Thursday, August 30, 2007

How can I tell if he really loves me?

Last week I had the opportunity to read a blog at Cranberry Corner. Jenna's story really touched me and has stuck with me this week. Maybe because I finished the book and am looking at my family and admiring them again, but pondering her theme of finding love I was reminded of something Tristi Pinkston said a few years ago.

We were talking about romance on the LDStorymakers e-mail list and she said her idea of romance was different than most people's. Flowers and stuff like that didn't do much for her, but now and then her hubby would let her sleep in on Saturday morning and go get her a McDonald's breakfast because he knew she loved it. For her, THAT was romance. I couldn't agree more (though I like flowers too) and this morning all of this came flooding back to me as I was gagging while holding the bag for my hunny-bunny to dump the dead skunk in.

It's our second dead skunk in a week, and dang but do they stink! I really like skunks--from a distance. I don't want to trap and kill them--killing and trapping is for the raccoons--but we keep catching skunks and Animal control does not come out for skunks in our county so it is up to us. Here's where the romance comes in, though that's probably not the right word, but it's definitely love.

My husband does not think skunks are cute, nor chickens either. The chickens are my idea, my passion, but he loves me so he puts up with it. And it's because of chickens that we have raccoons, which is why I bought the trap. He could say that because the chickens and traps and raccoons are my buisness, the skunks are too, but he doesn't. Instead he dresses up like the unabomber and goes takes care of them so I don't have to, then, this morning, in his dress clothes no less (he'd forgotten we still needed to dispose before he left for work) he picks up the stinky trap to dump the skunk in the bag. And as I'm dry heaving, he offers to take it to the dumpster at work instead of putting it in our household garbage can (we did that with last week's skunk--Baaaaaaaad idea--though I feel sorry for the people at the office building).

Through it all, he does not berate me about having to do something so awful, he doesn't complain at all(in part because he thinks I make funny faces)--and that, in my book, is love. He loves me enough to deal with dead skunks. To top it off, later today as I'm running errands in the city he works in, he calls and offers to do take out at our favorite sushi place so I can meet him for five whole minutes and we can eat together. So, I did. We sat in the back seat of the minivan with our five year old and ate sushi until I had to take the five-year old to kindergarten.

The date nights are great, and getting flowers makes my day, but when he tunes the radio to my favorite station, even though he'd choose Hinder over the Eagles any day, or he offers to pick up Arby's on the way home (again) because I told him I HAD to get a scene written, I'm reminded why I married this guy, why he's my moon, sun, and stars. These are things that make my heart thump.

So, outside of candy and chocolates and snuggling on the couch, I want to know the non-traditional things you're Sweety does to show you he (or she, though very few men read/comment on this blog) loves you. Or, if he's a lump and doesn't do nice things, what do you hope your next husband does?


Stephanie Humphreys said...

My husband is the best. (I think we writer types need great husbands.) For me the romance comes when he supports my dreams even when I doubt myself. He does everything he can from making dinner, to telling everyone who will listen how great his wife is because she is a writer.

Unknown said...

Oh my husband is wonderful. He knows my favorite authors and at any given time he'll walk in the door with a new book written by one of them. Once in awhile he forgets my birthday and sometimes our anniversary, but every day he takes me in his arms and tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. He reminds me often that I have saved his life over and over and he will never be able to love me enough to make it worth it. He will do anything I ask. Yeah, even if we had a skunk problem I think he'd do exactly what Lee does for you.

I married a King among men, and everyday I am so grateful for him. Thanks for reminding me of that Josi.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Fascinating post, Josi.

My husband does housework to show he cares. Rarely. But that's what makes it so darn romantic.

Jenna said...

Hey Josi, thank you so much for the kind words and the free PR! That means so much to me, coming from you especially. My dear husband does all the ironing on Sunday mornings! We have 6 kids, 4 of them boys! Plus me. He irons for me. What a prince! Our favorite little romantic date is to get Chinese food or pizza, and some DVD's from Blockbuster and sit in bed and have dinner and a movie. And he gives great backrubs. But I should stop here so other readers don't start feeling bad... :)

Anna Maria Junus said...

Well I wasn't fortunate enough to have a good husband. Mind you he would do romantic things, but there was always an ulterior motive involved. It was confusing.

My next husband should not be afraid of rodents because both of us standing on a table screaming simply would not work.

Hopefully the next one will want to spend time with me and yet understand when I need time for myself.

And when he says he loves me, he will actually mean it.

Tristi Pinkston said...

Wow, Josi, I'm surprised you remembered my comment after all this time! (That's a really great memory you've got there.)

That is a man in a million you've got there -- tell him we all think so. :)

Luisa Perkins said...

Josi, this is an awesome post.

First of all, Patrick works hard to pay for our very comfortable life. I'm the artist; he's the patron--and every artist needs a patient, generous, supportive patron.

Little daily things: he rubs my feet and shoulders and kills spiders. He compliments every meal I make, even when it's not one of his favorites. He's taught our kids through his example to respect and appreciate me. He praises my writing and begs for more.

Big, mondo thing: he planned a surprise trip to Rome for the two of us for my fortieth birthday last November. He got babysitting and rides for all the kids to all their activities. It was the most romantic five days EVER.

Okay, I'll stop now.

Karlene said...

He surprises me with sugar-free Nouggies at least once a week.

No matter what hair-brained business idea I come up with, he always has something positive and supportive to say about it.

And every time I gripe about something, the first words out of his mouth are, "I'm sorry. And I can change." Even when I'm the one in the wrong.

My first try at marriage was not a good one, but I got a real gem this time.

Shanna Blythe said...

I actually blogged about this . . . but shortly before a trip I needed a way to take a large map with us so I could work on my princess story. I tried to take pics, but they just weren't turning out right. Damon took over--he ended up standing on top of the kitchen table with a tripod taking pics! And not one word of complaint. Now that is love!!

Ronda Gibb Hinrichsen said...

My husband does "little" romantic things quite frequently. For example, one day I got in the car, turned on the ignition, and suddenly "Our Song" started playing on the CD player. Pretty romantic, huh? I might use that scenario in a book sometime.

Janette Rallison said...

My husband does the carpool for me in the morning. That in my book is true love.

Anonymous said...

that was beautiful what you wrote about your sweetie. i loved your last question. you made me snicker out loud. the other day, i noticed that ~G (my hubby) didn't turn the radio station or even attempt to turn the station. a little thing but i noticed. he has been go great and giving during a really tough time for us lately (i wrote about him in my blog yesterday, sat, 01sep, too). something he has NEVER done before (except Christmas and thanksgiving) is during this tough experience, he has said the prayer for us four times in the past several days. amazed. never thought i would see that day. God can do anything.

blessings to you this Sabbath day,

ps. cute how you said your hubby dressed up as the unabomber to remove the fowl skunk :) he loves you

Anonymous said...

thank you so much for telling me about the cranberry hubby post the other day. i read it and was/am so moved. it made me cry, too. just beautiful. you were so right! thanks for sharing it, too.

good day to ya this day, kathleen

Unknown said...

I'm back again with a really fun idea:

I'll admit it, I ripped this idea off the JustaBeachKat blog. But every woman blogger in my area of the country, within driving distance, let's get together for lunch? How fun would that be . . . it will be the first meeting of the Utah Chapter of BEAUTIFUL BABBLING BOISTEROUS BLOGGING BABES. Email me at and let's pick a day for our first meeting!

Anna Maria Junus said...

By the way, Josi, I reviewed one of your books. I hope you'll still like me.

Lisa said...

I really have a very loving husband. Our weekends are spent as a family. He wants to do everything together-even if it means grocery shopping, which it usually doesn't. However, today he took my daughter to seminary. That was a huge act of kindness for me.

Autumn Ables said...

When I was a young married gal- I had such bitter feelings toward my husband for all the romantic things he didn't do. I was so wrapped up in my selfish desires or what I thought he should do for me to make ME happy.

Shame on me.

My husband has made positive changes yes... but once I finally took the time to SEE what he was about, his style of romance, his unique ways to show me how much he really loves me, I was utterly amazed.

I have a devoted, loving, honorable and easy going husband. I know Heavenly Father put us together for his comic relief- but I'm so grateful! I could't be the good person I am today without my Dear.

Thank you for bringing out my sappy feelings for my love. It's always good to see the positive in people.