Whitney Award Gala Speech 2011

For the last two years I have served as president of The Whitney Awards, a genre fiction award for LDS writers both in the National and LDS specific market. Robison Wells founded the award program five years ago and left me some very big (and sweaty) shoes to fill. I have enjoyed my opportunity to serve very much and have learned so much about myself, about other people who put their shoulder to the proverbial wheel, and I've discovered a lot of great books I would not have read otherwise. It's been a blessing to me to be a part of this program, and yet I gladly hand the baton to Heather Moore who will be president for 2012. Last night (May 5, 2012) was the Gala where the winners were announced and our Achievement Winners, Jack Weyland and Douglas Thayer, were acknowledged. The Gala is always a bittersweet night for me. I love, love, love hearing the acceptances and feeling the spirit of the night, but I'm aware of the 28 or so people who go home with empty hands. I've been that person and as happy as I've been for the other winners, I still wish I'd have won it :-) It's my supreme hope and prayer that they all feel the tribute of having been a finalist and that those in the audience who weren't finalists this year will have felt some of the spirit of night meant just for them as well. Though the Gala recognizes the winners--and their accomplishment is great--it is about everyone who writes the words. I was asked by a few attendees for a copy of the opening remarks I gave prior to the award portion of the evening. Since I print my blog into a book every few years, I wanted a record of the evening as well so I chose to post it here. You are welcome to use it, within context, in whatever it might support. 

Thanks to everyone who has offered their support and encouragement to this award process and to me individually. It's been a fabulous experience I will ever be grateful to have had. For more information about the Whitney Awards, click HERE. To see the winners for the 2011 Whitney Awards, click HERE.

The Whitney award program was named in honor of Orson F. Whitney—a former member of the twelve apostles who pursued and encouraged the fine arts throughout his life. Orson was born on 1855 in Salt Lake City, Utah. From the time he was very young he had what was described as an artistic temperament—he loved art, music, and literature. While attending The University of Deseret—now the University of Utah—he formed the Wasatch Literary Association and was planning to make a career in theater in New York when he was called to serve a mission in the Eastern United States. Prior to this time in his life he claimed not to be spiritually driven. He did accept the call but did not feel as though he himself were converted until he had a remarkable dream where he witnessed Christ’s atonement in the Garden of Gethsemane.

By the time he returned to the Salt Lake valley he had not only been converted himself, but through his proselytizing he’d grown remarkably as a speaker and teacher. He was offered a job with the Deseret News and was called as a Bishop at the age of 22 and, as yet, unmarried. He married Zina Smoot just a year later and they had their first child a year after that. In the years that followed, he served a mission to Europe, continued to work at the Deseret News, and served in local politics. Amid it all, however, he found time to pursue his passions in writing. His first book “The life of Heber C. Kimball” was published in 1888 and soon followed by his first book of poetry—a joy he had worked on in private for many years.

Politically he advocated Women’s Sufferage, protection against persecuted polygamists, and also fought against compulsory vaccination. He was hired to teach philosophy at Brigham Young College in Logan but when no one signed up for his classes, he ended up teaching Theology and English instead and from that point forward began lecturing on a regular basis. It’s been said that “In literary work, discourses, lectures, orations, funeral sermons and miscellaneous addresses, along with his ecclesiastical labors, his mind, tongue and pen were kept constantly busy.”

After 28 years as a bishop, seven of which were also spent working in the Church Historical Department, Orson F. Whitney was called as a member of the twelve in 1906 but asked friends and acquaintances to continue calling him Bishop Whitney in part because he created most of his literary works as Bishop Whitney and preferred that identification. Time and again the message of his talks and presentations was to encourage people to use the gifts God had given them and see within those gifts lasting treasures of virtue, accomplishment, and enjoyment. He served vigorously as a member of the twelve apostles for 25 years until his death in 1931.

The excerpt of his talk that was chosen as a foundation for The Whitney Awards is from an address delivered at the Sunday evening session of the MIA Jubilee Conference held on June 7, 1925.

He said: “We will yet have Miltons and Shakespeares of our own. God's ammunition is not exhausted. . . In God’s name and by His help we will build up a literature whose tops will touch the heavens.”

            In 1976, Elder Boyd K. Packer repeated those words and added “Since that statement was made . . . those foundations have been raised up very slowly. The greatest poems are not yet written, nor the paintings finished. The greatest hymns and anthems of the Restoration are yet to be composed. The sublimest renditions of them are yet to be conducted.”

            Tonight we gather in part as a fulfillment of both of these messages. Words are a powerful force—they build and destroy nations, build and destroy ideas, build and destroy people. It is specifically through the gift of literature that we have our understanding of the creation, of Christ’s ministry, of Nephi’s journey to the promised land. It is through words that we’ve learned of science, governments, the universe and the intricate detail of human nature.

             In 1988, exactly 100 years after the publication of Orson F. Whitney’s first book, Thomas S. Monson said, “God left the world unfinished for man to work his skill upon. He left the electricity in the cloud, the oil in the earth. He left the rivers unbridged and the forests unfelled and the cities unbuilt. God gives to man the challenge of raw materials, not the ease of finished things. He leaves the pictures unpainted and the music unsung and the problems unsolved, that man might know the joys and glories of creation.”

             Writers know the joys and glories and pain and agony of creation. The experience of that process is priceless on a personal level, and, as with Bishop Whitney’s life, none of us knows the journey our lives may take. Our lives unfold one day, one word, one experience at a time and it is left to us to hone our craft and enjoy the ride we find ourselves upon.

            With such reverence of the gifts and talents overflowing this room, it is, therefore, an honor to honor the time and dedication that has gone into the creations of these 35 finalists in the 2011 Whitney Awards. We thank each of you for your time and efforts. You are working towards the fulfillment of prophesy and we are grateful to have the chance to acknowledge that.

The Life She Lived--Anne Creager

I first met Anne about five years ago, I think, at a writer's conference. She was there in her capacity as a teacher, I was there as a writer, and Julie Wright and I ended up sitting with her and a bunch of other strangers. As we ate, we talked and she asked us about our books, we asked her about her teaching and family and eventually it came out that she was a writer--though she said she hadn't done much with it. This was her last year teaching though and she was so excited to be home with her two daughters and get some writing done. She'd sold an article to The Freind so far, and blew that off even though Julie and I were both wanting to get an article in a church magazine.

Some time after the conference, she contacted me about a writing group I had recently begun with some gals in my area. She didn't live to far away and began attending--often with her darling little girls in tow. My first impressins of Anne were that she was smart, sweet, didn't like to inconvenience anyone, and was excited and anxious about being able to put more time into her writing. I'm not sure when I noticed the scar on her upper arm for the first time, but I remember being curious as to the story behind it. It was mostly hidden by the sleeves of her t-shirts, but it looked as though whatever it had once been had been painful. However, even I have manners sometimes so I didn't ask.

Eventually, she told me about the scar--Melanoma she'd had removed a few years earlier. Yikes. I'd never met anyone that had actually had skin cancer. And she was so young--she'd have been in her early 20's when they'd found it. Her husband was a dentist, so it had taken place during his schooling, and not to long before her first daughter was born. She didn't make a big deal about it, and so neither did I but it put a bit more focus on her and the way she lived her life. She'd faced demons most of us won't face, and she was refined by it. No wonder she had such evenness and compassion.

As our friendship continued she had another little girl, asked how she could still write when she had so much 'mothering' to do, wondered if she should wait until her girls were older, worried she was wasting her time. Most writers have these same thoughts and one of the best parts of a writing group is the support and solutions we can give to one another.

Last February after a ski or bike trip with her husband (I'm afraid I can't remember which) she had a pain in her chest; what she thought was a pulled muscle. But it didn't go away. I won't forget the e-mail where she told us (the writing group) what happened, she said it was a blessing that her husband had become so incredibly sick that they'd had to take him to an emergency doctor's appointment. While there she casually mentioned the pulled muscle in her chest that didn't seem to be healing. I don't know what test the doctor ran but within a week or so they discovered a tumor the size of a football growing in her chest. Apparently when Melanoma comes back, it doesn't go away. But Anne was determined to get every minute out of this life that she could get.

What came next was months of traveling to Denver for treatments, surgeries, cyberknife--anything and everything she could get to help keep the cancer at bay. And yet it continued to grow. It wrapped around her heart, it snuck up on her thyroid, and as of last month it had attached to her liver. She fought it, and yet that's not all she did. She also took trips with her kids, did photo shoots for family and friends (including me) and continued to be a mother and wife to her family. She lost her hair and it came in black and curly instead of straight and auburn. She lost weight and gained weight--and lamented the toll the medication took on her skin. Every time she sent an update she thanked God for her blessings and pointed out the miracles happening in her life. And she wrote.

She'd been working on a book when she was diagnosed, and she finished it and began shopping agents. She had an article published in the New Era a few months ago. She began a project about growing up for girls, admitting that one of the reasons was that she knew she might not be there to tell them what she wanted her daughters to know. She began recording childhood memories--beautifully written childhood memories. She wasn't able to come to group very often, but when she did she'd read us these moments from her life and we would realize how much we didn't know about her. I'll never forget the Boot of Stew story or the one that had us all bawling where she talked about the experience of braiding her hair into three braids before cutting them off before chemo took her hair from her. She wanted a braid for each of her girls--so they would remember Mama's copper braids. Sometimes she worried that she shouldn't be spending so much time writing, and yet Ward (her husband) said "But it's what you love." And it was what she loved. She loved to write, and amid the horrific changes in her future she didn't want to lose any of those life memories. The picture included in this blog was taken at the 2009 LDStorymakers Conference. She'd always wanted to come, and finally did even though she had to leave early as she wasn't feeling well.

I saw Anne for the last time at writer's group about a month ago--her hair was gone again and she laughed as she said that she hated that her youngest daughter would only remember her bald, since she'd only been about two when Anne lost her hair the first time. She read us an article she'd written for the Ensign about preparing for death. We all cried through it. She said she'd finished writing all the letters to her daughters that would be given to them as they passed milestones she would not see. They'd moved to a home near her husband's parents, and she said how much fun it was, how glad she was to be able to be there with her family. Treatments had run out, she wasn't feeling well but was still looking into her options. I can't remember if I hugged her goodbye that day. I sure hope I did.

Last week she posted this to her blog:

I have no doubt that if it is Heavenly Father's will, I will be healed. But even if I'm not, I have to admit that I feel at peace. The last month has been fraught with panic and frantic anguish, but now I feel differently. I trust Him. I look forward to asking WHY all of this had to happen. I'm not going to ask it now, because I know that He can see the whole picture and I know that whatever His will is, things will be okay. My girls will be okay because they have Ward. I know that Ward will be okay because he has them. And we all have each other--FOREVER--and that's what really matters.

Today, this was posted in her behalf:

We wanted to let you know that Anne is in the hospital and has taken a turn for the worse. She is not expected to live much longer ...

I love Anne. And I will miss her. Though I was not part of her inner circle of friends and family, I was blessed to know her, to hear her words, and watch this final journey she has made. I am strengthened for the strength she has shown, and yet my heart is simply full of sorrow for the things she is leaving behind. She has a beautiful life HERE and I want her to stay in it. I don't understand why she's being called away, it's not fair. But she has accepted the path her life has taken, and I have no doubt that many loving arms will embrace her on the other side just as many arms here will ache.

Thank you, Anne, for your example, for your friendship, for your beautiful smile and your realistic view of life and love and family. I am greatly blessed to have known you and am glad that through the words you took the time to write, you will live on for generations to come.

May you and your family feel peace--you have earned it.

So, why Write?

From the post I put up here last week, one might think that my writing is sometimes like cooked spinach on my plate--why on earth would you eat that? Ever since that post (and thank you all for being so dang understanding :-) I've been thinking about the other side.

If it's SO much work and SO hard to do, why DO it at all? Here's why.

I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father that loves me, and one way that he has shown his love for me was to send me to earth with a wide array of little packages that through my life I get to open. One of those packages was presented to me about ten years ago in the form of bedrest, Lifetime Television for Women and Anita Stanfield. I was on bedrest with a pregnancy, I was battling depression induced by this circumstance and I was bored out of my mind. The next three months looked like a very long and dark road for me. But there was another road that worried me even more. As I'd grown up and had children I had been a bit worried to realize that I didn't feel 'filled up' the way I thought I would. It's not my kid's fault or my husband's fault, in fact I think most, if not all, mothers of young children feel this way at times. There is so much that needs doing, and we feel so incapable of being the one to do it all. I read a lot at that time--it was my escape and I cherished the opportunity to travel the world and live different lives for a few hours here and there. I think most, if not all, mothers of young children find similar escapes. If it's not reading, it might be sewing, if it's not sewing, it might be geneology, or crafts, or home decor, or welding. We need the reminder that we are someone. We are an idividual and while raising my kids would hands down be the most rewarding and important job I'd ever had--I was not sent to this earth JUST for them. THEIR plan was not MY plan. I still had to find a way to be me, and to enjoy who I was.

When I started writing in October of 1998 I unwrapped a gift that had lurked beneath the surface--sometimes way beneath the surface--for a long time. I started a journey I never imagined I would ever make and my life blossomed. Despite the hard parts of it, I was opened up to a whole world of possibilities I'd never even realized were there. And through my journey I have continue to unwrap many, many gifts I'd have never realized if I hadn't opened that first one. Here are a few:

1) Friendships. I have met some of the MOST amazing people through my writing. Between fans and fellow authors, I have been blessed with wonderful friendships with people that love and support me. This is something I didn't expect as an adult and, without my writing, I'm not sure I'd have ever realized it was possible to have such great friends, to have girls-nights out, and conference weekends where we stay up until 2:00 a.m. And my life would not be the same without these people in it. My writing invited many of these freinds into my life, without it, we'd have never met.

2)Assurance of my Father in Heaven's love. I know without a doubt that my writing is a gift from God because I could never have done it myself. I did not set out on this path, I found it and I believe it was God's will that I did so. When I struggle or succeed I feel the prodding of something bigger and much smarter than myself. I have written scenes that a wriggling-squirmy feeling has told me to delete. I have also had ideas fully land in my brain that ended up being powerful realizations--not only of the story I'm writing, but of the life I'm living. Second only to holding my newborn children in my arms and looking into the eyes of my husband, I know that writing was something I was sent here to do. That's a powerful knowledge to have in my heart and one I am so grateful for.

3) Example to others. This last winter a Friend came to me and shared an award she'd received at work--she said she pecifically told me about it because she knew I wouldn't be jealous and I would fully celebrate it with her. I knew success and I knew the joy of a job well done, therefore I could appreciate it in someone else. This was one of the best compliments I've ever received, and yet other people tell me how they started a book after reading mine, or felt better about taking time to pursue their hobbies after I told them how I try to make it all fit in. I LOVE that. It is inspiring to me to see other people doing those things, and to be one of those people for someone else? Wow. We really are all part of one big whole, each of us feeding off of and giving to one another. The more we develop ourselves the more we have to offer. It is a sense of purpose that is both exciting and humbling to be part of that for other people.

4) Example to my children. While they make sacrifices for my dreams, they also benefit from it. Because they see me working at something, they are not afraid to pursue their own talents and interests. I work hard to support them like they support me and it allows them a base of confidence when they start something new. Each of them have gone through an "I have to be a writer" phase because that's what they see, but they've all realized that just because writing is my thing, doesn't mean it will be theirs. But whatever THEIR thing is, they know that it will take work and energy and that I will cheer them to the very end. They have enjoyed every triumph with me and that has created bonding moments for all of us that will never be forgotten. I think my girls will be great mom's one day because they won't EXPECT their children to fill every nook and cranny of their head. They will feel okay with being who they are, and yet still fulfilling the roles they take on.

5) Public Speaking. When I was about 14 I went to a fireside and this lady talked about . . . something I don't remember, but she made us laugh. And I felt the spirit at the end of her talk and I had this thought "I want to do that someday" which I was immediately embarrassed about. Who was I to think I could stand in front of a group of people and tell them something important? As I grew up this thought would enter my head, and it always embarrassed me. It was so far out of my sphere and ability it was ridiculous. Well, low and behold, I do that. I'm not great and I get queasy when I stand up in front of a room--but I do it and I love it! I'm improving all the time and I like to think that one day I really will give to people what that woman gave to me. I always look over the audience and wonder if there's someone down there embarrassed by the thoughts that they might want to do that too. (See #3)

6) Faith. Faith is something that has never come easy for me, but as I look back on my journey of a writer I know that there is a plan for me, and that there are details that have lined up perfectly for me to arrive where I am. This allows me to look forward and have much more faith in where the journey might take me. I trust that God is out for my best interest--even when I rage at Him (which he always forgives me for). There is no remedy for panic except faith and I'm learning that more and more all the time. My writing has made the gospel much more real for me. I've delved into feelings and attitudes that are not my own, and yet which help me relate to other people better than I did before. I've learned so much about God through my playing 'God' with my characters and going through their trials of faith.

7) Being a partner. Because I am well aware of the sacrifices made by my husband on behalf of my writing, I am always looking for ways to pay him back. I do not have problems with my husband going out of town, or spending time with Friends. It would be hypocritical for me to call him on those things when he sacrifices so much for my interests. Because I know how important 'my stuff' is to me, I try to look for 'his stuff' that needs my support as well. I know many women in a constant tug-of-war with their husbands for time, attention, and equal responsibility. I can honestly say this isn't an issue in our house (well, most of the time :-) I still have my moments). I look for ways to support him so that when I'm on a deadline or am scheduling a weekend away, I don't have to justify it.

I truly believe we were all sent here with gifts. If we choose to open them and embrace them, we will have to find time for them, but they will bless our lives in many ways when we take the time and the effort to do so. Life is not easy, and sometimes our greatest blessings are also our greatest trials, and yet they are BLESSINGS all the same.

I am SO grateful for the amazing support that's been given to me on my journey and I sincerely hope I have the opportunity to return it in full measure to those around me. We ALL have these gifts, and they will help us fulfill our measure of creation--something all of us have. Writing has done that for me, and I will ever be grateful for it.

Will being an author cut Into time with my children?

I was recently asked by a fellow writer not yet published if a writing career was going to cut into her time with her children and family. She was very concerned with the effect her 'career' could have on her kids. She wanted reassurance. I'm not sure I gave it to her, but she caught me in a moment of painful honesty and that was with what I answered her. I thought I would include it here, not to discourage anyone, but simply to put into focus that while we all have our own 'plan' there are sacrifices to be made for all things we bring into our life and no one, NO ONE, gets out of that. I edited this a little bit for space and for relativity. If Writing isn't your thing, insert something else that fills your mind and heart, something you long for and yet fear at the same time. We all have them:

Yes. Writing will cut into your time with your children. It will cut into your time with your husband. It will cut into your housekeeping, gardening, exercise, reading, church callings, community responsibilities, family vacations, and at times your personal hygiene. Everything we do that is not right there next to our family takes us away from them. Sometimes it hurts. I have had times when I am blinking back tears as I drive to a presentation because I know my home and family are ‘undone’ yet I’ve made a commitment to whoever I’m presenting too and I can’t simply NOT do it. I’ve had times when my husband has told me I’m overdoing it and my focus is not where it needs to be. We have argued about it. My kids have said things like "You're always on the computer!" or "I don't want you to leave again?"

Sometimes I wish I’d never started because then I would have one less thing to worry about, one less piece to cut myself into. But when these moments come I remember that I was missing something before I started writing. I AM happier now than I was then, but simply being happy doesn't take the hardship away.

I have always been ambitious and busy and when I discovered writing all of that energy went into something that felt marvelous—sharing my thoughts within framework of characters and plots I grew to love was just . . . right. At the time it was so much fun that it was easy to fit in and enjoy every moment. It was a hobby. It isn't anymore. Since then it’s grown into a BIG thing in my life and it takes up a lot of room in my head, on my calendar, on my hard drive and in my house. I’ve chosen to make a place for it and I try to make wise decisions about how much space it can have, but it is there, it is always there. I’ve missed plays my kids are in, classroom parties, sporting events, and other significant moments because of obligations tied to my writing. I hate that, and yet writing is part of my reason for being here, I know it is. My kids are part of why I’m here as well, I know that too. They aren’t going to be in my home forever and writing might not be a part of my life forever either—there is no way to know what will happen next year or five years from now and so I try to do my best and enjoy both phases of my life as best I can. Right now I find myself at the top of my game, my books are doing better than ever and it thrills me to the core, but it also demands more of me and creates more stress in my life and that of my family. To stop now would be to lose what I've worked so hard for, and it's not an option. So I keep going, and I keep asking the Lord for help in finding balance, and I keep working on my mothering so that I don’t feel so guilty when I’m not physically present, and I schedule my presentations, and read writing books, and I brainstorm and edit and live in fear of the day when this might all be over. And I write.

Every day is a balance—sometimes my family is on the losing end of it. Sometimes my church calling is, or my husband, or my own peace of mind. But I love writing. I need it. And so I sacrifice for it with my eyes wide open, always looking at the scales to see if I’m off base, always watching for empty hours I can fill with words, and always praying that the Lord will let me know when I need to pull back.

He usually does, but that hurts too.

I can’t promise that adding a writing career won’t upset the balance in your home so much that you bleed. I also can’t promise that you will set such an example to your children that their lives will be forever blessed BECAUSE of your writing, not in spite of it. Every writer I know has to find the balance, has to make the choice to move forward, and then they have to commit to all of it—family, church, writing, and themselves. If you’re not ready, don’t do it. It is hard. If you’re ready, take a deep breath, get on your knees and pray for courage, faith and that you can keep your priorities straight.

Only you can decide if you're up to this, only you can add something this big to your life and find the balance. No one can do it for you, and no one should. Your life is your own journey, and no one carries your pack for you. Decide what you can carry, and then commit to do your best. I wish you luck.

Strongly Worded Letter Saves the Day--again

For anyone that has heard me speak about my 'start' in writing, you've heard of my love affair with strongly worded letters--basically, letters I write when I've been wronged. I love them, really love them, and for a few years into my writing career I had made more money off of them than I had my novels. Here's a brief recap.

*My first SWL (which could be turned into Swell, which totally works for me) was about 12 years ago after we did sweat equity (translate into blood, sweat, and tears equity) on our first house. We spent a few hundred dollars, an embarrassing amount of time, and still managed to mess it up. We did all this because we'd been promised a couple thousand dollars off our closing costs. Well, the builder fired the employee that made that promise and refused to give us the money. I was spitting mad, well, maybe writing mad. I composed a four page letter that explained, in four page detail, how they'd ripped us off, had no integrity, and were basically going to hell. My hubby thought it was a waste of time, and I agreed--but it made me feel better so I sent it. A few weeks letter I had a note of apology and over $2,000. This was likely a turning point for my writing career as I realized that words could be valuable.

*About 6 years ago my husband and I bought a timeshare. We got it because of several promises made in regard to how easy it was to use, how easy it was to let other people use it, and what an asset it would be to my husband's business through the reward options of extra weekends. All of these proved false. Our attempts to talk to our sales guy went unaddressed until I blew up and wrote another letter threatening all kinds consumer agencies that would love to hear my story. Fast forward three weeks, we received back every penny we had paid even though all I asked was to have the monthly payments stopped.

*I once found a hair in a cookie, I sent it back with a letter and received $10 in free cookie coupons.

*I once had a cereal that tasted like chap stick, I told the company and they sent me about $12 worth of free coupons.

*I paid $120 for a hair straightener (if you had my hair, you would too). It broke after three months. I had my receipt and was able to get the warranty honored. 9 months later--truly two days after my warranty expired, it broke again. I sent a letter explaining it and received a newer model replacement.

*I once bought a package of pens that had the lids not closed all the ways, the felt tips were dried out. I mailed them back with a note and received a whole gift pack full of all kinds of pens made by this same company.

*We did a company party at a restaurant/hotel and it was horrible. I sent a letter detailing this and we received a two night stay at the hotel with all meals as well as a 50% refund on what we spent on the party.

I could go on and on, I've written a couple dozen letters and 90% of them has been effective one way or another. It's not always about money, it's been about contracts, and promises, and immoral commercials. The least effective is the commercials, however some of them disappeared soon after I complained--coincidence? Perhaps, I chose to think I'm all powerful.

Soo000, about two years ago I bought a Pampered Chef Deep Dish baker. Love it. Love everything from Pampered Chef I own except for the weird rolling pin I've never figured out, although it's a dandy back massager. Anyway, I loved this deep dish baker. About a month or so ago I was cooking fish, and for the last couple minutes I set it to broil. When I opened the oven the dish had split down the middle. Luckily, the fish was still edible, but my dish was a total loss. I was very sad because, as I said, I loved this pan. For anyone that's not a homemaker or a cook that might sound strange, but I know many women with strong attachment to their cooking implements.

Well, the two pieces sat on my counter for weeks--further entrenching my sadness each time I looked at them. Pampered Chef is a great company and I have had things replaced by them in the past, but I'd always had my receipt. For some reason, I had no receipt of this pan. I looked everywhere and finally had to accept I was out of luck. Without a receipt, how could I possibly prove I deserved a replacement? However, with my lengthy track record I decided it was worth my $5 to send it back, with a letter of explanation, and see what happened.

Low and behold, yesterday there was a big box from none other than Pampered Chef. I didn't get a deep dish baker, but I did get a stoneware rectangular baking dish with the same finish as the deep dish baker. Their prices are comparable and I'm in no mind to complain in the least.

If you too would like to establish a track record of refunds, here are a few tips

*Be as nice as possible. Even if you've been wronged there is a difference between saying "To Whom it may Concern" and saying "You bulbous faced idiot"
*Keep it one page or less. I learned after the first 4 page letter than most things can be said in a page and that's all they will likely read anyway. Sometimes, admittedly, you need more than one page, but usually you don't.
*Sound professional. Write the letter on you computer, in block format, with good grammar. Don't personally attack anyone specific unless they really earned it (like the timeshare guy that made us all the lame promises)
*Be wary of making demands. Now sometimes you have to, such as demanding our sweat equity money, but most of the time leaving it up to them will get you a better return. If you ever saw the Seinfeld episode where Kramer burned himself with coffee and then agreed to the settlement as soon as they said they'd give him a lifetime supply of free coffee. He cut them off before they got to the money part of their settlement.
*Include as many details as possible, such as purchase date, attempts you've made to contact them, who you've spoken too.
*Be absolutely 100% honest. I have never attempted to hoodwink anyone into giving me something, or replacing something, or refunding something that I didn't deserve to have replaced. I'm always honest on how it broke. For examply, I broke my Mac Mouse a few months ago. I dropped it, which voids the warrenty. I took it to an Apple store and they suggested I send it back--since it didn't look broken--and just tell them it stopped working. I didn't do this. I bought a new mouse and sold the broken one on eBay for $10 (new they are $75) I admit it was hard, since I know I could have gotten away with the lie, but I didn't do it. All my letters have been sincere and I think that's made a huge difference.
*Send a thank you. When a company does take your words seriously and makes an effort to right a wrong, be sure and send them a thank you so that they know it was appreciated. Besides, being grateful is a highly underestimated gift to yourself. Acknowledge that they had the choice to ignore you and they didn't, that's big.

Anyway, I've included the letter I wrote to Pampered Chef. Some of my letters are not quite so nicely worded, but in this instance they owed me nothing since I had no reciept, so I kept it very light and complimentary. Bon Appetite.

Josi Kilpack
Address here
phone number here
Kilpack@gmail.com

Pampered Chef
One Pampered Chef Ln.
Addison, Illinois 60101-5630

April 7, 2008

To Whom it May Concern:

I’m returning my stoneware deep dish baker because, as you can see, it broke. I looked through my receipts and can’t find the show through which I bought this one. I have many pampered chef products and them, I very much liked this particular piece. I live in Willard Utah and would have purchased it through one of the shows I’ve attended in the last few years, but I can’t remember which one, let alone, which consultant I bought it through. I got it when the cranberry exterior was new and I’m hoping that there is some way I can get a replacement. Again, I realize that without a receipt I might not be able to do that, but I’m wanted to try. I was cooking some fish and opened the oven to check on it to find the dish cracked down the middle.

If I can’t get a return, well at least the pieces are out of my kitchen. Thank you for your consideration. Best of luck.

Sincerely,


Josi S. Kilpack

I'm a mother (parent), can/should I also be a writer?

I received an e-mail the other day about being a good mother and being a writer. The woman who sent it is passionate about her writing, but concerned that the entailments of pursuing this in her life could detract from her role as a mother. I've included a brief excerpt from her e-mail to me, and, with her permission, posted the somewhat edited reply.
_________________________________________________________

Will my career as a writer, take away from being a good mother as the Lord wants me? How will being a published author interfere with the raising of my children, and meeting their spiritual, as well as their temporal needs. What will it take from them, my writing? My meeting deadlines? My conferences? My writing groups? My signings? My whatever-comes-with-the-territory with writing? Should I pursue it?

Well, first of all, the fact you worry about this is a sign, in and of itself, that you are a good mother; a very good mother. Your responsibility to your family is obviously something deeply ingrained in who you are. I don’t think you could/would do anything that put that in jeopardy. That said, being a mother was not the only reason you were sent here and I don’t believe God would have sent you a gift, and guided you as he has, if it was not part of your fulfilling the measure of your existence in some way. However, for fear that sounds simplistic, I will be very honest with you in regard to my own experience, which continues to play out every day.

No matter what you do with the time you are given, there are only 24 hours in a day. Every one of us determines how we spend that time. If we choose to spend it doing, say, piano four hours a day, we would become a great piano player, but we would have to give something up for those four hours. There are definitely times in my life where I feel that I’ve neglected my family for my writing. Usually, this is not the case, but there are times when it is true for me. I’ve come to learn I can not pursue this writing career of mine and still mother the same as someone who does not have a hobby/passion as intensive as mine—like I said, there are only 24 hours in a day. (if there was a way to find a few extra hours, I’d have found them)

There are times I’ve wondered if I’m choosing ‘fame and fortune’ over my family, there are days when this thought terrifies me. However, there are other days too when my kids come home with something they are passionate about and they KNOW they can do it, in part because they see me doing it. Part of my own success is because my dad is an artist and is passionate about his art. He had nine children and no money, but when he had some time, he pursued his art. When writing became a part of my life, I pursued it in part because I’d seen him do it. My kids are still young, and yet they are beginning to define themselves, discover their talents, pursue their dreams. I absolutely LOVE seeing this in their lives. As they get older they run into people who know me and my writing, and they are proud of me, they are excited for what I’ve accomplished. I take them with me to presentations and book signings when I can, and it’s one other sphere of the world they are exposed to, that they wouldn’t be otherwise. As I said before, your purpose on this earth is not only to be a mother. You are raising children who will one day be adults, they will leave home and have lives and families and hopefully pursue their own talents and passions. Setting an example for them is a good thing, so long as you find a balance. That is the key, but it’s not an easy one.

There are days that I feel horribly stretched. There are days when I wish my kids would just disappear for a little while (like, two weeks) so I can get my thoughts down. Every single day is a balance of ‘my’ things and their things. As the years have passed, they have learned to give me my time, and I have learned that sometimes I can’t sit down and do what I ‘need’ to do because their needs supersede my own. And many times I wonder if it’s all worth it. However, when I’m prayerful, when I request a blessing from my husband, when I sit down with my patriarchal blessing and search for answers, I can not deny that for some reason, I’m supposed to write. I do very much believe the Lord smiles on me for pursuing a gift he’s given me and making it into a talent that if nothing else, entertains some of his other children in a way that does not offend the spirit. So far I don’t have to choose between my family and my writing, so far the balance seems to be working—even if I’m frustrated by it at times.

In part through my writing, I have come to further understand that I am a wife and a mother, but before all these roles I am also a daughter of God, I have my own individual purposes and measures to fulfill in many arenas. Being a mother, or an attorney, or a salesperson, or a writer takes work and dedication—not just doing the job, but in the balancing out life to make it all fit, even if the corners get scrunched sometimes. For me, it’s worth it and though my meals aren’t as home made as they should be, and I don’t get on the floor and play like some moms do, my kids are blessed to see me working toward something I’m passionate about. I know that this is a gift I am giving them.

If for you it isn’t worth the balancing, the stretching, then don’t write. There is no shame in realizing there is not room for both in your life. Perhaps it’s not the right time for you, perhaps your writing is a gift that will manifest in another way and writing a book isn’t it. You’re ‘plan’ is not the same as anyone else’s—it’s your plan. And definitely, your children, the souls entrusted to your University, need to come first, but it doesn’t mean that writing can’t factor into your list of priorities. Only you and the Lord can figure out if writing is part of your plan, and if you seek answers, you will receive those things you stand in need of.

I wish you luck and admire your dedication to your family.