparently when Melanoma comes back, it doesn't go away. But Anne was determined to get every minute out of this life that she could get.

What came next was months of traveling to Denver for treatments, surgeries, cyberknife--anything and everything she could get to help keep the cancer at bay. And yet it continued to grow. It wrapped around her heart, it snuck up on her thyroid, and as of last month it had attached to her liver. She fought it, and yet that's not all she did. She also took trips with her kids, did photo shoots for family and friends (including me) and continued to be a mother and wife to her family. She lost her hair and it came in black and curly instead of straight and auburn. She lost weight and gained weight--and lamented the toll the medication took on her skin. Every time she sent an update she thanked God for her blessings and pointed out the miracles happening in her life. And she wrote.

She'd been working on a book when she was diagnosed, and she finished it and began shopping agents. She had an article published in the New Era a few months ago. She began a project about growing up for girls, admitting that one of the reasons was that she knew she might not be there to tell them what she wanted her daughters to know. She began recording childhood memories--beautifully written childhood memories. She wasn't able to come to group very often, but when she did she'd read us these moments from her life and we would realize how much we didn't know about her. I'll never forget the Boot of Stew story or the one that had us all bawling where she talked about the experience of braiding her hair into three braids before cutting them off before chemo took her hair from her. She wanted a braid for each of her girls--so they would remember Mama's copper braids. Sometimes she worried that she shouldn't be spending so much time writing, and yet Ward (her husband) said "But it's what you love." And it was what she loved. She loved to write, and amid the horrific changes in her future she didn't want to lose any of those life memories. The picture included in this blog was taken at the 2009 LDStorymakers Conference. She'd always wanted to come, and finally did even though she had to leave early as she wasn't feeling well.

I saw Anne for the last time at writer's group about a month ago--her hair was gone again and she laughed as she said that she hated that her youngest daughter would only remember her bald, since she'd only been about two when Anne lost her hair the first time. She read us an article she'd written for the Ensign about preparing for death. We all cried through it. She said she'd finished writing all the letters to her daughters that would be given to them as they passed milestones she would not see. They'd moved to a home near her husband's parents, and she said how much fun it was, how glad she was to be able to be there with her family. Treatments had run out, she wasn't feeling well but was still looking into her options. I can't remember if I hugged her goodbye that day. I sure hope I did.

Last week she posted this to her blog:

I have no doubt that if it is Heavenly Father's will, I will be healed. But even if I'm not, I have to admit that I feel at peace. The last month has been fraught with panic and frantic anguish, but now I feel differently. I trust Him. I look forward to asking WHY all of this had to happen. I'm not going to ask it now, because I know that He can see the whole picture and I know that whatever His will is, things will be okay. My girls will be okay because they have Ward. I know that Ward will be okay because he has them. And we all have each other--FOREVER--and that's what really matters.

Today, this was posted in her behalf:

We wanted to let you know that Anne is in the hospital and has taken a turn for the worse. She is not expected to live much longer ...

I love Anne. And I will miss her. Though I was not part of her inner circle of friends and family, I was blessed to know her, to hear her words, and watch this final journey she has made. I am strengthened for the strength she has shown, and yet my heart is simply full of sorrow for the things she is leaving behind. She has a beautiful life HERE and I want her to stay in it. I don't understand why she's being called away, it's not fair. But she has accepted the path her life has taken, and I have no doubt that many loving arms will embrace her on the other side just as many arms here will ache.

Thank you, Anne, for your example, for your friendship, for your beautiful smile and your realistic view of life and love and family. I am greatly blessed to have known you and am glad that through the words you took the time to write, you will live on for generations to come.

May you and your family feel peace--you have earned it.

Why I can't color my hair

Thanks to everyone who gave me their feedback on the Kindle, I had no idea there were other e-readers out there so I need to look into them before I make my final decision. However, I have decided that an e-reader at some point will be mine, oh yes, it shall be mine.

Now onto other things:

So, when we got back from Snowbird last week, my van--which had not gone with us--had a flat tire. Really flat. Dear hubby pumped it up and life went on.

Yesterday, I went to work and at some point looked out the window to see that the tire was flat again. Really flat. Aggravating.

I left work, pumped up the tire and drove to Brigham City and my favorite tire store, Les Schwab (they came to my rescue when I had a bulging tire and the people that sold me that tire said they couldn't do anything to help--sorry). We're close enough that I just call him Les. Worried that the tire wouldn't hold air the whole 20 miles, I adjusted my side mirror so I could watch the tire throughout the drive. I'm very detail oriented like that. Lucky for me, it looked great. Phew.

I arrived as Les Schwab, pointed out the injured tire and wrote 900 words on my WIP while I waited. Strangely enough, Les couldn't find anything wrong with the tire. I was shocked, but maybe it was one of those self-healing tire things. It happens. They didn't charge me, which was sweet since it wasn't their tire giving me trouble, I went home and forgot all about it.

Until I went to work today and looked out the window. The tire was flat. Really flat. How is that possible? Les didn't find anything wrong with the tire, and yet it was flat? What about my self-healing tire theory? I liked that theory.

My co-worker came in a little later and said "Whoa, your tire is flat--really flat." I said I knew that and explained the whole story.

"They should have put it in water, if they had they'd have found the hole--tires don't get THAT flat in 24 hours unless there is one heck of a leak."

I told him they DID put it in water, I knew this because the tire was all clean and shiny when I drove away from Les the day before. And as I described this to him, I looked back out the window. Wait a minute.

The tire that was flat now, isn't the tire that was flat yesturday...or at least, it's not on the same side of the car. That's when I realized that tires don't really heal themselves. Instead, the tire I pointed out to Les wasn't actually the tire that was flat. That means that the tire I watched through the side mirror all the way to Brigham City, wasn't the one that had been flat either. Huh, how about that?

Good thing I'm not a brunette, then I'd really have some explaining to do. As it is, everyone just smiles at me sympathetically when this kind of thing happens. . . and then they sell me four new tires.

Kindle Questions

I know some of my wonderful blog readers own Kindles and therefore I am going to take full advantage of you and beg for information. If you're not a Kindle owner, rest assured that your opinion still matters.

I have been stalking the idea of owning one myself for a few months. You have to understand I was against them when they first came out--they seemed like a total geek-toy that could never replace the joy of a book I can hold in my hands. However, as time has passed I'm seriously tempted. The idea that I could go on vacation with a dozen books that weigh 10 oz. is cool. The idea that if a book I'm reading sucks, I can just move onto the next one is intriguing. But will I like it? Will I miss the 'book in hand' thing and will it make me cry because it's so hard to use. I no good at hard stuff.

I have a couple specific questions for Kindle owners:

1--Wan you upload ANY ebook? My library recently started doing ebooks, can I check those out and put them on my kindle?

2--Is it cost effective? At $300 to buy it and an average price of about $10/book, does it pay for itself in a short amount of time?

3--Were there surprises you think I should be aware of?

So, what are your thoughts/experiences/friend's experiences/prejudices/fears/intrigue in regard to the kindle?

PS--thank you!

Updates and Stuff

JULY 30: The opening night for English Trifle went great--I'm bummed I didn't take more pictures of the trifle--it was impressive. This photo was only because my sweet husband thought to take a picture. I don't know why I never do. I saw some great friends, and even had a lady drive up from Salt Lake. She brought some of her other books for me to sign and was just oh so sweet. Another friend brought me a mini 'birthday cake' to celebrate my book's birthday--cute huh? We ended up with half a dozen left over mini-trifles, which I took to some neighbors, and a full trifle that we took to my husband's home teaching family. Sweet! I'd have been in trouble if I had to eat them myself.

JULY 31: When I was 13 my parents bought a time share at Snowbird, about 20 minutes from where we lived. In the winter, Snowbird is skiing extraordinaire (or so they say). In summer, it's an amazing vacation spot. About ten years ago, Lee and I bought a time share too. Each year all of us siblings try our darndest to make it to Snowbird and it's awesome. We headed up here last Friday and it's been such a great time. I get to hang out with my family, some of which I don't get to see very often, enjoy the mountains, listen to the river and just have a good time with my own kids. Those of you that know me well, know that just having fun doesn't come easy to me. Life is mostly about getting stuff done and working--but Snowbird forces me to let go and I have such a fabulous time. For those of you in Utah, if you're ever looking for a 'day trip' in the summer, come to Snowbird and get their ride pass. You can take the tram up to Hidden peak, do the alpine slide, ziprider, bungy tramp, mechanical bull, climbing wall and Peruvian lift as much as you want from 11-7. Costco sells 4 adult passes for $79 (adult price is $32--I know, steep) or you can use a Diet Pepsi can and get $10 off. It's a FUN day, really, for all ages and it's just beautiful up here.


Lee-aka, Husband Extrodinaire, has also given me writing time since I'm on a deadline and stressing out about it. Because of that, I've written 8,000 words since we got up here, which is a huge relief. I've only got 30,000 to go by September 1st. Oy.



(Do you love this photo? Just call me forehead girl)

AUGUST 5: Today, I'm taking some time off the mountain to go to LDSBA, which is a closed expo show for all things LDS--books, art, music, etc. I get to sign copies of English Trifle, which is so beyond awesome I can't even tell you. First of all, the books I sign are free to those that attend the expo (mostly retail store owners) which means I get a line--authors love lines and they don't happen at a signing. Second, those retail owners know me and most of them have read my books so they say all kinds of sweet things. AND, I get to see some of my most favoritest people. Then I get to come back to snowbird and have a couple more days of good, simple fun.

So, there you have it. That's what's going on with me. I'll take photos at LDSBA and post them tomorrow--really, I will. have a great day.

Fantasy World

I love my life, however, that's not to say I don't have problems, frustrations, and flat out trials--with a capitol T and that rhymes with P and that stands for Portland.

That's right; Portland.

This is where I go in my mind when life get so overwhelming that I just want to chuck all the great things I have in it. I close my eyes and I imagine that I live in a studio apartment in Portland, and it's raining, and my shift at K-mart doesn't start for two hours. I'm hungry--and guess what? I don't have to feed anyone but ME! If I want the last piece of cake from last night, I can eat it all by myself and not have to give a bite to anyone, much less eat it in the bathroom so that no one sees me. Guess who's clothes are in the dryer? MINE! and they are clothes that need to be ironed because in my fantasy world I buy that kind of clothes because I have time to iron them! And guess what my couches look like? Floral patterned. Yep, great big peonies and daisy's and stuff. They are girly, and they are cute and I love them and that's all that matters. Not a single other person made decorating decisions. Just me. My TV uses one remote, I wake up when I want to, and I read all night if I feel like it. My calendar fits in my purse because only my appointments are written on it. I keep chocolate out ON THE COUNTER and save up my money so I can take cool vacations which are cheap, because it's just me! I don't go to amusement parks out of obligation; I don't spend all my money on school clothes while pining after a new pair of jeans for myself. I watch The Scarlet Pimpernell over and over, saying the dialogue with Percy and Margarite. No one makes fun of me for it. I have three bills--gas, power, and car insurance. I drive a VW bug that never breaks down. Food costs me $100 a month and I don't buy chicken because I don't EAT chicken, which means I never have to touch the gross slimey stuff just to make someone else happy. I go barefoot because there is never sand on the floor and I can't tell you how much it costs to enroll a kid in high-school because I don't care about that stuff.

My husband is well aware of my fantasy world. He has one too--but his involves a New York City apartment that overlooks Wall Street and Central Park. He's a billionaire that doesn't worry about homeowners insurance claims or incidental expenses like shoes for the kids instead of new tires. He never eats at home and works 16 hours a day. He owns about eight cars--but pays someone to drive him around in a Bentley.

I mentioned this fantasy world to my friend Julie Wright once; I thought she'd tell me I was unstable (though it's probably not a good idea to tell unstable people that they are unstable--maybe over the phone, but not in person) and she admitted she had a fantasy world she escaped too as well. We're both unstable!

And so I'm curious; are we the only ones--Lee, Julie, and I? Or does everyone have this 'escape' in their mind that serves to allow them to re-appreciate what they do have? In your fantasy world can you leave chocolate out on the counter instead of hiding it in your sock drawer?

The Fall--phew!

I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was nine years old. Why? Because I was terrified of falling. Each time someone would try to teach me, I would fall and refuse to try again--until my embarrassment of being the only kid my age that couldn't ride got me on the bike again. finally, at nine years old I figured it out--and didn't fall. At our house no one 'owned' a bike. Because there were so many of us we simply had a plethora of sizes, you would choose the one that fit you best and it was yours until you got back home. If you ended up with the yellow sparkly one with the banana seat and white wicker basket--well, show up in the garage earlier next time!

Once I knew how to drive, I don't think I ever rode a bike again.

About four years ago I bought a bike for our oldest daughter and I got the idea to buy one for myself. My first bike!

I got a nice one--a cross-something or other that could do road and mountain trail. The next day I strapped on my helmet (first time I'd ever worn one) and set off. I was home two miles and ten minutes later. My legs and lungs were on fire. I parked the bike, very disappointed that it was so hard. I wanted a nice easy, fast moving exercise. I'd been robbed! Over the next four years I probably put about 25 miles on that bike and most of those trips were with the kids to the church and back.

Last summer I started running with a good friend, Tiffany. Tiffany is amazing and different from any woman I've ever known as an adult. She LIKES exercise! She and her family all swim like freaking dolphins, they run, they bike. But not in the freaky-guru "I only wear Nike t-shirts so you'll know what an athlete I am" kind of way, but in the "I love the satisfaction of having had my body in motion."

Well, I'm a satisfaction freak. I love 'finishing' something. So, with her as my running buddy I got up to 3 miles. When an injury caused her to cut back, I kept going. I went four and five miles! I ran a couple 5K's and came to love the accomplishment at the end of a run.

One thing Tiff and her family do is biking--and I mean BIKING. Last summer she biked around Utah lake--it's 100 miles. Each time she would tell me about these excursions I would think of my bike sitting in the garage. I asked her questions about riding on the side of the highway--had she ever been hit by a Diesel and put in traction for 6 months? In fact, she had not. What if her chain fell off? She FIXED it, all by herself. The woman is amazing. Finally, a couple weeks ago I bit the bullet and rode my bike to a church meeting, three miles away. I'm sure the women there thought I was dying when I arrived--I was sweaty and my face was bright red and I had to excuse myself so that I could catch my breath. I wasn't sure I liked it. I had to ride on the highway and every time a car passed me I would hold my breath, sure it was going to take me out. My hands were sore by the time I got home because I would clench them each time a car came up on me from behind. But I did survive, and therefore I had 'success' and, as I said, I'm a success freak.

Since that night my husband and I have gone on a few bike rides together. It's been a lot of fun to push ourselves and cover so much ground. We're up to about 8 miles, and it only takes about 40 minutes. We live in a beautiful place and love getting out into it. But in the back of my mind has been a niggling fear. What if I fall? I mean, I KNEW I would fall eventually, and at times that thought terrified me to the point of letting Lee ride alone. Remember, I love success, not failure, and falling is a failure I don't want to face. Every time we get on the bikes I think about it, worry about it, and then proceed with extreme caution. I don't WANT to fall. I want to ride.

Last night we went up on the canal road, which overlooks Willard and Willard Bay. It's breathtakingly beautiful, but the road is rutted and has a drop off on one side. I tried not to think about falling, but it was hard not to. Tt was not the road I wanted to fall on (not that there was a road I wanted to fall on, but you get my point). My rear brake is out on my bike--something I manage to forget between each ride. Every hill had my heart pounding as I pictured the back wheel of my bike cartwheeling over the front. We turned back when the sun began to set, with Lee in the lead, and came to a portion of road that was deeply rutted. I decided it would be best to stay up on the ridge between the two ruts. It worked for a little while, until my back wheel fell into one of the ruts, forcing my front wheel to the side. I yanked back on it, tried to correct and instead went down on my left side. I wasn't going very fast, and I didn't fall very far, but I caught myself with my hands. I sat there for a minute, my hip throbbing, my hands burning and then felt the strangest sense of relief.

I'd fallen. But I was okay. The thing I had feared all along was over with.

The fall hadn't destroyed me, it hadn't damaged me beyond repair. I got up, brushed off and got back on my bike so I could catch up with Lee and take advantage of his sympathy. When I got home, I had to clean the rocks out of my hand--OUCH! But I continued to have the thought go through my head "I'm okay."

Not only that, I'm smarter too. On Monday, I'm going to get my rear brake fixed--it's silly for me to ride a bike that's missing half it's stopping ability. I'm also going to get some hand guards, so if I fall again, I won't imbed rocks into my flesh. I've LEARNED something from the experience, and that is a SUCCESS. Bring it on!

And it got me thinking. How often does the fear of falling keep us on the ground? And have you ever 'fallen' only to realize that it wasn't nearly as bad as you thought it would be? AND, if not for those inevitable falls in life, would we ever learn anything at all?

I'd love to hear your stories.

Follow, Follow Me!

I feel so special! I have 38 followers; now if that doesn't make a girl feel loved, I don't know what will. And it's nice to feel loved.

Yesterday was my 'Throw Rocks at the World Day" I have them about once a month. Sometimes it comes on a day when I am too busy to notice and so I manage to brush it off until it slithers back into the moldy undergrowth where it came from. Other days, like yesterday, it's claws dig into my flesh as it crawls up my back and cackles in my ear. All.....day.....long.

Nothing went horribly wrong, but nothing went right either. Everything and everyone annoyed me and the only thing I wanted was silence. Which is impossible. Therefore I was just irritated all day. Lee finally asked me if I was mad at him (after asking me six times what was wrong and me saying "NOTHING, OKAY!") and I said no, not really, I was just . . . mad about everything. Then I listed everything that had me annoyed--to which I believe he was thinking "Why did I ask?"

Today, I felt better--especially when I realized I had 38 followers--almost double what I had when I started the contest last week :-) So thank you, to everyone that posted reviews and followed me and helped me get over myself.

So, on that note, I put all the names (multiplied by how many times you entered) into www.random.org and ran the list 4 times because I have four angelic children, even when I don't like them. The poor dears--to be vexed with such a mother as I, sigh.

I had 53 entries! That totally rocks, so thank you everyone.

Anyway, so ran the lists and the winner is . . .

Jenna! Which is particularly fitting because she's the kind of mom I wish I were, especially on days like yesturday. If you don't read her blog at www.cranberrycorner.blogspot.com, you should. You're life will be enriched by her perspectives on life and family.

Jenna, will you e-mail me your address off-list, I will then forward it to Julie who will sign the book and send it out to you.

Thanks again everyone who entered! Preciate it.

PS--English Trifle shipped to stores on FRIDAY--almost 2 weeks early! My Opening Night Party will be on July 30th at Reflections of Utah Bookstore at 47 S. Main in Brigham City 5:00-6:30. More info to follow.

CONTEST!

I mentioned in my last post about the amazing people I have met during my writing journey--one of those people is the phenomenal Julie Wright who has enriched and blessed my life in ways too numerous to count. I am continually impressed with her optimism, compassion, work ethic, and just the plain ol' joy she finds in life. I have watched her work so hard for so many years and create amazing stories that blow my mind--one of which has JUST been released by Covenant Communications. AND, because she's awesome and because I love you guys, you get the chance to win a copy of her book, Eyes Like Mine.

I had the chance to do some editing on this book in the early stages of it's development, and it is AWESOME. I don't do many book giveaways on my blog, so that in and of itself ought to attest to how highly I think of this book. While it's categorized as YA (most you know how I feel about most YA) it's a GREAT book and worth the read no matter your age!

So, here's how you enter:

1) Become a follower of my blog and leave me a comment to tell me so. If you're already a follower, just put it in the comment trail and you're entered automatically.

2) Leave an online review for one of my books. Links to my books on DB's website can be found via my website www.josikilpack.com--just go to the book you want to leave a review for and click on the 'buy the book' icon. Once you've left the review, either e-mail me or leave a comment here on my blog so that you get entered into the contest.

You get an entry for becoming a follower as well as an additional entry for every review you leave (copy and paste the same review into multiple review websites--I don't mind!). Just be sure to tell me how you've entered.

AND, if you're interested in winning a copy of English Trifle, check out Julie's blog where she's running a similar contest. Double prizes, baby!

Contest will end on Sunday, July 12. I'll post the winner on Monday!

So, why Write?

From the post I put up here last week, one might think that my writing is sometimes like cooked spinach on my plate--why on earth would you eat that? Ever since that post (and thank you all for being so dang understanding :-) I've been thinking about the other side.

If it's SO much work and SO hard to do, why DO it at all? Here's why.

I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves me, and one way that he has shown his love for me was to send me to earth with a wide array of little packages that through my life I get to open. One of those packages was presented to me about ten years ago in the form of bedrest, Lifetime Television for Women and Anita Stanfield. I was on bedrest with a pregnancy, I was battling depression induced by this circumstance and I was bored out of my mind. The next three months looked like a very long and dark road for me. But there was another road that worried me even more. As I'd grown up and had children I had been a bit worried to realize that I didn't feel 'filled up' the way I thought I would. It's not my kid's fault or my husband's fault, in fact I think most, if not all, mothers of young children feel this way at times. There is so much that needs doing, and we feel so incapable of being the one to do it all. I read a lot at that time--it was my escape and I cherished the opportunity to travel the world and live different lives for a few hours here and there. I think most, if not all, mothers of young children find similar escapes. If it's not reading, it might be sewing, if it's not sewing, it might be geneology, or crafts, or home decor, or welding. We need the reminder that we are someone. We are an idividual and while raising my kids would hands down be the most rewarding and important job I'd ever had--I was not sent to this earth JUST for them. THEIR plan was not MY plan. I still had to find a way to be me, and to enjoy who I was.

When I started writing in October of 1998 I unwrapped a gift that had lurked beneath the surface--sometimes way beneath the surface--for a long time. I started a journey I never imagined I would ever make and my life blossomed. Despite the hard parts of it, I was opened up to a whole world of possibilities I'd never even realized were there. And through my journey I have continue to unwrap many, many gifts I'd have never realized if I hadn't opened that first one. Here are a few:

1) Friendships. I have met some of the MOST amazing people through my writing. Between fans and fellow authors, I have been blessed with wonderful friendships with people that love and support me. This is something I didn't expect as an adult and, without my writing, I'm not sure I'd have ever realized it was possible to have such great friends, to have girls-nights out, and conference weekends where we stay up until 2:00 a.m. And my life would not be the same without these people in it. My writing invited many of these freinds into my life, without it, we'd have never met.

2)Assurance of my Father in Heaven's love. I know without a doubt that my writing is a gift from God because I could never have done it myself. I did not set out on this path, I found it and I believe it was God's will that I did so. When I struggle or succeed I feel the prodding of something bigger and much smarter than myself. I have written scenes that a wriggling-squirmy feeling has told me to delete. I have also had ideas fully land in my brain that ended up being powerful realizations--not only of the story I'm writing, but of the life I'm living. Second only to holding my newborn children in my arms and looking into the eyes of my husband, I know that writing was something I was sent here to do. That's a powerful knowledge to have in my heart and one I am so grateful for.

3) Example to others. This last winter a Friend came to me and shared an award she'd received at work--she said she pecifically told me about it because she knew I wouldn't be jealous and I would fully celebrate it with her. I knew success and I knew the joy of a job well done, therefore I could appreciate it in someone else. This was one of the best compliments I've ever received, and yet other people tell me how they started a book after reading mine, or felt better about taking time to pursue their hobbies after I told them how I try to make it all fit in. I LOVE that. It is inspiring to me to see other people doing those things, and to be one of those people for someone else? Wow. We really are all part of one big whole, each of us feeding off of and giving to one another. The more we develop ourselves the more we have to offer. It is a sense of purpose that is both exciting and humbling to be part of that for other people.

4) Example to my children. While they make sacrifices for my dreams, they also benefit from it. Because they see me working at something, they are not afraid to pursue their own talents and interests. I work hard to support them like they support me and it allows them a base of confidence when they start something new. Each of them have gone through an "I have to be a writer" phase because that's what they see, but they've all realized that just because writing is my thing, doesn't mean it will be theirs. But whatever THEIR thing is, they know that it will take work and energy and that I will cheer them to the very end. They have enjoyed every triumph with me and that has created bonding moments for all of us that will never be forgotten. I think my girls will be great mom's one day because they won't EXPECT their children to fill every nook and cranny of their head. They will feel okay with being who they are, and yet still fulfilling the roles they take on.

5) Public Speaking. When I was about 14 I went to a fireside and this lady talked about . . . something I don't remember, but she made us laugh. And I felt the spirit at the end of her talk and I had this thought "I want to do that someday" which I was immediately embarrassed about. Who was I to think I could stand in front of a group of people and tell them something important? As I grew up this thought would enter my head, and it always embarrassed me. It was so far out of my sphere and ability it was ridiculous. Well, low and behold, I do that. I'm not great and I get queasy when I stand up in front of a room--but I do it and I love it! I'm improving all the time and I like to think that one day I really will give to people what that woman gave to me. I always look over the audience and wonder if there's someone down there embarrassed by the thoughts that they might want to do that too. (See #3)

6) Faith. Faith is something that has never come easy for me, but as I look back on my journey of a writer I know that there is a plan for me, and that there are details that have lined up perfectly for me to arrive where I am. This allows me to look forward and have much more faith in where the journey might take me. I trust that God is out for my best interest--even when I rage at Him (which he always forgives me for). There is no remedy for panic except faith and I'm learning that more and more all the time. My writing has made the gospel much more real for me. I've delved into feelings and attitudes that are not my own, and yet which help me relate to other people better than I did before. I've learned so much about God through my playing 'God' with my characters and going through their trials of faith.

7) Being a partner. Because I am well aware of the sacrifices made by my husband on behalf of my writing, I am always looking for ways to pay him back. I do not have problems with my husband going out of town, or spending time with Friends. It would be hypocritical for me to call him on those things when he sacrifices so much for my interests. Because I know how important 'my stuff' is to me, I try to look for 'his stuff' that needs my support as well. I know many women in a constant tug-of-war with their husbands for time, attention, and equal responsibility. I can honestly say this isn't an issue in our house (well, most of the time :-) I still have my moments). I look for ways to support him so that when I'm on a deadline or am scheduling a weekend away, I don't have to justify it.

I truly believe we were all sent here with gifts. If we choose to open them and embrace them, we will have to find time for them, but they will bless our lives in many ways when we take the time and the effort to do so. Life is not easy, and sometimes our greatest blessings are also our greatest trials, and yet they are BLESSINGS all the same.

I am SO grateful for the amazing support that's been given to me on my journey and I sincerely hope I have the opportunity to return it in full measure to those around me. We ALL have these gifts, and they will help us fulfill our measure of creation--something all of us have. Writing has done that for me, and I will ever be grateful for it.

Will being an author cut Into time with my children?

I was recently asked by a fellow writer not yet published if a writing career was going to cut into her time with her children and family. She was very concerned with the effect her 'career' could have on her kids. She wanted reassurance. I'm not sure I gave it to her, but she caught me in a moment of painful honesty and that was with what I answered her. I thought I would include it here, not to discourage anyone, but simply to put into focus that while we all have our own 'plan' there are sacrifices to be made for all things we bring into our life and no one, NO ONE, gets out of that. I edited this a little bit for space and for relativity. If Writing isn't your thing, insert something else that fills your mind and heart, something you long for and yet fear at the same time. We all have them:

Yes. Writing will cut into your time with your children. It will cut into your time with your husband. It will cut into your housekeeping, gardening, exercise, reading, church callings, community responsibilities, family vacations, and at times your personal hygiene. Everything we do that is not right there next to our family takes us away from them. Sometimes it hurts. I have had times when I am blinking back tears as I drive to a presentation because I know my home and family are ‘undone’ yet I’ve made a commitment to whoever I’m presenting too and I can’t simply NOT do it. I’ve had times when my husband has told me I’m overdoing it and my focus is not where it needs to be. We have argued about it. My kids have said things like "You're always on the computer!" or "I don't want you to leave again?"

Sometimes I wish I’d never started because then I would have one less thing to worry about, one less piece to cut myself into. But when these moments come I remember that I was missing something before I started writing. I AM happier now than I was then, but simply being happy doesn't take the hardship away.

I have always been ambitious and busy and when I discovered writing all of that energy went into something that felt marvelous—sharing my thoughts within framework of characters and plots I grew to love was just . . . right. At the time it was so much fun that it was easy to fit in and enjoy every moment. It was a hobby. It isn't anymore. Since then it’s grown into a BIG thing in my life and it takes up a lot of room in my head, on my calendar, on my hard drive and in my house. I’ve chosen to make a place for it and I try to make wise decisions about how much space it can have, but it is there, it is always there. I’ve missed plays my kids are in, classroom parties, sporting events, and other significant moments because of obligations tied to my writing. I hate that, and yet writing is part of my reason for being here, I know it is. My kids are part of why I’m here as well, I know that too. They aren’t going to be in my home forever and writing might not be a part of my life forever either—there is no way to know what will happen next year or five years from now and so I try to do my best and enjoy both phases of my life as best I can. Right now I find myself at the top of my game, my books are doing better than ever and it thrills me to the core, but it also demands more of me and creates more stress in my life and that of my family. To stop now would be to lose what I've worked so hard for, and it's not an option. So I keep going, and I keep asking the Lord for help in finding balance, and I keep working on my mothering so that I don’t feel so guilty when I’m not physically present, and I schedule my presentations, and read writing books, and I brainstorm and edit and live in fear of the day when this might all be over. And I write.

Every day is a balance—sometimes my family is on the losing end of it. Sometimes my church calling is, or my husband, or my own peace of mind. But I love writing. I need it. And so I sacrifice for it with my eyes wide open, always looking at the scales to see if I’m off base, always watching for empty hours I can fill with words, and always praying that the Lord will let me know when I need to pull back.

He usually does, but that hurts too.

I can’t promise that adding a writing career won’t upset the balance in your home so much that you bleed. I also can’t promise that you will set such an example to your children that their lives will be forever blessed BECAUSE of your writing, not in spite of it. Every writer I know has to find the balance, has to make the choice to move forward, and then they have to commit to all of it—family, church, writing, and themselves. If you’re not ready, don’t do it. It is hard. If you’re ready, take a deep breath, get on your knees and pray for courage, faith and that you can keep your priorities straight.

Only you can decide if you're up to this, only you can add something this big to your life and find the balance. No one can do it for you, and no one should. Your life is your own journey, and no one carries your pack for you. Decide what you can carry, and then commit to do your best. I wish you luck.